| Episode begins in the living room. Brad and Randy are
playing roller-hockey. |
|---|
| | |
| Randy: | He shoots. |
| Randy & Brad: | He scooooores! [Jill enters through the front door, carrying two
plastic bags] |
| Jill: | Hey! No - hockey - in - the - house! [Jill looks around] Oh guys! Do
you remember this morning when you said to me, "Mom, we really love
you, and we'll have the house cleaned up by the time you get home."? |
| Brad & Randy: | No. |
| Jill: | Well, will you just get your jackets and your backpacks off the table?
[Jill looks at the counter] Which one of you pigs left this mess all
over the counter? [Jill puts the bags down on the counter on top
of the trash compactor] |
| Randy: | The pig with the tool belt. [Brad & Randy pick up their backpacks and
jackets. Jill takes off her coat] |
| Jill: | Well, tell your Dad to clear all that off and set the table. Oh, and
dinner is in those bags, right there. |
| Brad: | Oh, what'd you get? [Brad skates over to the bags and checks them] |
| Jill: | Chicken. And don't touch it until dinner time tonight! [To herself
while heading off upstairs] Oh gosh, I live with a bunch of animals,
disgusting filthy little animals... |
| [Randy and Brad head for the garage door, Tim enters from the
backyard] |
| Brad: | Hey, uh, Dad, be real careful. Mom just got home and she's in a bad
mood. |
| Tim: | Great! She walks through the door and you tick her off? Couldn't you
give her a couple of minutes and help her out? Huh? |
| Randy: | Hey, she's not mad at us, she's mad at you for leaving the mess on the
counter. |
| Tim: | What am I, a janitor? [Brad and Randy leave to the
garage] |
| Jill: | [From upstairs] Tiiim! |
| Tim: | Uhhhhh, I'll clean it up right now, honey! [Tim starts stuffing
everything on the counter into the trash compactor...] |
| Jill: | [From upstairs] Tim, I'm way behind. [...including the chicken Jill
brought for dinner] I've got to study tonight. |
| Tim: | Hey, don't you worry about a thing, honey. [Tim switches on the trash
compactor] I'll keep the boys out of your hair. [Tim finds something
else on the counter which he hides in the bread box] |
| Jill: | [Upstairs] Oh, I-er, I brought dinner. Will you set it up for
me? |
| Tim: | I sure will. Where did you set it
up? |
| Jill: | [Upstairs] It's on the counter by the trash compactor. [Tim looks
at the trash compactor, short pause] |
| Tim: | Not anymore! |
| | |
| [Opening credits] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen, a little later. |
|---|
| [Tim is doing the dishes. Jill is sitting at the other side of the counter
studying] |
| | |
| Jill: | I have never studied for anything so hard in my life. But, it
will be worth it. If I do well [Jill gets up] I should be able to get
into any graduate school around here, maybe even U of M. [Jill leaves
towards the hall] |
| Tim: | Really? [Tim spots Jill's wedding ring lying around by the sink] Jill,
why do you leave your wedding ring here by the sink? |
| Jill: | Well, I took it off last night when I was washing the pots and
pans. |
| Tim: | This is not a good place to leave it, it could go down the sink here,
down the drain, I'd never find it. Always leave it over here where it's
safe, O.K? [Tim puts the ring down near the edge of the counter. There
is a ringing sound. The camera pulls to the right a bit, and looks down
to the heating vent in the floor right next to the edge where Tim put
the ring. Tim looks into the vent, towards the hall, into the vent, then
at the counter and into the vent again. Grunting] Oh no! |
| Jill: | [From offstage] What did you do? |
| Tim: | Huh. Nothing! [Jill rushes back in] |
| Jill: | What was that noise? |
| Tim: | I don't know, but it had a familiar ring to it, didn't it? [Jill comes
over to the sink] |
| Jill: | Did you drop my wedding ring down the
drain? |
| Tim: | No, I did not. I dropped it down the furnace vent. [Tim looks down the
vent again] |
| Jill: | Oh, no. I want my wedding ring
back! |
| Tim: | O.K., relax. I get some tools, I'll get it out of there. That'll give me
a chance to find those earrings I dropped down there, I just realized
I didn't tell you about. [Tim goes into the garage] |
| Jill: | Tim, what is going on with you? I mean, first you flatten the dinner,
you forget to empty the dishwasher, you didn't separate the laundry
this afternoon like I asked you to. [Tim returns with some tools] |
| Tim: | I was driving Mark to his computer
class. |
| Jill: | No, no, no. There is something else. Lately I've been sensing some
hostility from you. |
| Tim: | No more than usual. [Tim starts working on the heating vent. Every time
he says something to Jill he gets up and then continues working] |
| Jill: | Tim, I thought that we had an open relationship, you know, that we
could talk about anything. Talk to me! |
| Tim: | I don't want to. |
| Jill: | Something is bothering you, and you're just avoiding it. We shouldn't
have any unresolved issues. |
| Tim: | If you must know: since you've been doing this test here, I've been
doing a lot of extra work, and I'm beginning to feel taken for
granted. |
| Jill: | Taken for granted... |
| Tim: | I know, you're not doing it on purpose, but you've been pretty
insensitive. |
| Jill: | Pretty insensitive... |
| Tim: | Uh, you know, a little thank you would go a looong
way. |
| Jill: | A little thank you? |
| Tim: | You know, it really scares me when you repeat everything I
say. |
| Jill: | I cannot believe that you have the gall to say that
I am taking you for granted. |
| Tim: | Here it goes... |
| Jill: | For the last fifteen years I've been doing all the thankless jobs
around here, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and in my
spare time I've managed to have three children! And you never once
thanked me! And the one time, that I come to you asking for you to
carry your weight around here, all I get from you is resentment! The
truth is, you were happier when I was just stuck here in the kitchen
barefoot and pregnant. I should just squat down here right now and
shoot out another kid! |
| Tim: | [Still calmly] Just don't do it near the furnace
vent. |
| | |
| Cut to the "Tool Time" studio. |
|---|
| [Tim and Al are behind the workbench working on a project. Al is holding the
two halves of a cabinet door they are going to build, one of which has two
wooden disks in grooves in one of the side faces. Tim is brushing glue onto
another piece of wood] |
| | |
| Al: | Our objective is to put our two pieces of wood together so it has a
secure and perfect union. [Al sticks the two pieces together] |
| Tim: | Yeah. Yeah, alright! |
| Al: | That's right. In this case-- |
| Tim: | Like there's ever such a thing as a perfect union. Come on! What
century are you living in? |
| Al: | Well, what happens-- |
| Tim: | I want to get something off my chest! [Tim walks up to the
audience] |
| Al: | Tim. |
| Tim: | Leave me alone! [To the audience] Hey guys. I'm cheesed! Has this ever
happened to you? You're home minding your own business -- picking your
meal out of the trash compactor -- but out in the henhouse, the big old
hen starts clucking, [In a high feminine voice] "We got some unresolved
issues!" [Normal voice] An-a-a-and don't ever, don't ever fall for
this. They want to talk. You know what they want? They want you to say
something to get yourself in trouble. That's what they want. |
| Dave: | Exactly. |
| Jim: | I hear you, Tool Man. |
| Tim: | You know what I'm talking about,
huh? |
| Jim: | Exactly. |
| Dave: | I mean, we're constantly in trouble with our
girlfriends. |
| Jim: | I mean, no matter what we say, we're always in
trouble. |
| Tim: | Two bachelors in trouble. Hmm... What do you say we get them down here
and see if we can help them you, what do you say, audience? [The
audience cheers. Jim and Dave get up] Come on, guys. [Tim pulls out
two stools. Jim and Dave come down the stairs] Who do we have here? |
| Jim: | Jim. |
| Tim: | Hey Jim. How are you. |
| Dave: | Dave. |
| Tim: | Dave? |
| Dave: | Yeah. |
| Tim: | Dave, sit down. [Jim and Dave sit down] Welcome to "Tool Time".
Alright. What we're gonna have is like a, fff-er, "Tool Time" seminar
on how to talk to your ladies. Alright, um, between the two of you,
which one of your girlfriends talks the most? |
| Dave: | That's mine. |
| Tim: | Alright. |
| Jim: | No way, mine, without a doubt. |
| Tim: | O.K. |
| Dave: | No man, Phillis' always talking up a
storm. |
| Jim: | Excuse me? Hurricane Lorraine, need I say more? [They continue arguing
about this, until Tim interrupts them] |
| Tim: | Could we? 'K, um, now my wife is soon to be a psychologist, and they
do something in psychology called role playing. Which is very valuable
for learning about the other person's position. We need somebody to
play the role of.. Lorraine. |
| Jim: | O.K. |
| Tim: | Ummm... [Tim looks into the air, then over to Al who is still working
on their project. Tim goes over to Al] Al, you have a very strong
feminine side, would you be Lorraine just for this experiment? |
| Al: | Only if Lorraine gets to finish the cabinet doors. [Tim crosses back to
Dave and Jim] |
| Tim: | O-K, Dave, you're gonna do it.. [Tim picks up a horn from the
set] |
| Jim: | Now what if Lorraine is watching
this? |
| Dave: | What are you kidding me man? She wouldn't watch "Tool Time". She hates
Tim. |
| Jim: | Alright, yeah. |
| Al: | Obviously a woman with taste. |
| Tim: | Can we begin? O.K. Dave, you're gonna be
Lorraine, and I want you to tell everybody what Lorraine says to Jim to get him in
trouble. |
| Dave: | Alright, I know this one. [In a female voice] Jiiim. You said you
were gonna be home last night. But I came by your house and you weren't
there. Where where you? |
| Jim: | Where was I? [Tim sets off the horn] |
| Tim: | "Tool Time" tip. Women always know men are lying when they repeat the
question. |
| Dave & Jim: | Ahh. Alright. Alright. |
| Tim: | Come on, sweetheart, turn up the
heat. |
| Dave: | Alright. [Dave and Jim get up. Tim sits down in his chair. In a female
voice] Why didn't you call? |
| Jim: | I was busy. |
| Dave: | Too busy to call? |
| Jim: | I was, you know, I was thinking of
you. |
| Dave: | Well what were you thinking? |
| Jim: | I was thinking of calling you. |
| Dave: | No you weren't. |
| Jim: | Yes I was. |
| Dave: | No you weren't! |
| Jim: | Yes I was! |
| Dave: | Are you lying to me? |
| Jim: | Am I lying to you? [Tim honks the horn
again] |
| Tim: | Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy! Afraid Lorraine's got your biscuits in the vice,
buddy. |
| Jim: | [Continues playing Lorraine] Now wait a minute, I wanna know why you
didn't call me! |
| Tim: | Dave, I think the role playing's
over. |
| Dave: | Oh. [Dave and Jim sit down on their stools
again] |
| Tim: | Makes my point. Women, or guys playing women, tend to confuse
us. |
| Jim: | Tim, what about when Lorraine starts talking to me about commitment,
you know, I love her, but I don't know about marriage. I'm not ready. |
| Al: | Well excuse me. Jim. I'm sure that Lorraine would understand if you
explained [Al comes over] to her that marriage is the first step of a
sacred journey. And something that important can not be put on the
fast track. [Al taps Jim's back, then goes back to the workbench and
smiles at Jim and holds up his thumb. Jim just stares at Al] |
| Tim: | [Gets up and turns to the audience] Well let's put that to a vote. How
many people think Al just gave Jim some good advice, or put Jim on
the fast track to a quick head injury. |
| Audience: | Head injury! |
| Al: | Oh no, come on, not all women are trying to trap
men. |
| Tim: | Prffffft. Trap, snare, snag. A woman has to be married. Otherwise she'd
be home, nagging herself. [Tim laughs] |
| Al: | If you ladies would like to contact Tim directly, [Al holds up a card
with the "Tool Time" phone number], that's 555-TOOL, operators are
standing by... |
| | |
| Cut to the basement. |
|---|
| [Actually Tim is seen through the heating duct, which is open on the lower
end, and he's looking up for Jill's wedding ring] |
| | |
| Tim: | I see the ring -- and a lot of broccoli Brad said he's been eating.
[The shot changes to the basement room. Tim is standing on a ladder,
he and Mark are looking up the pipe] Tell you what, Mark. I want you
to go upstairs, take a tennis ball and drop it down, so we can see if
we can dislodge that thing. |
| Mark: | O.K. |
| Tim: | Alright. |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen/living room. |
|---|
| [Brad and Randy are playing roller-hockey again] |
| | |
| Brad: | Yzerman, Yzerman breaks it down, almost goes to the bench but he
doesn't, he lifts it up to-- [Randy spots Jill outside as he skates
past the front door] |
| Randy: | Oh, Mom's home! |
| Brad: | Clean-up mode! [They rush to the table, Brad hides his hockey stick
and grabs a broom instead. Jill enters] |
| Randy: | Hey Mom. |
| Brad: | How was your day? |
| Jill: | It was fine, until I went into the student lounge, and saw a bunch of
people watching "Tool Time". [Jill comes over to the kitchen and puts
down her backpack] |
| Brad: | You didn't notice the part when Dad called you an old hen, now did
you? |
| Jill: | Yes, I did. |
| Randy: | I guess that would make Dad a dead duck.
[Mark enters carrying a tennis ball] |
| Mark: | Hi Mom, hi guys. |
| Jill: | Hi honey. What are you doing? |
| Mark: | Well, Dad's in the basement, waiting for me to drop this tennis ball
down the vent. He thinks it will knock the ring loose. |
| | |
| Cut to the view through the heating
duct. |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Alright Mark, I'm all ready. |
| | |
| Cut back to the kitchen. |
|---|
| | |
| Jill: | [Takes the tennis ball from Mark] Please, allow
me. |
| Tim: | [From the basement] C'mon, let me have
it! |
| [Jill picks up a croquet ball and drops that down instead. There is a clunking
noise as the ball passes the end of the pipe] |
| Tim: | [From the basement] OW! I SAID A TENNIS BALL, NOT A CROQUET
BALL! |
| Mark: | It wasn't me. |
| Tim: | WELL WHO WAS IT? |
| Jill: | The old hen. |
| Tim: | Hi henny, I mean honey. |
| | |
| Cut to the heating duct. |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | I suppose you, [In pain] oh, I suppose you saw the, the show
today, ha ha. |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| | |
| Jill: | You are so pathetic. Why is it that I have to drag everything out of
you at home, -- |
| | |
| Cut to the basement. |
|---|
| [Tim puts on a crash helmet] |
| | |
| Jill: | -- but you're more than willing to go blab about your feelings
-- |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| | |
| Jill: | -- in front of a hole bunch of strangers on "Tool
Time"? |
| | |
| Cut to the basement. |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Well because on "Tool Time" I can say whatever I want. And people don't
hit me in the head with croquet balls! [Tim prepares himself for
getting hit by another ball] |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| [The camera just shows Jill's reaction to this last
sentence] |
| | |
| Cut to the basement. |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Jill? [Tim waits for a few moments and when nothing happens he takes
the helmet off] |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| [Jill drops another croquet ball down the vent. Same clunking sound
again] |
| | |
| Tim: | OW!!! |
| | |
| [Commercial break] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to the backyard, a little later. |
|---|
| [Brad and Randy are playing football. Tim enters holding his hand to his
head] |
| | |
| Tim: | Come on, guys. You're supposed to be cleaning the house, aren't
you? |
| Brad: | Well, sorry Dad. I mean, if us being out here is bothering you, just
say something. Why do we have to drag it out of you? |
| Randy: | Yeah Dad, how come you can share things with strangers on "Tool Time",
but not with your own sons? |
| Tim: | I feel like sharing my feelings right now. [Tim runs up to them and
they start to wrestle. Tim jumps on Brad; Randy pulls Tim's shirt over
his head] |
| Randy: | I got him, Brad! |
| Tim: | Hey hey hey hey! [Brad escapes from Tim and picks up the football. Tim
gets up] |
| Brad: | Hey Dad, go deep! |
| [Brad throws the football at Tim (and hits his head again!) Brad and Randy
run inside. Tim hears a harmonica playing, sticks up his head and "looks"
around, then holds his hand to his ear trying to locate the source of the
music] |
| Tim: | Wilson? |
| Wilson: | Hi-ho, neighbor. [Tim removes the shirt from his head so he can see
freely again] You know Tim, I woke up this morning and the blues were
all around my bed. |
| Tim: | Maybe you should try vacuuming. Well, I got hit with a croquet ball.
I got the black and blues. |
| Wilson: | [Starts playing the blues again, sings]
Got out of my bed,
Got hit in the head,
Knocked out of my shoe,
I got the low down croquet ball blue. |
| Tim: | Well... When did you learn how to play that
harmonica? |
| Wilson: | This morning. |
| Tim: | Can I ask you a question? |
| Wilson: | Bring it on home, Tim. |
| Tim: | You know what gives me the blues? |
| Wilson: | Hm. |
| Tim: | Women. Jill in particular. She likes to talk everything to death! Then
she wants to know what I feel, how I feel, when I feel it, nag nag nag
nag nag. |
| Wilson: | Well Tim, is it nagging or is Jill searching for
intimacy? |
| Tim: | Nagging. [Wilson comes over to the fence] See, I had this problem, it
wasn't a big problem, I just didn't want to let her know about it, you
know, but she dragged it out of me, and when I told her what it was,
she jumps down my throat. Totally overreacting. |
| Wilson: | Well, maybe Jill's got a touch of the blues
herself. |
| Tim: | Why would she have the blues? |
| Wilson: | Oh Tim, I don't know, I just know that Mahalia Jackson, the great
singer, said that having the blues is like being in a deep pit yelling
for help. |
| Tim: | So when she's yelling at me, maybe she's just crying out for
help? |
| Wilson: | Well, there's only one way to find out, Tim: Talk to
her. |
| Tim: | [Grunts] No more talk. I am not talking anymore! [Wilson starts playing
his harmonica again] |
| Wilson: | [Sings]
I told my baby how I was feeling. |
| Tim: |
A big wooden ball fell down from the
ceiling. |
| Wilson: |
Now we're gonna have a discussion. |
| Tim: |
Cuz my baby gave me a concussion! |
| Wilson & Tim: |
We got the low down croquet ball blues. |
| [Wilson continues playing and changes the tune towards the "Tool Time"
theme music] |
| | |
| Cut to the "Tool Time" studio,
backstage. |
|---|
| [Tim is getting ready for the show. Al enters and takes off his
coat] |
| | |
| Tim: | Hey Al. |
| Al: | Tim. [Al puts on his tool belt but doesn't say
anything] |
| Tim: | Al, you're not still angry because we didn't finish that cabinet
door, are you? [Al doesn't respond] Albert? [Still no respone] It's
not good to have any unresolves issues. |
| Al: | As a matter of fact, yes. I was looking forward to that segment. You
know, I told some cabinet maker friends of mine about it, they were
very disappointed. |
| Tim: | I hope they didn't come unhinged! [Heidi walks
by] |
| Heidi: | Thirty seconds, guys. |
| Tim: | Thanks, Heidi. |
| [Dave and Jim enter the backstage area] |
| Dave: | Tim. Tim. |
| Tim: | What are you guys doing here? |
| Dave: | We've gotta talk to you. |
| Tim: | I'm ready to do the show. |
| Jim: | No, wait a minute. Our girlfriends saw the show yesterday. You gotta
help us out! |
| Dave: | We are in big trouble. |
| Tim: | How big a trouble? You said your girlfriend didn't watch "Tool Time".
You said she hated me. |
| Dave: | Her mother taped it. |
| Jim: | Yeah, she loves Al. |
| Tim: | So what do you want me to do, guys? |
| Jim: | Well just go out there and tell them it's all your fault. That's
all. |
| Tim: | Jim, Dave, wanna help out? We'll all do it together,
O.K? |
| Jim: | Ah, no no no no. |
| Dave: | No, no. I'm not going out there with you. You are
dangerous! |
| Al: | Now you know how I feel.
[The "Tool Time" music starts playing] |
| | |
| Cut to the beginning of the show. |
|---|
| [Tim and Al enter. The audience applauds] |
| | |
| Tim: | Thank you. Ah. Thank you Heidi. Oh, you're too kind. Welcome to
"Tool Time". I am Tim "The Blues Man" Taylor, [Tim and Al salute. Tim
takes off his jacket] and you all know my assistant Al "The reason I
got the blues" Borland. Well. On yesterday's show [Tim puts on his
tool belt] I think I might have gone a little overboard, we got a few
calls from our female viewers. |
| Al: | 398. |
| Tim: | Well who's counting. |
| Al: | Me. |
| Tim: | Anyway, you probably all remember the two bachelors we had on the show,
well apparently I got them into hot water with their girlfriends, and
I intend to fix that - right - now. |
| Al: | Tim. |
| Tim: | Er, Marv, you want to follow me back here? [Tim walks backstage, where
Dave and Jim are] |
| Al: | Tim? Ti-- |
| Tim: | Got a minute, Marv? Come on, buddy. [Marv follows Tim with the camera]
Huh-huh. Come on. |
| Dave: | What are you doing? |
| Jim: | What are you doing? |
| Dave: | What are you doing, man? [Jim and Dave see the rolling camera and try
to hide] What's going on? |
| Tim: | Boys, it's a chance to make up to your
girlfriends. |
| Jim: | What are you doing? No, get the camera out here! No. [Jim tries to hide
again] |
| Tim: | You, you've got to do this, in order to have a good relationship, it's
going to be healthy if you talk about it! Alright. Dave, come up here.
You want to say something to Phillis? |
| Dave: | I guess so. [Into the camers] Hi Phillis. Er, I just want to state
publically that I'm sorry. For anything that I might have said, or,
or will ever say in the future. |
| Tim: | Alright. |
| Dave: | And, most importantly -- |
| Tim: | Phil, listen to this. |
| Dave: | -- I'll never listen to Tim again! |
| Tim: | Yeah, hah... [Al puts himself in front of the
camera] |
| Al: | The only "Tool Time" tip you'll ever
need. |
| Tim: | Alright Jim, you want to say something to Phillis, come on in here.
Excuse me, to Lorraine. |
| Jim: | Yeah. |
| Tim: | O.K. |
| Jim: | Lorraine, honey, when we were at the resaturant yesterday, and we were
talking about getting married, and you looked deep in my eyes and you
said, "Pick a date you pig or die!" Well, I thought about it, May
28th. |
| Tim: | That's the Indy 500 weekend. |
| Jim: | Uh, June 4th. |
| Al: | Congratulations, Lorraine. |
| Jim: | But to show I'm serious, I've got a
ring. |
| Tim: | Phew, that's a beauty. Can I see
that? |
| Jim: | Yeah, sure. [Tim takes the ring out of the case and shows it to the
camera] |
| Tim: | Hey Marv, if you can focus on this, come on in close. Look at the size
of that thing, huh? [The camera comes in closer, and when it hits Tim's
hand the ring drops down, accompanied by a ringing sound] You know, I
have never seen that drain before. [Jim looks shocked, then holds up
his hands and walks away] |
| | |
| Cut to the living room. |
|---|
| [Tim is sitting at the table and is playing with a small model of a
psychiatrist's office. Jill enters through the front door] |
| | |
| Tim: | Hi. |
| Jill: | Hi. |
| Tim: | Come down here, I want to show you
something. |
| Jill: | What? |
| Tim: | Come here. [Jill takes off her coat and comes over] I made a scale
model of the office I'll build you when you become a psychologist.
Here's your desk. Here's your chair. And here's your nut. [Tim picks up
a peanut with drawn on face and sits it on the chair. There's a little
Jill figure sitting behind the desk] |
| Jill: | Where am I? |
| Tim: | Seated at the desk. |
| Jill: | And, er, why did you do this? |
| Tim: | I thought it would cheer you up, and maybe I think you might have the
blues, and maybe we should talk about it. |
| Jill: | So you're saying you want to talk. |
| Tim: | Why do you think I'm lying down? You know the other day when you
asked me how I was feeling? I told you, and you jumped down my throat.
[Jill takes the Jill figurine and puts it on the other chair] |
| Jill: | You're right, it wasn't fair. If I'm going to ask for your feelings,
then I should be able to accept them no matter what they are. |
| Tim: | And not hit me in the head with a croquet
ball. |
| Jill: | Sorry about that. [Jill moves the Jill figurine over to the other chair
and makes it kiss the Tim peanut] |
| Tim: | I'm not sure you should kiss your patients on that part of the peanut.
[Jill laughs] But I also should learn to listen to your feelings
and understand what you're going through. You helped me when I changed careers
into "Tool Time", you know. And you know, I want to do the same thing for
you, because, you know, just maybe with your talent, you might have
your own show. You know, a psychology show, can you imagine? "Is
everyone cognizant of what time it's become?" "It's Psycho Time!" [Jill
laughs] |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen/living room, later. |
|---|
| [Tim enters through the passage by the broom closet and is holding a wire with
a button at its end. Jill enters through the front door] |
| | |
| Jill: | Tim? |
| Tim: | Right here. |
| Jill: | Oh. Guess what? I think, I hope, I did great on the test. [Jill comes
over and they hug] |
| Tim: | Congratulations. |
| Jill: | Yeah, if I had a guess I think I might be in the
90th percentile. |
| Tim: | By how many? [Jill looks at Tim. Grunting]
Oh-ho-hoh! |
| Jill: | [Grunts too] Ho-ho-ho! |
| Tim: | I think I have figured out a way to get your ring
back. |
| Jill: | You did? |
| Tim: | I taped up all the vents in the house, alright? Except the one in the
kitchen. I installed a Binford 6100 Super Compressor on the furnace,
I'm gonna blow that thing right out of here. So stand back here for
protection. Countdown to ring out. Three - Two - One. [Tim presses
the button. There is a high air pressure noise. The ring shoots out of
the vent, bounces off one of the pictures on the mantel, hits the lamp
on the couch, bounces off again on the coffee cups in the kitchen and
finally drops into an open pot on the stove. Tim and Jill walk over
to the pot] |
| Jill: | Is that my ring? [Tim scoops the ring out with a
ladle] |
| Tim: | I think so. |
| Jill: | [Laughing] I don't believe it! Is it O.K? [Tim gets a towel and cleans
the ring] |
| Tim: | Let's take a look at it. Perfect. It's even cleaner now.
But your inscription's all worn off. [Trying to read the inscription] "I
will never love an otter." |
| Jill: | Another! |
| Tim: | "I will never love another." Huh. And you think all these years I've
been avoiding otters. |
| | |
| CREDITS |
|---|
| | |
| [Outtake from the first "Tool Time" scene. Tim and Al are by the workbench
which has several pieces of wood on it, parts of the cabinet doors they are
going to build.] |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | You want to make sure the joint in your cabinet door is
secured. |
| Al: | And for that, we're using a biscuit joiner to cut the slots in our wood
for the biscuits. [Al inserts a wooden biscuit into the slot] |
| Tim: | Biscuits. |
| Al: | That's right. |
| Tim: | D'you think they, um-- |
| Al: | No, they're not buttermilk biscuits, they're not sourdough biscuits,
they're not dog biscuits. |
| Tim: | Well I was just trying to make an-- |
| Al: | They're not biscuits with honey, they're not biscuits with gravy,
they're not biscuits in a box, or BISCUITS IN A BASKET! |
| Tim: | You're a biscuit case, Al. |
| | |
| THE END |
|---|
