| [Opening credits] |
|---|
| | |
| Episode begins in the living room. There is a
football game on the TV. Tim is walking around the room, holding a football and
using a small sieve as a microphone, commentating. |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Welcome to the Taylor house, and we're about
ready to start that second half of this fantastic game, Greenbay Packers,
Minnesota Vikings. [Grunts] Uh-uh-uh. [Tim passes the football to Randy, who is
sitting on the armchair] Before we go down to the field, let's check out that
snack situation. Mark, take it away. [Tim hands the sieve to Mark, who is
sitting on the couch, and then sits down next to him. Mark turns to the table
next to the couch] |
| Mark: | Pretzels, liquorice, pork rinds. |
| Tim: | Yeah! [Mark tosses the sieve back to Tim]
That's three major food groups right there: salt, sugar. lard! [Tim stands up
and goes over to the table] Alright. Today I've got cold bruskies for me, ice
cold root bruskies for my boys. [Tim throws a can to Randy. Brad is in the
kitchen with a bag of potato chips] |
| Brad: | Dad! |
| Tim: | Yeah? |
| Brad: | Here's the chips. [Brad throws the bag to Tim
like a football] |
| Tim: | You got it, buddy. |
| Brad: | Go long. |
| Tim: | Nice pass, kid! [Jill enters from the garage
with the laundry] Alright. [Brad runs over the back of the couch and jumps into
his seat. Tim struggles to open the chip packet] |
| Randy: | Dad. |
| Tim: | What? |
| Randy: | You're turning all red. |
| Tim: | Uh! [Tim rips the bag apart, spraying chips
everywhere. Jill looks at Tim] Ha-ha-ha-ha... Haa-haa-ha. There's a warning
label right there, ["Reading" from the bag] "You shouldn't open these in broad
daylight in Detroit. Could cause an explosion." Hah. Hah. |
| Jill: | Wowww, look at this warning label, [Jill
"reads" some socks and throws them at Tim] "Socks may strike husband, unexpectantly!" |
| Tim: | You could put an eye out like that. Boys, help me clean this mess up. Second half's
about ready to begin here. Hurry up! [The boys get out of their seats to help
clean up. Tim jogs over to the broom cupboard] |
| Jill: | Now listen, don't get too involved in that
Tim. We have to get ready to go soon. [Randy goes over to Tim] |
| Tim: | Go? Where are we going? [Tim hands Randy some
cleaning stuff] |
| Jill: | Dinner, tonight, Chez Pierre? |
| Tim: | That can't be tonight. |
| Jill: | It most certainly is. |
| Tim: | Well, what about the big game? |
| Jill: | Well, what have you been watching all this
time? |
| Tim: | This is the little game. Right before the big
game. [Jill starts setting the table] The big game's the Rams and the Lions.
Why didn't you remind me about dinner? |
| Jill: | Now don't pull that. I asked you yesterday if
you had reconfirmed the reservations, and you said, "Uh-huh." And then I said
were they for seven o'clock, and you said, "Uh-huh." And then I said did you
get the babysitter, and you said, "Uh-huh." So I guess that means you didn't
get the babysitter, huh? |
| Tim: | Uh-uh. |
| Jill: | Unbelievable. |
| Tim: | I completely forgot. We can't get a babysitter
at this late hour. This is a tremendous disappointment. [Tim sits at the
counter] |
| Jill: | Yeah, I'll bet it is. This was supposed to be
our romantic night out. |
| Tim: | Hey, romance: I got it. Why don't you and I go
upstairs, turn the lights down, sit in bed, bottle of wine, and we can watch
the game up there! |
| Jill: | Well, you're not getting out of this with
anything short of pneumonia. [Tim starts fake coughing. Jill picks up the
phone] |
| Tim: | Boy, it's funny you mention that. [Jill dials
a number] This morning, I hawked up something nasty-looking. Pshh - shot right
out of my lungs. |
| Jill: | Well suck it back in. We're going to
dinner! |
| | |
| Cut to the living room, that evening. |
|---|
| [Tim and Jill enter, dressed up. The boys admire
them] |
| | |
| Jill: | Whoa! [Mark wolf whistles] |
| Brad: | You don't whistle at guys, you
dufus. |
| Jill: | You can when they looks as handsome as your
daddy. [Tim points the remote at the TV. The boys sit round the
table] |
| Tim: | You look pretty good yourself, sweetheart.
[Tim and Jill kiss] |
| Brad, Randy & Mark: | Urgh!
Uh-uh-urgh-urgh! |
| Tim: | Put a lid on it. |
| Randy: | Who'd you get to babysit for us?
Linda? |
| Jill: | No, she finds you boys a little...
active. |
| Randy: | Good. She smells. |
| Brad: | [Hopefully] Did you get Alison? |
| Jill: | No honey, she's busy. But she sends her
love. [Randy kisses at Brad. Brad attacks Randy] Stop that. Sit, sit. [Brad
sits down again] |
| Brad: | Then who'd you get? |
| Jill: | Well, I, I found someone new. [The doorbell
rings] |
| Tim: | [Tim is watching the game on TV, engrossed]
Go! Go! Go! |
| Jill: | Tim! |
| Tim: | [Without turning from the TV] Go get the
door! |
| [Jill goes towards the door] |
| Jill: | Please turn off the television. [Jill opens
the door. Sir Larry is standing there] |
| Sir Larry: | Mrs. Taylor? |
| Jill: | Yes. |
| Sir Larry: | Sir Larry Houdini, world's second
greatest escape artist [Sir Larry is wearing coat and tails] and magician
extraordinaire! [Sir Larry produces a bunch of flowers from his sleeve and
hands them to Jill] |
| Randy: | Hey, you're great! I saw you at Chris
Johnson's birthday party. [Sir Larry enters and Jill closes the door] |
| Sir Larry: | Oh, lovely little girl. |
| Randy: | Chris is a boy. |
| Sir Larry: | Strange little boy. [Sir Larry looks
around] But tell me, where are the birthday balloons, funny party hats, the
pony ride? |
| Jill: | Well, um, actually, no-one here is having a
birthday. |
| Sir Larry: | You told me on the phone it was a
birthday. |
| Jill: | Yeah, I know. I lied. [Jill takes Sir Larry
to one side] I'm so sorry. I was desperate. My husband didn't get a babysitter
and I called everybody I knew, and, and everybody was busy, and. Couldn't you
just, please, stay? |
| Sir Larry: | Never! Never! Sir Larry has performed
prestidigitation before prime ministers, heads of state, two kings, and a
cranky duke. And never once has he stooped to babysitting to make ends meet.
[Jill hands him some money. Singing]
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday "your names here,"
Happy birthday to you. |
| Jill: | Thank you so much. You don't know what this
means to me. |
| Sir Larry: | Well boys, the performance is about to
start. So would you please help Sir Larry in with his magical trunk. [The boys
go towards the front door. Tim comes over to Jill] |
| Tim: | Er, Jill, hold on a minute. What's going on
here? |
| Jill: | Um, Sir Larry, this is my husband Tim. Tim,
this is Sir Larry, the babysitter. |
| Tim: | How're you doing? |
| Sir Larry: | And magician extraordinaire. [The boys
wheels in Sir Larry's trunk] |
| Tim: | Yeah, I'll bet you are, Larry. [Tim follows
Jill into the kitchen] Ah, Jill. You got a magician to babysit my boys? [Jill
gets Tim's and her coats. Jill looks at Tim] Perfect, perfect. |
| Jill: | Sir Larry! Ah, the number where we are at the
restaurant is right here. [Jill pats the counter by the phone] Call us if you
have any problems. |
| [There is a cheer from the TV] |
| Brad: | Whoa! [Brad jumps onto the couch] |
| Tim: | What happened, Brad? What happened? |
| Brad: | Lions just recovered a fumble! |
| Tim: | Yes! |
| Jill: | O.K., goodbye boys, goodbye Sir Larry. Let's
go Tim. |
| Tim: | We should stay and watch a trick. |
| Jill: | It's not gonna work Tim. Let's go. |
| Tim: | Oh, my wallet. Left it over there by the TV.
[Tim starts towards the TV] |
| Jill: | I've got credit cards. [Tim comes back over
to Jill] |
| Tim: | Do you. My medicine's up by the TV upstairs.
[Tim starts towards the stairs] |
| Jill: | You don't take medicine. [Tim comes back over
to Jill and follows her into the garage] |
| Tim: | Oh! I should take some. I'm feeling a hawker
coming on. |
| | |
| Cut to the restaurant, a little later that
evening. |
|---|
| [Tim and Jill are sitting at their table] |
| | |
| Jill: | This is so romantic. And you have to admit,
it's a beautiful place. |
| Tim: | A beautiful place for a beautiful
woman. |
| Jill: | Awww. Thank you sweetie. [Tim and Jill toast
their glasses] I really, really do appreciate this. I know it was hard for you
to leave that game. |
| Tim: | Game? What game? |
| Jill: | [To the waiter, Franco] Excuse me sir, um,
can you tell me where the ladies room is? |
| Franco: | Hm, down the hall, to the left. |
| Jill: | I'll be right back. [Tim and Jill stand
up] |
| Tim: | I'll be right here, Jill, [Jill goes to the
ladies room] right here. I'll be right here. [Tim takes a radio out of his
pocket and takes off his jacket. To the man at the table next to him] Could you
give me a hand with this thing? |
| Rick: | Is that a radio? |
| Tim: | Yeah! |
| Rick: | You got the game on? |
| Tim: | Got the game on. [Rick gets up and gives Tim a
hand with the earpiece wire, which is taped to his back] I want to get that
second quarter before she gets back from the bathroom. |
| Rick: | Aw man. [Rick helps Tim put his jacket back
on] This is absolutely brilliant. [Tim sits down] |
| Tim: | Thanks bud. [Tim sticks the earpiece in his
ear] |
| Rick: | So what's happening? |
| Tim: | Hold on a minute. [Tim listens to the radio]
Here we go. Yes! |
| Rick: | What? What? What? |
| Tim: | I dunno. Some kind of interception. They're
inside six, first in goal. |
| Rick: | Alright! What's the score? |
| Tim: | Hold on, hold on, hold on. Rodney's in
motion. |
| Rick: | Uh-huh. [Rick sits down at his
table] |
| Tim: | Rodney peats back, he's back, [Jill returns]
Jill's back! [Tim raises his arm at Jill to hide the earpiece] Hi Jill. [Tim
stands up] |
| Jill: | Did you miss me? [Tim helps Jill into her
chair, with his shoulder pressed against his ear] |
| Tim: | Sure I missed you. [Jill sees the funny way
Tim is standing] |
| Jill: | Are you O.K? |
| Tim: | Oh, yeah. You ever twist your neck real fast,
get one of those cricks? [Tim sits down] Oh, I got that. |
| Jill: | Do you want me to rub it? [Jill and Tim look
at each other] |
| Jill & Tim: | Your/my neck. |
| [Tim rests his head on his hand] |
| Tim: | No, if I put my hand like this, it, phoo, it
feels much better now. |
| Jill: | O.K. [Tim and Jill look at the menu] Oooh,
look at this. Endive soufflé prepared with mushrooms. |
| Tim: | [Excited] YES! [Jill looks at Tim] Mushrooms!
Hmm! |
| Jill: | [Laughing] Tim, you don't like
mushrooms. |
| Tim: | At home no, but here, y'know, pfff, they're in
oils and stuff, yeah. |
| Jill: | Oh, look, look, they have your favorite:
trout almandy. |
| Tim: | [Excited] ALRIGHT! [Jill looks at
Tim] |
| [Rick's partner, Alice, has returned] |
| Rick: | What happened? |
| Tim: | [Loudly] I'm having the trout! [Jill sits back
in her chair] |
| Jill: | Tim, would you like to tell me what's going
on? Why you're, er, sitting like that? |
| Tim: | My neck. |
| Jill: | Well, perhaps I should look at it. [Jill gets
up] |
| Tim: | No! no. From the naked eye [Jill sits down
again] it would look like any other neck. |
| Jill: | A-ha. |
| Tim: | And, it's a, cricks are generally inside
necks. |
| Jill: | Give me your hand. [Tim hands Jill his other
hand] |
| Tim: | Hey, look at that. |
| Jill: | Give me your other hand. |
| Tim: | I don't want to. [Tim takes his hand away from
his ear and Jill sees the earpiece] |
| Jill: | Oh Tim, give me the radio. [Tim gives her the
radio] |
| Tim: | I wasn't gonna listen to the whole thing [Jill
sighs] Would it help if I said I was sorry? |
| Jill: | It might. |
| Tim: | I'm sorry. |
| Jill: | It didn't. Is this the volume? [Jill turns up
the volume] |
| Tim: | Ahhhh! [Tim removes the earpiece] |
| | |
| [Commercial break] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to the living room. |
|---|
| [Sir Larry is wearing a straitjacket. Brad and Randy are
wrapping chains around him. Mark is sitting on the counter, watching] |
| | |
| Sir Larry: | So that's it boys. Nice and tight. Sir
Larry loves a challenge. |
| Randy: | This is too cool! |
| Sir Larry: | Oh, thank you my lad. [Brad and Randy
finish with the chains] |
| Brad: | Do we get to stick swords in the
box? |
| Sir Larry: | Sword in the box. Fantastic illusion.
Sends the mind reeling and the pulse racing. I don't do it. |
| Mark: | Why not? [Mark is playing with Sir Larry's
top hat] |
| Sir Larry: | Too easy. Now then my lad, will you
kindly assist me into the trunk. [Brad helps him in] Thank you. Now, you will
close the trunk and lock it. When I give the command, you will set the timer at
10 seconds. And when the timer goes off, I shall appear at the front
door. |
| Randy: | I don't know. 10 seconds isn't very
long. |
| Sir Larry: | To you. But to Sir Larry, 10 seconds is
an eternity! Now boys, prepare to be astonished! [Sir Larry kneels down in the
trunk. Theatrically] Close the lid! [Sir Larry crouches down. Brad and Randy
close the lid and lock the trunk. Randy taps the top of the trunk] Is the trunk
securely locked? |
| Brad: | Yes it is. |
| Sir Larry: | Then set the timer and stand back. [Brad
sets the timer and the boys stand back. Sir Larry struggles inside the trunk]
Ah. Uh. Ah. Ah. Uh. Ah. Ah. [After 10 seconds, the timer pings and there is a
flash and a puff of smoke] |
| [The boys rush to the front door and open it. There is no-one
there] |
| Randy: | Sir Larry! |
| Sir Larry: | [From inside the trunk] Boys! [The boys
turn to look at the trunk] Reset the timer! |
| | |
| Cut to the restaurant, a little later. |
|---|
| | |
| Jill: | You know what you are, Tim? You are a sports
addict. |
| Tim: | I am not. I like sports. I have a very healthy
interest, but I am not an addict. [There are shouts and cheers from the
kitchen. Franco walks past Tim. Tim stops him] Is that the Lions game on in
there? |
| Franco: | Yes, that's why service is a little slow.
The staff have a television in the kitchen. [Franco starts to leave but both
Tim and Rick get out of their chairs and stop him] |
| Tim: | Hey. |
| Jill: | Tim! |
| Tim: | D'you get a score? [Tim sits down again] |
| Rick: | What's the score? |
| Franco: | I, I'm not sure. I, I know the Lions
intercepted a pass on the Rams 20? [Tim and Rick celebrate] |
| Tim & Rick: | Yes! |
| Rick: | I bet it was Spielman. |
| Tim: | Oh, Chris Spielman. Awesome player. Last week,
see him against Minnesota? [Rick sits down] |
| Rick: | See him? Man, I was there. [There are more
shouts from the kitchen. Rick stands up] I can't take it, I can't take it. I've
got to see this game. Honey, I'm sorry. [Rick takes his food] I'll be back.
[Rick rushes into the kitchen. Tim follows him but comes back again] |
| Tim: | Heh-hey, whoo. That guy's got a problem! Heh,
heh, heh, that guy is addicted to sports. [Tim sits down with Jill again] He is
out of control. |
| Jill: | [Laughing] And you're not? |
| Tim: | No. No, no. We're here to talk about whatever
you want to talk about, that's. |
| Jill: | Well that's good because I wanna talk about
us. |
| Tim: | Oh? |
| Jill: | Y'know how we're always talking about how we
need to find more things that we can do together for fun. |
| Tim: | Yeah? |
| Jill: | We always talk about it but we never do
anything about it. |
| Tim: | Let's do something about it. |
| Jill: | Yeah! |
| Tim: | Next weekend, monster truck rally and tractor
pull. |
| Jill: | Well, gee, as much fun as that sounds, I was
really thinking more along the lines of... ballroom dancing. |
| Tim: | Yeah-heh. Boy, that was my second
choice. |
| Jill: | No, no, really. I'm serious. I think it would
really be fun to take dancing lessons. |
| Tim: | Me, the king, remember, college? [Tim starts
disco dancing] |
| Jill: | Yeah. Tim, disco didn't die; you killed it.
No, I'm talking about grown-up dancing; Fred and Ginger... |
| Tim: | I thought Fred married Wilma. |
| Jill: | No, [Laughing] you know what I mean. Y'know,
holding each other close, swaying to the music, gliding across the floor. [Tim
stops disco dancing] |
| Tim: | Glidng in public's not me. |
| Jill: | We could take private lessons, just you and
me. |
| Tim: | No-- [Shouts from the kitchen. Rick pokes his
head round the door] |
| Rick: | Unbelievable! |
| Tim: | Uh-oh. [Rick comes over to Tim] |
| Rick: | Come here, you've got to see this. Santas
just broke one from 50 yards around the right side. They tackled him on the
one, we're gonna score. It's a first down. [Rick turns to Alice] Happy
anniversary baby! [Rick runs back into the kitchen. Tim turns to look, and then
looks at Jill, hopefully] |
| Tim: | Ha-ha. [Tim is itching to leave his
seat] |
| Jill: | Honey, would you like to go and watch the
game? |
| Tim: | No. No. We were taling about...
er... |
| Jill: | Ball- |
| Tim & Jill: | -room dancing. |
| Tim: | That's what. [There are more shouts from the
kitchen. Tim turns to look] |
| Jill: | So anyway, the lessons are on Tuesday
nights. |
| Tim: | A-ha. |
| Jill: | And, uh, it doesn't really cost very
much. |
| Tim: | Oh. [There are more shouts from the kitchen.
Tim turns to look] |
| Jill: | And, ah, I've been having an affair with a
space alien. |
| Tim: | A-ha. |
| Jill: | Yep, um, I'm having his baby. |
| Tim: | A-ha. |
| Rick: | [Rick presses his face against the window in
the door to the kitchen] Goal! Goal! Touchdooown! |
| [Tim turns to look at Jill, hopefully] |
| Jill: | Honey, go. |
| Tim: | I'm fine, I don't have to see the
game. |
| Jill: | No, trust me. It's okay I reallllly want you
to go. |
| Tim: | Thank you! [Tim goes into the
kitchen] |
| | |
| Cut to the living room. |
|---|
| [Brad, Randy and Mark are bending over the trunk, trying to
open it with a hand drill. The phone rings and Mark answers it] |
| | |
| Mark: | Hello?... Hi Mommy, guess what happened. Sir
Larry-- |
| Randy: | --Mark! [Randy grabs the phone from Mark]
Don't tell her, stupid. |
| Mark: | Why? We didn't do anything. |
| Randy: | The guy's locked in a box; who d'you think
she's gonna blame? [Randy jumps up onto the trunk] |
| Sir Larry: | Uhh! [Randy talks to the
phone] |
| Randy: | Hi Mom... yeah, we're fine... oh yeah. He's
excellent. A lot of fun... yeah, good tricks too... um, now? Well, um, he, he
can't talk right now. [Brad starts gesturing at Randy] Um, he just can't.
[Randy covers the phone. To Brad] She wants to talk to Mark. |
| Brad: | That's because she knows he'll
squeal. |
| Mark: | I won't squeal. I promise. [Randy gives Mark
the phone] Hello Mommy. Brad and Randy locked Sir Larry in the trunk! [Mark
hangs up the phone. Brad and Randy chase him round the house] |
| | |
| Cut to the backyard, a little later. |
|---|
| [There is a rope tied round the trunk. Brad and Randy are
trying to hoist it up the tree. One end is lifted slightly off the
ground] |
| | |
| Brad: | Uhh! [Brad and Randy release the rope and the
trunk drops down again] |
| Sir Larry: | Uhh! Boys! |
| Randy: | It's O.K. Sir Larry. If we get the trunk
high enough and drop it, it'll break open. |
| Sir Larry: | Please, let's not be hasty,
boys. |
| Mark: | Mom and Dad are home. |
| Randy: | We're dead! Hide. [Brad and Randy hide in
the bushes] |
| Cut to the living room. |
|---|
| [Tim and Jill enter from the garage] |
| Tim: | Boys! |
| Jill: | Randy! Mark! Brad! |
| Mark: | [From outside] Out here! |
| Cut to the backyard. |
|---|
| [Mark is sitting on the trunk. Jill and Tim enter] |
| Jill: | Mark, where is Mr. Houdini? [Mark kicks the
trunk] Ohh. |
| Mark: | In here. |
| Jill: | [To the trunk] Are you alright, Mr. Houdini?
[Jill taps the trunk] |
| Sir Larry: | I'm fine. The X-rays may reveal
otherwise, however. [Tim examines the rope] |
| Tim: | Mark, where are your brothers? |
| Mark: | I don't know, Dad. [Whispering] In the
bushes! |
| Jill: | Here. [Mark gets off the trunk] |
| Tim: | Brad, Randy, come on out. [Brad and Randy come
out from the bushes] C'mon. C'mom right now. I don't know what gets into you
guys sometimes. Why'd you stuff that old man in that trunk for? |
| Randy: | He told us to. |
| Tim: | Now why'd he want to be put in a
trunk? |
| Randy: | But he did tell us to. |
| Tim: | No he didn't. |
| Brad: | Yeah he did, it's the truth. |
| Tim: | He's not-- [There is a knocking from the
trunk] |
| Sir Larry: | The boys are speaking the truth. They
are completely innocent. |
| Jill: | Well, we'll talk about this in the morning.
It's bedtime now. |
| Randy: | C'mon. |
| Brad: | C'mon. |
| Randy: | I want to see if he gets out. |
| Jill: | No, no, no, no. [Jill sends the boys inside.
Tim examines the trunk] I'll be up there later. Go on. |
| Brad & Randy: | Awww. [The boys leave] |
| Tim: | Honey, we're in some kind of trouble. These
are reinforced polycarbonate American butt hinges. |
| Jill: | Sir Larry, is there anything that we can do,
someone we can call? |
| Sir Larry: | Yes, you can call my son Cyril the
Magnificent. He has an extra set of keys, and he's at 555-7653. |
| Jill: | Alright. I'll call right away. [Jill goes
inside] |
| Tim: | Hang in there Sir Larry. Just take real short
little breaths. [There is a strange noise] Wilson? |
| [Wilson stands up and appears behind the fence] |
| Wilson: | Howdy neighbor. |
| Tim: | What're you doing over there? |
| Wilson: | Oh, just mending the bellows on my
accordion. |
| Tim: | Cool. |
| Wilson: | What's in the trunk? |
| Tim: | Famous magician. |
| Wilson: | Oh, was he coming out of the box? |
| Tim: | As soon as his son comes over and unlocks
it. |
| Wilson: | Not much of a trick, Tim. |
| Tim: | You got a minute? |
| Wilson: | Sure, good buddy. You got a
problem? |
| Tim: | Well, it's Jill. [Tim turns to look through
the window at Jill, who is on the phone] I love her. She's the most important
thing in my life. |
| Wilson: | What did you do this time, Tim? |
| Tim: | We went out tonight to have a night just by
ourselves, real romantic, that kind of stuff. And I spoiled it because of a
football game. We won, huh! |
| Wilson: | Hm-hmm, hm-hmm, hm-hmm. |
| Tim: | I don't know what it is about football and me.
I'm obsessed, I think. |
| Wilson: | Well, why do you think that is,
Tim? |
| Tim: | I think it's coz I love it, Wilson. I love the
surprise, and the strategy, and the strength, [Tim picks up a football] and the
big guys, and the logos, the colorful helmets, the shine and the pads, and the
mouth-guards, and the cleats, and the hitting and impacts, and the swearing and
sweating. [Grunts] Arh-arh-arh-arh-arh! Sets me free! |
| Wilson: | Well, what you're describing, Tim, is what
Aristotle would call a catharsis. |
| Tim: | Catharsis, hm? How d'you spell that?
C- |
| Wilson: | Well, let's just say an emotional release,
Tim. |
| Tim: | Bingo. |
| Wilson: | Hmm. |
| Tim: | That's, that's what I feel, and I don't think
she understands that. |
| Wilson: | Well, she doesn't have to, Tim. I'm sure
there are things about her that you don't understand. |
| Tim: | Well, you got that right. Y'know, that woman
has never had a haircut she liked. |
| Wilson: | Well, there you go. |
| Tim: | And I go in her closet, I see nineteen pairs
of black shoes. What's that all about? |
| Wilson: | Well, Tim, different outfits require
different shoes. You got your pumps, your flats, your espadrilles, your open
toes, your T-straps, your patent leather. I could go on and on. |
| Tim: | I get the feeling you could. |
| Wilson: | What is important is to share and enjoy the things you both do
understand. |
| Tim: | That's exactly what she was talking about,
too. Sharing, she wanted to share... ballroom dancing. |
| Wilson: | Well, why don't you give it a try,
Tim? |
| Tim: | I-- |
| Wilson: | --as the ancient Celtic saying goes, "Never
give a sword to a man who can't dance." |
| Tim: | [Grunts] Uhh? |
| [Jill comes outside] |
| Jill: | Sir Larry? |
| Sir Larry: | [From inside the trunk] Still in
here. |
| Jill: | Yes, um, Cyril is on his way over with the
keys. |
| Sir Larry: | Oh, thank you kind madam. |
| [Jill goes over to Tim, who is sitting on a box] |
| Tim: | Hi. |
| Jill: | Hi. |
| Tim: | 'Bout tonight, Jill. I know I was stupid. I
know I spolied things. And I want to apologize, and I, I, I, I won't watch
all-day football anymore. |
| Jill: | What about Thanksgiving and New
Year's? |
| Tim: | Aah, half-day. Or I, I'll cut out the pre-game
show or something. I'll just try not to be so stupid about it. |
| Jill: | You'd do that for me? |
| Tim: | In a second. [Tim stands up and goes over to
Jill] |
| Jill: | Well, we can always try and do it again. Go
out some evening, have some romance. |
| Tim: | Well, we're here, we're alone, the moon's
full. It's pretty romantic. What more d'you need? |
| [Wilson starts playing his accordion. Tim and Jill turn to
look, and then laugh. Tim holds out his hand to Jill, to dance] |
| Tim: | Hi! [Tim starts disco dancing] |
| Jill: | No. [Jill slaps Tim and he stops] |
| Sir Larry: | [Singing]
I'll be loving you,
Always.
With the love that's true,
Always. [Tim and Jill dance together]
When the things you planned,
Need a helping hand,
I will understand,
Always.
Fate may not be fair,
Always. |
| | |
| Cut to the "Tool Time" studio, later. |
|---|
| [Tim and Al are preparing a cut a hole for a kitchen sink out
of a worktop] |
| | |
| Tim: | Once you have cut the opening, you're ready to
lay the sink right in there, right Al? |
| Al: | Errr, that's right Tim. |
| Tim: | You know, home improvement is not just about
renovating the kitchen. There's a lot of other ways to improve your home. [Al
tries to pick up the sink. It's very heavy so he squats down and drags, on his
knees, it over to Tim] Alllways be aware of your partner's needs, take time out
to share some special time with your spouse. Right Al? |
| Al: | I'm not married, Tim. |
| Tim: | Well, if you change those shirts. And get a
haircut or something. |
| Al: | I got a haircut. |
| Tim: | Get a better one, Al. [Tim and Al are holding
the sink over the opening, Tim on one side and Al on the other] |
| Al: | O.K. |
| Tim: | Alright. We'll drop it on three, Al. |
| Al: | On three. One, two-- [Al drops it on two. Tim
gets his fingers caught under the sink] |
| Tim: | Ow! Ow! Al! |
| | |
| CREDITS |
|---|
| | |
| [Tim and Jill continue to dance to Wilson's accordion
playing] |
| | |
| THE END |
|---|
