Images of the Cast of Home Improvement with the Home Improvement Archive title

Look Who's Not Talking

Episode No# 011
Written by:
Billy Riback
Directed by:
John Pasquin
Transcript by:
Duncan Taylor

Tim Taylor - Tim Allen
Jill Taylor - Patricia Richardson
Randy Taylor - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Brad Taylor - Zachery Ty Bryan
Mark Taylor - Taran Noah Smith
Wilson - Earl Hindman
Guest Cast
Al Borland - Richard Karn
Lisa - Pamela Denise Anderson
Stage Manager - Shawn Shea Hill
[Opening credits]
Episode begins in the living room. Tim is sitting in a chair, reading a newspaper.
Randy: [Shouts] Brad! C'mon, let's go! [Randy rollerblades past Tim, wearing a crash helmet] Hurry up!
Tim: Hey, quiet down. Your Mom's up there trying to write that speech.
Randy: She's been working on that speech for two weeks. [Randy skates round the room and picks up a plastic gun] When is she gonna finish?
Tim: Well maybe never if she doesn't get some peace and quiet.
Randy: [Whispering] O.K., O.K., O.K. [Shouts] Brad! [Tim gets up and comes over to him]
Tim: Shh! Quiet. What're you doing?
Randy: We're going to the park to play "Blade Warriors!"
Tim: "Blade Warriors"? I don't like the sound of that. [Brad enters from the garage, also on rollerblades, carrying a net]
Brad: I've got the net. Let's go!
Tim: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [Tim grabs the end of the net and pulls Brad back. He swings Brad to the kitchen counter] Wait, wait, wait here. What's the net for?
Brad & Randy: [Brad & Randy look at each other] Nothing!
Tim: These are not "nothing" faces: [Tim pulls an excited face] This would be a "nothing" face: [Tim pulls a gormless face]
Brad: Yeah. [Brad skates off and tries to take the net from Tim]
Tim: No, come here. [Tim grabs Brad & Randy and pulls them together. Jill comes downstairs]
Randy: Whoa!
Tim: You guys wouldn't be thinking of going to the park and snagging kids in this net, would you?
Randy: Good idea, Dad!
Brad: Yeah!
Tim: Bad idea. The net stays here. [Tim puts down the net] Brad, I buy safety equipment, I intend for you to use it, alright? [Tim hands Brad a crash helmet. Tim sniffs Brad] Is that cologne you're wearing?
Brad: This is the stuff you bought at the car wash.
Tim: That's air freshner! That came with some mud flaps. [Brad puts on his crash helmet] You smell like a Pina Colada!
Randy: He's wearing it for Jennifer Sudarsky!
Brad: That's- whoa! [Brad chases Randy into the backyard]
Tim: Take care of your brother! [Tim shuts the door after them and walks back to his chair] Jill, I thought you were working on that library speech.
Jill: [Jill is opening a bulb packet] Yeah, I came down to get something to eat, and I noticed the refrigerator light was out. [Jill removes the new bulb from the packet]
Tim: So?
Jill: So, I happen to think it's very important to have a nice, bright refrigerator light. [Jill installs the new bulb]
Tim: Jill, you're procrastinating again.
Jill: I am not procrastinating. [Jill looks inside the refrigerator] Ugh! Look at this refrigerator; it's filthy. I have to clean this now. [Jill starts taking things out of the refrigerator. Tim gets up and comes over to her]
Tim: Jill, why did you agree to give this speech?
Jill: Because I wanna give this speech.
Tim: Then why aren't you working on it?
Jill: Because I... had to replace the refrigerator light. [Tim shuts the refrigerator door]
Tim: Jill, this is an honour. Who was it that raised more than four thousand dollars for the new --
Jill: -- seven thousand.
Tim: Seven thousand dollars for the new computer system for the library?
Jill: I did.
Tim: Who got all the volunteers to go door-to-door to collect money, including a hundred bucks out of me?
Jill: I did!
Tim: Who's the perfect person for the speech?
Jill: Somebody else!
Tim: Jill, it's just a two-minute speech.
Jill: Yeah, but it's to two-hundred-and-fifty people. [Jill sits down at the table]
Tim: Y-you're making a lot more out of this than it really is.
Jill: Well, that's easy for you to say. You do this for a living; it doesn't bother you, y'know. You love attention and you have a big mouth. [Jill starts eating an apple. Tim sits down next to Jill]
Tim: Look, you don't have to do anything the rest of the day except breathe and write that speech. I'll keep the boys out of your hair, I'll handle everything. Just try to go upstairs and finish the speech.
Jill: Thank you, sweety.
Tim: Got it. [Tim gets up]
Jill: But first I'm gonna clean [Jill gets up] the house cuz it's really filthy.
Tim: No, no, no. You're not getting off the hook. [Tim grabs Jill] Go upstairs, write the speech, stop procrastinating. [Tim guides Jill towards the stairs] I will clean this house top to bottom.
Jill: Do you promise that you won't rewire or blow up anything?
Tim: Why are you so mean to me?
Jill: Do you really think I can... do this thing?
Tim: Yes, of course. You can do anything you want, Jill. Nobody thought you could land me as a husband, and: [Tim spreads his arms and grins]
Jill: Well, that's certainly inspirational! [Jill goes upstairs]
Cut to the "Tool Time" set, later that day.
[Tim finishes drilling a panel of wood. He takes off his googles and lifts the wood off the drill stand]
Tim: We've cut all of our side panels, and I've just finished drilling the holes for our dowel joints. [Tim carries the wood to the workbench, where Al is standing. Tim points at the wood] If I were to put a hinge right here, Al, we'd have a pretty swinging joint, wouldn't we? [Tim "toots" and pretends to play a saxaphone. Tim starts snapping his fingers] Take it, Al.
Al: I don't think so, Tim.
Tim: Anyway, next time, Al and I will show you how to complete the entire bookcase. And that brings us to the "Tool Time" tip of the day. [Tim takes off his tool belt] House cleaning. Heh-heh-heh. Oh, I can hear the guys out there going, [Tim hangs up his tool belt] "[Grunts] Uh? Get the wife in here, Tim, so she can hear this." No, no, no, men. [Tim sits down in the chair] House keeping, house cleaning, house taking care of, is like shop maintenance. It's for men too. Men, it's the nineties. We should share [Al is sweeping up] in the house cleaning responsibilities, right? [The audience doesn't respond] I didn't hear anything. [The audience still doesn't respond. One person starts to clap, tentatively] Y'know, I'm judging from the lack of enthusiasm that you men are disinterested. And maybe it's because they do not design house cleaning equipment with men in mind? And if they did, it'd have what?
Audience: More power!
Tim: Yeah! You're darn right more power! [Tim stands up] And maybe a little style too. How can they expect us to clean a house with house cleaning equipment that's not designed for us? Oh, the "Daisy Soft Sweep Decor" series in Harvard's gold! The vacuum cleaner from hell! What is this all about? I want a man's vacuum cleaner. How about an Indianapolis 500 version? All burnished chrome, matt black, analogue gauges, turbo-boost in there. [Tim pretends to rev the motor] Vrm-vrm-vrm-vrm. More power, it'd suck the throat out of a parrot! [Grunts] Arr-arr-arr-arr! Arr-arr-arr! Phew! Maybe, maybe I stepped over the line just a little bit just then, but I think you get my point. There's nothing wrong with a man doing housework. I mean, Al does a lot of cleaning around here.
Al: I do all the cleaning, Tim.
Tim: Yeah, right Al. [Tim puts on his jacket]
Al: But I could use some help.
Tim: We all could, Al! I'm Tim Taylor, I wanna give you a little tip here: half the dirt in the world is men's; let's clean it up. See you next time. [Tim & Al leave. The "Tool Time" theme music plays]
Cut to the kitchen, later that day.
[Brad, Randy & Mark are sitting on stools round the kitchen worktop]
Brad: Come on Dad, we want to go back to the park! I told Bob and Stinky that we would be back. [Tim enters, wearing rubber gloves and a tool belt full of cleaning things]
Tim: [In a "cowboy" accent] Well, Bob and Stinky are just gonna have to wait! Cuz we're gonna clean this house up for your ma. We do that to support our woman.
Brad: I don't have a woman.
Tim: [In his normal voice] Well, maybe Stinky could set you up with one!
Mark: I have a woman: Mommy.
Randy: Your Mommy can't be your woman, doofus!
Tim: A lot of men pay a psychiatrist a lot of money to figure that one out, I tell you! We are gonna clean the house the [Tim hands Brad & Randy a cloth and window spray each] power way.
Brad: Cleaning the house is a girl's job.
Tim: Hey, hey, hey! We're enlightened men, and enlightened men share household responsibilities, right?
Mark: What's enlightened?
Randy: It means scared of Mom!
Tim: Cleaning the house can be a lot of fun. This is Dodge City at high noon. It's very dirty in here. Quick! Get to the windows, boys! [Brad & Randy jump down from their stools] Cover us! C'mon! Hah! Hah! [Brad & Randy stand by the windows, ready] Alright, holster those weapons. On three, give me a quick draw. One, two, three, clean! [Brad & Randy start cleaning the windows] H'yah! H'yah! H'yah! [Mark jumps down from his stool] H'yah! [Tim pretends that he's holding a whip]
Mark: What about me, Dad?
Tim: H'yah! H'yah!
Mark: What do I get to do?
Tim: You get the most important job. You're Sheriff Wyatt Dirt. You've got to wipe out the Dust Bunny Gang!
Mark: What?!
Tim: Here, hold that. [Tim gives Mark a duster to hold up, and he sprays it with polish] All loaded. [Tim lays the duster on the floor] Saddle up, boy! [Tim sits Mark on the duster and then drags him around by the arms, so that he polishes the floor. Jill enters] Alriight! Hi, hon.
Jill: Well, you are obviously just playing around. You're not cleaning the house.
Tim: [Grunts] Ohhhhh! [To Mark] Wait a minute, I see some outlawed dust vills on the coffee table. Go at it. [Mark runs to the coffee table. To Brad & Randy] You guys, make sure you get the outside of the doors. [Tim goes over to Jill in the kitchen] I thought you were upstairs writing that speech.
Jill: Well, may I please get a soda. [Jill gets a soda]
Tim: Certainly. [Tim checks the food in the oven]
Jill: Ogh!
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: What is that smell?
Tim: Your favorite lunch: beany-weany casserole, huh, touch of spam in there, beef jerky, potato chip, dressing on top. What d'you think?
Jill: I'll pass.
Tim: How are you doing?
Jill: Oh, I'm fine. Just taking a little break.
Tim: Can I see it?
Jill: [Jill takes her speech off the counter and holds it under her arm] It's not very good.
Tim: Well, let me see it. Maybe I can help.
Jill: I don't feel like it and you can't make me.
Tim: Let me ask you this: have you gotten past the point where you say, "Good afternoon, it's a pleasure to be here today"?
Jill: [Jill looks at her speech] Can I use that?
Tim: [Tim starts cleaning the cabinets] You haven't written your first line yet?
Jill: Yes, but yours is better. [Jill sits down on the worktop and rewrites her first line]
Tim: What the hell have you been doing up there?
Jill: I just feel self-conscious getting up in front of a group of people.
Tim: You don't like the way you look?
Jill: What's wrong with the way I look? [Tim thinks carefully]
Tim: Nothing, that was just a question.
Jill: Why was that the first question you asked?
Tim: Alright, here's another first question: are you so attractive and thin that you're afraid to go up in front of people?
Jill: So what're you saying? I'm fat and ugly?
Tim: [Short pause] I'm not gonna win at this, am I?
Jill: It's not looking good. O.K., look, give me that, uh, first line [Jill gets off the worktop] again. Good afternoon,...
Tim: It's a pleasure to be here today.
Jill: It's a pleasure to be here today. [Jill goes towards the stairs]
Tim: Oh, wait, wait. I think I've got the last line for you: thank you very much. It's been a pleasure being here today! [Jill goes upstairs]
Cut to Tim & Jill's bedroom, later that day.
[Jill is rehearsing her speech]
Jill: Good afternoon, it's a pleasure to be here today. Oh, it's not! [Jill sits on the bed] I think I'll just take a nap. [Jill lies down. There is a knock at the door] Who is it?
Randy: [From outside] It's me, Mom. [Jill sits up]
Jill: Oh, come in Randy. [Randy peers round the door]
Randy: I, er, just wanted to see how you were doing.
Jill: [Jill holds out her arms] Come and give me a hug. [Randy enters and hugs her] Mmm, I'm much better now. [Jill kisses him]
Randy: I've got a great joke for you. You can use it in your speech if you want.
Jill: Oh, O.K. Shoot.
[Randy wanders round the room, with his hand to his forehead, thinking]
Randy: O.K., I've got it. If a snake married an undertaker, what would their towels say?
Jill: A snake and an undertaker. I don't know. What?
Randy: Hiss and hearse! [Randy & Jill laugh. Randy slaps his hand against the wall]
Jill: That's good. That's really good. Maybe I can work it into the beginning of my speech.
Randy: Hiss and hearse!
Jill: Y'know -- [Brad enters]
Brad: [Shouting] -- Randy!
Jill: I was having trouble getting started with this. [Randy lies on the bed, next to Jill]
Brad: What're you doing in here? You're supposed to be downstairs helping me get finished dusting.
Randy: I'm just up here telling Mom a joke. I'm being a good son.
Brad: Bull, you're just trying to stay out of work. [Randy gets off the bed and Brad comes over to him]
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too.
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too. [Brad & Randy start banging their chests together]
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too.
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too.
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too. [Jill whistles loudly. They stop squabbling] That was pretty good, Mom.
Jill: Now, I'm not gonna finish this unless you stop interupting me.
Randy: I was just trying to help.
Brad: Kissing up, huh?
Randy: Am not. [Brad & Randy start pushing each other's shoulders]
Brad: Are too.
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too.
Randy: Am not.
Brad: Are too.
Jill: Enough! [Jill separates them] Enough. Now, how's your Dad doing with all that house cleaning?
[Brad & Randy look at each other]
Randy: [Quickly] O.K!
Brad: Yeah, O.K.
Jill: I don't like the looks of that look. What's going on?
Brad: Er, nothing.
Randy: Dad's not doing anything.
Jill: What exactly is Dad not doing?
Brad: He's not rewiring the vacuum! [Jill jumps off the bed and rushes towards the door. Brad & Randy try to hold her back]
Brad & Randy: Mom!
Cut to the living room.
[Jill enters, followed by Brad & Randy. Tim & Mark are sitting at the kitchen worktop, having a drink]
Jill: Tim!
Tim: Finished your speech? [Jill comes over to Tim and looks around]
Jill: Where is it?
Tim: [Short pause] You know where it is. Same place it's always been! [Tim laughs. Jill smiles. Tim & Mark toast their drinks]
Jill: I'm serious. Where is the vacuum cleaner?
Tim: Oh, you mean the Daisy Soft Sweep Decor model in burnt almond.
Jill: That's the one.
Tim: I think you're gonna like what we did. [Tim gets up] Mark, plug her in. [Mark gets down and runs over to the vacuum cleaner. Tim, Jill, Brad & Randy follow. Tim & Brad sit on the couch. Jill & Randy stand round. Mark plugs it in. Tim picks up the hose]
Jill: Well, that doesn't look too bad.
Tim: On the outside, it, it maintains that feminine allure. On the inside, I've doubled its chromosome count.
Jill: Did you rewire it?
Tim: I tweaked it. [Tim switches on the vacuum cleaner and starts cleaning the couch]
Jill: Well, it sounds the same.
Tim: That's because it's in the whisper mode for light cleaning. You wanna get the deep down dirt, we turn to the new power suck mode.
[Tim switches another switch on the vacuum cleaner. The vacuum sound gets deeper. All the papers fly across the room. Mark is pulled horizontal, hanging on to the door handle. Jill runs over to him to help him down]
[Commercial break]
Cut to the backyard, later that day.
[Tim is tidying up. Randy enters]
Tim: I thought you guys were staying in the park?
Randy: Jennifer left so Brad didn't wanna stay. [Brad enters]
Tim: Guess the car air freshner wasn't a big hit, huh?
Brad: She said I smell like her dog after he had a shampoo.
Randy: Woof! Woof! [Randy runs inside. Brad chases after him]
Tim: Hey, Brad! Brad! Brad, come here. Come here. [Brad goes over to Tim] Tell me what happened.
Brad: I think she likes me.
Tim: How d'you know?
Brad: She hit me in the arm. Twice!
Tim: Hard?
Brad: Yeah!
Tim: You're in, dude! [Tim & Brad do a "handshake"]
Brad: Yeah! [Brad goes inside]
[Wilson is chiselling out a log. Tim goes over to the fence]
Tim: Hey Wilson!
Wilson: Hmm.
Tim: What're you doing?
Wilson: Just carving out a canoe, Tim.
Tim: [Tim peers throught the fence] Sounds hard.
Wilson: Not really Tim. You just take a big block of wood and chip away everything that's not a canoe.
Tim: Hey Wilson, are you afraid of speaking in public?
Wilson: Well, to be honest with you Tim, I don't go out in public.
Tim: [Short pause] Oh. Jill's gotta give a speech today and she's really concerned about it.
Wilson: Hmm-hmm. Perfectly natural.
Tim: It's not natural. I like speaking in public.
Wilson: Hmm.
Tim: I talk all the time. Sometimes I get in conversations with people I don't even know. I mean, I'll talk and talk and talk. Sometimes I'll --
Wilson: -- Tim.
Tim: What?
Wilson: I get the point.
Tim: Well, I wanna help her out. I just wonder what she's so concerned about, speaking in public.
Wilson: Well, she's probably just afraid of appearing foolish in public. I believe it was Samuel Clemens who said --
Tim: -- who? Samuel Clemens?
Wilson: Well, you would know him better as Mark Twain.
Tim: Ah!
Wilson: But that was just a pseudonym, a sobriquet.
Tim: Of course. A pseudonym sobriquet. Spell one of those, pick one, just.
Wilson: Let's just say pen name, Tim.
Tim: O.K.
Wilson: Anyway, he said, "Better to have people think you're a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt." [Wilson chuckles to himself] Ah, ah. My, my, my, my, my. A-huh. What d'you think about that, Tim? [Tim opens his mouth but doesn't say anything] Tim?
Cut to Tim & Jill's bedroom.
[Jill is sitting on the bed with the sock drawer, rearranging the socks]
Jill: B-L-A before B-L-U. Blue, blue, brown. The R, that's easy. Brown, brown,... [Tim enters with a cup of tea]
Tim: Hi.
Jill: Hi.
Tim: I made you some tea.
Jill: Oh, well thank you. [Jill picks up her speech]
Tim: How's it going?
Jill: It's going great. I was just working on my speech. Uh... [Tim gives Jill her tea]
Tim: I can see that.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: Y'know Jill, I think I've got the problem licked. [Tim puts the sock drawer away] Best summed up by this wonderful quote, "It is better not to open your mouth and appear foolish, then to open it and fool them!" [Tim nods at this. Jill looks confused]
Jill: Thank you honey. That's, that's a, that's a big help.
Tim: It's Mark Twain.
Jill: Y'know, I just don't know anything about giving a speech. I don't even know what to do with my hands.
Tim: [Tim has his hands in his jeans' pockets] Well, put them in your pockets. [Jill gets off the bed and goes over to some dresses]
Jill: Well, what if I wear this dress. It doesn't have any pockets.
Tim: Hey! Nice looking! Well, put them down at your sides. [Tim puts his arms down by his sides. Jill copies him] But don't itch at yourself like that.
Jill: How's this?
Tim: You look like a totem pole! Loosen up, c'mon, loosen up. Do this. [Tim wobbles about. Jill copies him] Do it. [Tim sits down on a chair]
Jill: I don't think this is gonna help, Tim.
Tim: You're right, but it's fun watching you do that! [Jill stops wobbling]
Jill: Tim. [Jill lies down on the bed]
Tim: Don't think of the audience as a group. When I first did "Tool Time," I was petrified. So I tried to visualize it as just one person.
Jill: The first time you did "Tool Time," there was just one person!
Tim: That's not my point. I tried to visualize that person as being in their underwear.
Jill: He was in his underwear!
Tim: He was not!
Jill: Ohh-uh-huh-huh.
Tim: This speech isn't the problem. What is going on here?
Jill: Tim, I'm going to be standing up there in front of 250 people. That's 500 eyes watching me, 500 ears listening to me.
Tim: Ugh. That's a thousand organs. No wonder you're nervous.
Jill: Y'know, I am the only speaker. [Jill stands up] And by standing there, it's like I'm saying that I'm the most important person in the room.
Tim: Well, you are. [Tim stands up and walks over to Jill]
Jill: Well, I don't feel like it. I mean, [Jill sits down on a stool] it's not like I'm the president of anything. I-I-I don't run a corporation, uh, I'm not a celebrity. I'm just your wife and Brad and Randy and Mark's mother.
Tim: You're the chairperson of the most successful money laundering -- [Tim sits down on a chair next to Jill]
Jill: [Jill laughs] -- fund raising!
Tim: Fund raising drives in library history. You're CEO of this family, y-you're my career manager, and you're a life manager.
Jill: Life manager.
Tim: You manage to live your life with me!
Jill: I should get an award for that!
Tim: You should get an award for the money that you got. [There is a knock at the door] Come on in. [Mark enters, with a milkshake]
Mark: Here Mommy, I made you a milkshake.
Jill: Oh, thank you honey. [Jill goes over to Mark] Well, it looks like, [Jill takes the milkshake] what did you put in there?
Mark: Peanut butter and jelly. [Jill looks at Tim]
Tim: Go ahead.
Jill: [Jill tries the milkshake] Hmm-hmmm. Terrific and thick. [Tim laughs. Jill walks back over to Tim, and Mark follows her]
Mark: Have you finished your speech?
Jill: Hmm-yes.
Mark: Can I hear it?
Tim: She doesn't feel like it right now.
Mark: C'mom Mommy. You always make me show you my homework.
Jill: Well, you're right, I do. O.K., O.K., fair is fair.
Tim: You're sure you feel like doing this?
Jill: Yeah, yeah, I'll just picture you two in your underwear!
[Mark starts undoing his belt]
Tim: No, don't take off your pants! It's just a technique!
[Mark lies on the bed, and Tim sits down next to him. Jill stands in front of them]
Jill: O.K. [Jill clears her throat] Are you ready?
Tim: Yep.
Jill: Good afternoon, it's a pleasure to be here today!
Tim: [To Mark] I wrote that. [Jill laughs]
Mark: It's very good.
Jill: O.K., O.K. As you all know, the library is the cornerstone of a good education. Books contain ideas which can shape our planet, and let's face it, right now our planet is badly out of shape! [Jill waits for Tim's reaction]
Tim: Shape and out of shape, I love it! That's good! It is.
Jill: Yeah? Well, it's easy in front of you and Mark. I know you guys. [Jill sits down]
Tim: Well, pretend, like, we're the library association.
Jill: Nah, most of them are women.
Tim: O.K., we'll be women! [Tim stands up] Mark, come over here for a minute. [Tim goes over to Jill's dressing table]
Jill: What?! [Mark goes over to Tim]
Tim: Here, these go with your hair! [Tim hands Mark a pair of clip-on earrings] Oh, and these are me! [Tim holds another pair of earrings to his ears and looks in the mirror] Look at that!
Jill: Tim, what're you doing? [Mark puts on the earrings. Tim takes down two hats]
Tim: We are supporting our woman by being women! [Tim puts one of the hats on Mark. Tim & Mark sit on the chest at the end of the bed. Tim puts on the other hat. Jill laughs] Mark, you don't do this outside the house, O.K?
Mark: O.K.
Jill: Tim, please, you really don't have to do this.
Tim: [In a high voice] There's no Tim here anymore! My name is L'ouch! [Tim puts on his earrings. Jill laughs] My, my name is Linda, and this is my good friend, Rose.
Mark: [Mark holds out his hand] Hi Mommy!
Jill: [Jill shakes Mark's hand] Well, hello Rose. [Jill stands up] Hello Ouch!
Tim: [In a high voice] Hello. [Jill laughs] Well, please get on with your speech. We're all a-flutter. [Mark holds up his hands. Tim crosses Mark's legs and places his hands on his knees. Tim then crosses his own legs and places his hands on his knees]
Jill: O.K., O.K. The only way to get our planet back into shape is to exercise our minds. By upgrading and modernizing our library, we can do that- [Tim is pulling an "enthralled" face. Jill laughs and slaps him with the speech]
Tim: [To Mark. In a high voice] Look how she gets us involved! I love this!
Jill: Your generous dollars have made that possible and I hope that you will continue to give in the future. And it goes on from there.
Tim: [In a high voice] Bravo! [Tim & Mark clap] Bravo! Give her a wave! [Tim flaps his hands. Mark lies back on the bed] Isn't she the most spectacular speaker you've ever seen?
Jill: It is O.K., isn't it? [Jill sits down]
Tim: [In a high voice] It's marvellous, hon. It's marvellous.
Jill: No, I'm serious. I mean, it actually makes sense.
Tim: It's terrific, it is.
Jill: Are you just saying that?
Tim: No, it's good.
Jill: So, it was good but not terrific?
Tim: [Short pause] No, it. That's the same, isn't it?
Jill: No, no, no, no, no. Good means that it's O.K. Terrific means that I'd be a fool not to give this speech.
Tim: You would be a fool not to give this speech.
Jill: [Jill takes a deep breath] O.K. then. I'll give it. [Jill stands up] Thank you, Linda. [Jill gives Tim a kiss. Mark sits up] Thank you, Rose. [Jill gives Mark a kiss]
Tim: [To Mark. In a high voice] Hmm-hmm-hmm. Hmm-hmm. [Mark lies down again] Rather unprofessional to kiss us like that, wasn't it? Do you suppose that's her real hair color? Man, I don't think so. Look at the roots! Ever got some phlegm caught in your throat, you can't get it out? You just don't see old women going like this, do you? [Tim pretends to spit]
Cut to the "Tool Time" set, backstage, later that day.
[Al is looking out at the audience, waiting for Tim to arrive. Tim enters]
Tim: I'm here.
Lisa: O.K. Tim. You're on in one minute. [Jill & Mark enter]
Al: Where've you been, Tim? [Tim sits down at the dressing table] I was getting worried.
Mark: We were watching Mommy give her speech.
Tim: She wowed them at the library.
Jill: Yeah, I did alright. How are you, Al? [Mark sits down]
Al: Alright, Jill. [Tim starts putting on his make-up]
Tim: You wowed them. They asked you back for next year already.
Jill: Oh God, I don't wanna think about that. [Al sits down next to Mark]
Al: Hiya Mark. How are you?
Mark: Good.
Al: Do anything fun this weekend?
Mark: Daddy and I dressed up like women! [Al looks at Tim]
Al: Oh really.
Tim: It's not like it sounds, Al.
Mark: Daddy had Mommy's hat on and we both wore earrings.
Al: Well of course. Earrings would complete the ensemble!
Stage Manager: Music! Stand by! Here we go everybody!
[The "Tool Time" music starts]
Tim: It's not like I had a bra on or anything, Al.
Al: Well, maybe next time, Tim. [Tim & Al head towards the set]
Lisa: Does everyone know what time it is?
Audience: It's "Tool Time!"
Cut to the living room.
[Outtake from vacuum cleaner scene. Tim is sitting on the couch with the vacuum cleaner. Tim switches it on. All the papers get sucked across the room. Mark is lifted horizontally, and he hangs onto the door handle. Mark starts swinging from side-to-side, and he has trouble hanging on. Jill rushes over to him and holds onto him. Jill lets go of Mark, and a member of staff comes over to help him down from the wires]

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