| Episode begins in the kitchen. Jill is cooking.
Tim enters carrying a Binford box. |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Hey. |
| Jill: | Oh, hi. You've been shopping. |
| Tim: | Yep. |
| Jill: | Well, I know that's not my Mother's Day
present cuz you leave that till the last possible moment. |
| Tim: | Ha! This just happens to be your Mother's Day
present. [Tim goes into the garage] |
| Jill: | Oh yeah? What is it? |
| Tim: | I don't want to ruin the surprise. |
| Cut to the garage. |
|---|
| [Jill follows Tim into the garage] |
| Jill: | Ruin it. |
| Tim: | Oh, no, no. I wanna see your face light up on
Mother's Day. |
| Jill: | Why? Is it a flame-thrower? |
| Tim: | You're gonna love this. |
| Jill: | Let me see. [Jill takes the box from
Tim] |
| Tim: | Ah. |
| Jill: | Let me see. [Jill looks at the box] Ohhh,
just what I always wanted: a muffler. |
| Tim: | Well, if anyone could use a muffler, it'd be
you! |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| [Jill goes back into the kitchen. Tim puts the Binford box
down in the garage] |
| Jill: | I should have known. You and the boys haven't
given my present a moment's thought. [Tim comes into the kitchen] |
| Tim: | Yes we have. |
| Jill: | You have not. You're just gonna run the boys
to the nearest minimart and buy the first thing you see. |
| Tim: | I encourage my boys to buy quality
gifts. |
| Jill: | Yeah, right. [Jill goes over to the kitchen
unit] Like this, ah, multicolored [Jill takes an item out of the drawers] candy
necklace. [Jill throws the necklace to Tim] |
| Tim: | This isn't just candy, these are
breath-mints. |
| Jill: | Yeah. And [Jill produces a pair of dice
earmuffs from the cupboard] these priceless things, here. |
| Tim: | I bought those. Those are one of a
kind. |
| Jill: | Ever wonder why, Tim? [Jill puts the earmuffs
on] |
| Tim: | [Tim lifts one of the dice away from Jill's
ear] A lot of women pay big bucks to look like a rear view mirror, hon. [Jill
takes off the earmuffs] |
| Jill: | Tim, I don't want you to go out and buy the
boys presents to give me. Y'know, I want them to give me something that's from
their hearts. |
| Tim: | Alright. I'll get the boys together, we'll
gear up this year. We'll make May 16th a day you never
forget. |
| Jill: | Mother's Day is May 9th. |
| Tim: | I know. But out here we celebrate May
16th. It's Muffler's Day. |
| | |
| [Opening credits] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to the living room. |
|---|
| [Randy is practising a magic trick. Tim enters] |
| | |
| Tim: | Guys, guys, guys, c'mon! Huddle up. I want to
talk to you before your mom comes down. [The boys go over to Tim, at the table]
Mark, you're the look-out. |
| Mark: | O.K. [Mark goes over to the stairs] |
| Tim: | Alright. I don't want your mom to hear
this. |
| Randy: | What d'you blow up this time? |
| Tim: | The toaster, but she knows about that. No, no,
no, no. I wanna talk about a Mother's Day gift. |
| Brad: | C'mon Dad, we still have four days till we
have to buy her something. |
| Tim: | No, that's exactly my point. She doesn't want
us to do this; she wants something from the heart. So you know what we're gonna
give her? |
| Randy: | Blood? |
| Tim: | No, vegetable breath, not blood. When we get
home from work, we're gonna build her something. |
| Randy: | C'mon Dad, let's just buy her
something. |
| Brad: | Yeah. |
| Tim: | This is your mom we're talking about. |
| Randy: | I know. |
| Tim: | Do you know that you were a very difficult
birth, hmm? Breach baby, hmm? Elbows straight up like a grasshopper's, hmm? A
hundred-and-seventy-six hours of labor, hmm? |
| Randy: | Right Dad. O.K. [Jill enters] |
| Jill: | Hi guys. |
| Mark: | Here she comes! |
| Tim: | Ix-nay on the gift-ay ise-gays. |
| Jill: | Planning my Mother's Day gift already? [Jill
starts clearing away the breakfast dishes] Gosh, I'm so impressed I'm not even
gonna ask you what you're buying me. |
| Mark: | We're each gonna make you
something. |
| Tim: | Hey! |
| Jill: | You're gonna make me something? I love that
idea. Thank you. [Jill kisses Tim] O.K. guys, build away. Now boys, don't
forget to put your lunches in your backpacks, and brush your teeth before you
go, O.K? Bye. |
| Randy: | Bye Mom. |
| Mark: | Bye. |
| Brad: | Love you. Have a good day. |
| Tim: | Have a good day. Oh, you need gas in your
car. |
| Jill: | Oh d'oh. [Jill leaves for work] |
| Randy: | [To Mark] Eh, way to go loudmouth. Now we
actually have to build something. |
| Tim: | Nice attitude. C'mon guys. I already took the
hot rod out of the garage. When I get home from work, we'll turn it into "Man
Central." Huh? Saw blades, cuts, slivers, blisters, [Grunts] oh-oh-oh-oh-ah!
[The boys look at Tim, unimpressed] C'mon, a little Mother's Day grunt?
[Grunts] I love you Mom, you're the greatest. |
| Brad, Randy & Mark: | [Grunting, grudgingly] I love
you Mom, you're the greatest. |
| | |
| Cut to the "Tool Time" studio, later that
day. |
|---|
| [Tim & Al are presenting the Binford product
corner] |
| | |
| Tim: | Friends, having difficulty removing all that
gunk out of that ugly bathroom drain? Well these are just a few of the products
[Tim & Al point to the products on the table behind them] Binford gives you to
remove dirt and grease, and in Al's case, loose beard hair. [Tim tweaks a hair
from Al's beard] One of the most popular tools [Tim picks up a plunger] is
called the plugger. |
| Al: | That's right. You might want to remind our
viewers... [Tim puts the plunger to Al's chin] to coat the... [Tim puts the
plunger to Al's chin again] to coat the rim of the plug with petroleum jelly.
This will help form a tight seal between the plunger and the drain. |
| Tim: | Yup. Next, I'd like to show you Binford's
closet auger. [Tim picks up the auger] |
| Al: | Now this particular auger helps clear toilet
clogs. [Tim swings the auger like a fishing rod. There is a water plop. Tim
starts winding the auger back in] |
| Tim: | Help me Al. I got a big one, a fresh water
hairball. |
| Al: | And finally, our favorite choice, the Binford
trap and drain auger. [Tim puts the closet auger back on the table] |
| Tim: | Normally called the snake. [Tim pretends to
play a pipe. Snake charming music plays and the auger rises up from the table,
like a snake. The auger climbs up to Al. Al tries to push it away. Al takes
Tim's pretend pipe from him and snaps it over his knee. The music stops and the
auger drops back down to the table] Remember folks, if it doesn't say Binford
on it, you won't be able to flush it. [The theme music plays and Al salutes.
Tim & Al run over to the main part of the set] |
| Al: | Well, we're just about out of time. |
| Tim: | But before we go, I'd like to talk a little
bit about Al's mother. |
| Al: | I'd prefer you wouldn't, Tim. |
| Tim: | I know, but with Mother's Day coming up, I
realized a lot of time I make fun of her on the show. |
| Al: | Yes you do. My mother is frequently the butt of
your jokes. [Tim looks at the camera and shakes his head] |
| Tim: | Al, you make this too easy. |
| Al: | Well you're, you're always poking fun of her
cooking, of her weight, her love for bingo, her son. |
| Tim: | Al, come in for a landing, O.K? Being Mother's
Day, I thought I'd make her a gift, kind of a, hoo, peace offering. |
| Al: | Really? |
| Tim: | Lisa! |
| Al: | W-well that was awfully big of you. |
| Tim: | Well, I thought maybe those, [Lisa enters,
carrying something made out of flannel] those festive Thanksgiving dinners, she
might have a nice new apron. [Tim & Lisa unfold the flannel to reveal a huge
apron] |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen, later that day. |
|---|
| [There are signs on the garage door declaring it as "Man
Central" and "No Moms allowed!" with "Toolbelts required beyond this point!"
and "Keep out! This means you Mom" orders. Brad sneaks out of the garage,
opening the door as little as possible. Jill is in the kitchen, putting food
away] |
| | |
| Jill: | What are you guys building in
there? |
| Brad: | Who said we were building anything? |
| Jill: | C'mon, what are you making? [Brad gets
himself a drink from the fridge. Tim comes out of the garage. Jill doesn't see
him] |
| Brad: | Can't tell you. |
| Jill: | Oh. |
| Brad: | Top secret. |
| Jill: | Oh Brad, give me a hint. [Tim goes right up
to Jill] |
| Tim: | No hints! |
| Jill: | Ah! [Jill jumps] |
| Tim: | You've gotta be ashamed of yourself. And you
call yourself a mother. C'mon son. [Tim & Brad go over to the garage door and
perform a series of knocks] |
| Randy: | [From the garage] What's the secret
grunt? |
| Tim & Brad: | [Grunting] Uh. [Jill sneaks a glance at
them] Uh. [Tim & Brad check to see if Jill is looking] Uh. |
| Randy: | [From the garage] Enter. [Tim & Brad go into
the garage. Mark enters the kitchen] |
| Mark: | Hi Mom. Can I have a popsicle? |
| Jill: | Sure. [Jill goes over to the garage door and
bends down so she's about Mark's height. She knocks on the door] |
| Tim: | [From the garage] What's the secret
grunt? |
| Jill: | [Grunting] Uh. Uh. Uh. |
| Cut to the garage. |
|---|
| Tim: | Access denied. Too much oestrogen
content. |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| [Jill gives up and goes over to Mark] |
| Cut to the garage. |
|---|
| [Brad & Randy are working on their gifts] |
| Brad: | O.K. Dad, I'm all finished. All I need to do
is let the glue set. [Tim comes over to have a look at Brad's box] |
| Tim: | Great job on the little jewelry box, son. |
| Brad: | Thanks. |
| Tim: | Quick and very nice. Take a little gander at
Randy's. |
| Randy: | Don't bother. [Randy is making a bird house,
but none of the corners are square] It stinks, Dad. |
| Brad: | What is it? I can't even figure it
out. |
| Randy: | Well don't rack your brain; you might smash
the pea. |
| Tim: | Guys, give it a rest, O.K? [To Brad] Take
five. [Brad goes into the kitchen] Don't worry about your brother. I think this
bird house is really nice. I'll help you fix these walls. |
| Randy: | What's wrong with them? They're
up. |
| Tim: | Well, if I use the mitre-box on them, I can
take all the rough edges off and they'll fit real close together like this.
[Tim shows Randy what he means with his hands] |
| Randy: | I'll just paint over them. |
| Tim: | Alright, if you wanna paint over them, but at
least we'll sand down some of this rough stuff, O.K? |
| Randy: | Look Dad, I'll just buy Mom
something. |
| Tim: | Don't buy her something. |
| Randy: | But I don't like doing this stuff. |
| Tim: | Yeah you like it. |
| Randy: | Dad, I didn't want to do this in the first
place. |
| Tim: | Oh, why don't I just finish it for
you? |
| Randy: | Great. [Randy starts to leave] |
| Tim: | Is that all that your mother means to
you? |
| Randy: | C'mon Dad, it doesn't matter. Mom's gonna
love any piece of junk I give her. |
| Tim: | There's a nice sentiment. Why don't you just
put that on the card: "Happy Mother's Day Mom. Here's some junk I know you'll
love. Randy." [Randy leaves] |
| | |
| [Commercial break] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to the living room, later. |
|---|
| [Randy is lying on the couch. Brad is practising wrestling
moves on him while they watch wrestling on the TV] |
| | |
| Brad: | What are you talking about? This is the
Norwegian Death Hold. |
| Randy: | No it's not; I can still breathe. |
| Brad: | Oh really, huh. How about this? [Brad pushes
Randy's legs over his head] |
| Randy: | That's it! [Jill enters] |
| Jill: | Hey guys. Knock it off, c'mon. [Brad releases
Randy] Gosh, I liked it better when you were out in the garage with your
father. At least you weren't trying to kill each other. [Jill switches off the
TV. There is a drilling noise in the garage] What's your father doing out there
now? |
| Brad: | He's working on Randy's project. |
| Randy: | Hey, shut up Brad. [Randy throws a cushion
at Brad. He catches it and throws it back at Randy] |
| Jill: | Hey. Randy, why is your father working on
your project? |
| Randy: | I don't know. [Randy starts towards the
stairs] |
| Jill: | Randy. |
| Randy: | Mom, I'm not good at building things. I
don't care about tools. |
| Jill: | Well then why did you decide to build me
something? |
| Randy: | I didn't; Dad said I had to. [Brad throws
the cushion at Randy. Randy catches it and chases Brad around the
house] |
| Jill: | Hey, c'mon guys. Pillows on the couch. [Jill
goes over to the garage and knocks on the door] Tim, let me in. |
| Tim: | [From the garage] What's the secret
grunt? |
| Jill: | [Forcefully] Let me in now. |
| Tim: | [From the garage] Close enough. [Jill goes
into the garage] |
| Cut to the garage. |
|---|
| [Tim is working on the bird house. Brad's gift is covered
with a cloth] |
| Jill: | Why are you building Randy's Mother's Day
gift? |
| Tim: | I'm not. I'm just showing him the next
step. |
| Jill: | He's not in the room, Tim. |
| Tim: | Alright, alright, he wasn't concentrating out
here. |
| Jill: | Well, maybe he's not interested in building
stuff. |
| Tim: | All my boys are interested in building
stuff. |
| Jill: | No. Randy's different, y'know. He likes
performing, ventriloquism, magic. |
| Tim: | He could build this. |
| Jill: | Tim, you're still not getting this. I want
the boys to give me stuff that shows their feelings for me. |
| Tim: | What are you gonna do with a broomstick and
pointy hat? [Tim laughs] |
| Jill: | I'm laughing on the inside, Tim. Now look, I
have faith in my boys that they will pick the perfect gift on their
own. |
| Tim: | Do you have the same faith in me? |
| Jill: | No. No, I told you what I want: a fine dinner
in a nice restaurant, O.K? [Tim & Jill kiss] |
| Tim: | We should go to Chez Pierre. |
| Jill: | I called them last week. They were booked
solid. [Jill goes into the kitchen] |
| Tim: | Should have called them and made reservations
two months ago like I did. [Jill comes back to the door] |
| Jill: | You did that? |
| Tim: | Hmm-hm. |
| Jill: | Oh, honey. [Jill goes over to Tim and gives
him a hug] |
| Tim: | Yeah, all set. Reservations for five, Mother's
Day gourmet feast. |
| Jill: | Hmmm. [Jill hugs Tim again] Is that the one
with the corsage and the champagne and the live music? |
| Tim: | Mais oui. [Jill jumps up and down, excited.
Jill starts to leave] Boy, they go to a lot of effort on this bogus holiday,
don't they? [Jill comes back over to Tim] |
| Jill: | Excuse me, did you call Mother's Day a bogus
holiday? |
| Tim: | Well, it's, it's just invented by restaurant
owners and florists. |
| Jill: | So you don't think that women who go through
the [Emphasizes each word] pain, torment and suffering of child birth don't
deserved a special day? |
| Tim: | You get a day; it's, er, Labor Day. |
| | |
| Cut to the backyard, later. |
|---|
| [Wilson is carrying an American flag] |
| | |
| Tim: | Afternoon Wilson. |
| Wilson: | Hidy-ho neighbor. |
| Tim: | What's with the flag? |
| Wilson: | Tim, I'm commemorating the up-coming
holiday. |
| Tim: | With a flag? It's not the 4th of
July, it's Mother's Day. |
| Wilson: | You see Tim, back in 1914 Congress passed a
resolution establishing Mother's Day as an official holiday. |
| Tim: | [Grunts] Uh? |
| Wilson: | It was a proclamation calling on the public
to display the flag as a sign of love and reverence to the mothers of our
country, and it was issued by the President of the United States -- [Wilson
fixes the flag above his door] |
| Tim: | -- Wilson. |
| Wilson: | Absolutely right, Tim, President Woodrow
Wilson. |
| Tim: | Well maybe old Woodrow took credit for it, but
I bet his mom gave him the idea. |
| Wilson: | Hmm-hm-hm. |
| Wilson's Mother: | Wilson! |
| Wilson: | Over here. |
| Tim: | You have company? |
| Wilson: | Oh, my favorite kind of company: Mother.
She just flew in from the Yukon. [Wilson's Mother comes over to
Wilson] |
| Tim: | Really, I finally get to meet your
mom. |
| Wilson: | Ah-ha. [Tim comes over to the fence] Mom,
I'd like you to meet my friend and good neighbor, Tim Taylor. [Wilson's Mother
sticks her hand in the air so Tim can see her - she's shorter than the
fence] |
| Wilson's Mother: | Hidy-ho Timothy. |
| Tim: | Hi. |
| Wilson's Mother: | You must be the confused one my
son helps out from time to time. |
| Tim: | Yeah, yeah, I'm him. [Tim bends down to try to
see her through the fence] It sure is good to meet you. [Tim sees an eye
looking through a hole in the fence] Hoa! I-I see where Wilson gets his good
looks. [Wilson laughs] |
| Wilson: | Yes, I just flew her in to help her
celebrate Mother's Day. We're going down to Greek Town to drink ouzo and dance
the Horome. [Wilson and his Mother start singing and dancing] |
| Tim: | Boy, you guys really like to get down,
huh? |
| Wilson's Mother: | You know it, baby. |
| Tim: | Y'know Wilson, that was a great, it's a great
idea flying your mom in like that. Randy, my, er, my middle son is having
trouble thinking of something for Mother's Day for, for my wife. |
| Wilson's Mother: | Oh, I'm sure she'll love anything
he gives her. |
| Wilson: | Hmm-hm. That's right Tim. After all, it was
Pierre Corneille, the noted French playwright who wrote "I am in the habit of
looking not so much to the nature of the gift as to the spirit in which it is
given." |
| Tim: | [Grunts] Oh, that's beautiful, yeah. |
| Wilson's Mother: | Excuse me son, are you sure it was
Corneille? I believe it was Robert Louis Stevenson. |
| Wilson: | Well, by golly Mom, I think you're
right. |
| Wilson's Mother: | Pierre Corneille wrote "the manner of
giving is worth more than the gift." |
| Wilson: | Ah! Act one, scene one of his play "Le
Menteur." |
| Wilson's Mother: | Oh, you do your mother proud.
[Wilson's Mother taps the top of Wilson's hat] |
| Wilson: | Oh mom. |
| Tim: | Thanks Wilsons. I was, um, enjoying this, er,
quote-fest, but remember, I'm the confused one. |
| Wilson: | Hm. |
| Tim: | And I still don't know what to tell Randy
about Mother's Day. |
| Wilson & Wilson's Mother: | Hmm.
Hm-hm-hm-hmm. |
| Wilson's Mother: | The most important gift you can
give any mother is to let her know she's loved and appreciated. |
| Wilson: | I couldn't have said it better
myself. |
| Tim: | Enjoy your time here. Greek Town's a lot of
fun. [Grunts] Oh-oh-yeah. [Tim goes inside] |
| | |
| Cut to the "Tool Time" studio. |
|---|
| [Tim takes his toolbelt off the peg] |
| | |
| Tim: | Anyway, today we're gonna show you how to pour
a concrete foundation. [Al is standing by a cement mixer] |
| Al: | That's right, and we'll be mixing our cement
with the Binford 2000 Cement Mixer. |
| Tim: | That's right. And to get a little help with
that cement mixing, we've got the cement mixing pros from K&B Construction
company up there in Bay City, Michigan, to join us. And I expect a big "Tool
Time" welcome for Dwayne, Pete and Rock. C'mon on out guys! [Tim applauds.
Rock, Pete and Dwayne enter, wearing hard hats] |
| Rock: | Hey! How're you doing! |
| Pete: | Hey! |
| Tim: | Alright, it's great to have you guys
here. |
| Rock: | Ah, it's always a pleasure to be here,
Timmy. |
| Tim: | Well, why don't we get started with that
concrete. We've got to take our footing -- |
| Pete: | -- excuse me Tim. If we have just a minute,
I'd, er, I'd like to read a poem, a short poem that I wrote for my
mom. |
| Tim: | Er. |
| Pete: | She'll be spending this Mother's Day up at
Michigan State. |
| Tim: | University. |
| Pete: | No, er, penitentiary. [Tim is taken aback. So
is Al] |
| Dwayne: | Pete! This is neither the time nor the
place. |
| Pete: | She was framed, Tim! [Al looks away] |
| Tim: | I think, under the circumstances, we could
drop our tools for a couple of minutes and give a salute to mothers anywhere,
or anywhere they spend their time. Ha... |
| [Dwayne goes over to Rock, exasperated. Pete takes off his
hard hat, and removes the piece of paper with his poem on it out of his hat.
Pete holds his hat to his chest] |
| Pete: | "An Ode to my Mother," by Peter Bilker. That
would be me. [Dwayne and Rock take off their hard hats and hold them to their
chests]"Who etched this tattoo, [Pete turns his shoulder with the tattoo towards the camera]
In her purple muumuu?
Mother, mother. [Tim mouths the second "mother"]
Who posted my bail,
Every time without fail?
Mother, mother. [Tim mouths the second "mother"]
And who rushed to the car,
With my severed thumb in a jar?
Er, father, father.
But who sewed it back on,
When the doctor was gone?
Mother, Mother."
[Pete puts the poem back in his hat and puts his hat back on] Happy Mother's
Day, Mom! [Pete holds up his thumb, which is twisted round!] |
| | |
| Cut to the kitchen. |
|---|
| [Randy & Tim wheel in a large trunk. Randy is dressed up in a
suit] |
| | |
| Tim: | You did a great job getting this working
again. |
| Randy: | Thanks Dad. I couldn't have done it without
your help. [The trunk has a sign on the front which reads "The Great
Randini"] |
| Tim: | You're the one that got it all cleaned up,
fixed that spring on the bottom. |
| Randy: | And the best part is you're gonna disappear
in it. [Brad & Mark enter from upstairs, also wearing suits] |
| Brad: | O.K. Dad, we're ready. |
| Mark: | We're ready. |
| Tim: | Oh, alright. Honey, come on down, we're all
set. [Tim & the boys stand in front of the trunk. Tim puts on his jacket] You
guys know what to do. When she gets down here, on three, alright? [Jill enters,
all dressed up] One, two, three. |
| Tim, Brad, Randy & Mark: | [Grunting] I love you Mom,
you're the best. |
| Jill: | You all look like such little gentlemen.
You're so clean [Jill kisses each of them in turn] and well-groomed. |
| Brad: | Mom, you don't have to rub it in. |
| Jill: | This is the best Mother's Day gift I could
get. C'mon, let's go to dinner. |
| Tim: | Whoa, whoa, whoa. [Tim gestures to Brad. Brad
goes over to the counter and gets Jill's gift] |
| Brad: | Alright Mom, happy Mother's Day. It's a
jewelry box. [Brad hands Jill the box] |
| Jill: | Brad, this is beautiful. [Tim pushes Mark
over to the counter] |
| Mark: | Look what I made you. |
| Jill: | Let me see. [Mark takes his gift out of the
bag] Hoh. |
| Mark: | Happy Mother's Day, Mom. |
| Jill: | Oh. |
| Mark: | It's a recipe box. [Mark gives Jill to
box] |
| Jill: | I love this. Look at it, it's made out of
popsicle sticks! What a surprise. |
| Randy: | And Mom, here's my gift to you. [Tim & Brad
move aside to reveal the trunk] A magic trick. |
| Jill: | That is just what I wanted. |
| Tim: | And it's real magic too. Serious
stuff. |
| Jill: | Yeah? |
| Tim: | Prepare to be amazed by The Great
Randini! |
| Jill: | Bravo. [Jill, Brad & Mark applaud] |
| Brad: | Bravo, bravo. |
| Randy: | Thank you, thank you. And you all know my
assistant Tim "The Toolman" Taylor. [Tim poses] |
| Jill: | And a lovely assistant he is too,
yes. |
| Randy: | After I lock my assistant in the trunk, [Tim
& Randy open the trunk lid] he will then disappear. Oops, what's this? [Randy
pulls a skeleton out of the trunk] Oh, sorry. That's my last assistant. [Tim
climbs into the trunk] |
| Tim: | Oh boy, I tell you. You look a foot short.
[Tim hands Randy one of the skeleton's legs which had fallen off. Dramatically]
Close the lid! [Randy closes the lid and locks the catches] |
| Randy: | Brad, you wanna help me out here? [Brad
comes over to help Randy] |
| Brad: | O.K. [Brad & Randy spin the trunk
around] |
| Randy: | Please observe that there are no holes of
any kind except in my assistant's head. Abracadabra! [Randy taps the top of
the trunk. Brad & Randy undo the catches and tip the trunk over. They open the
lid. The trunk is empty] Ta-da! |
| Jill: | I am amazed and astonished. |
| Randy: | Now, I shall make him reappear. [Brad &
Randy close the trunk lid and tip it back up again] |
| Jill: | Oh, what is your hurry? |
| Randy: | Abracadabra, don't stand near. Now my father
will appear! [Randy taps the top of the trunk again. Brad & Randy open the
trunk lid] Ta-da! Oops. [The trunk is still empty] |
| Mark: | Hey, where is he? |
| Randy: | I don't know. [Randy looks inside the
trunk] |
| Jill: | Well, these are all great presents boys.
Let's go to dinner. [Brad & Randy close the trunk lid and lock the
catches] |
| Randy: | Bye Dad! |
| Mark: | Bye Dad! |
| Brad: | Love you! |
| Randy: | Have a nice time. [Jill & the boys
leave] |
| Tim: | [From inside the trunk] Open the lid! [Tim
knocks on the trunk] C'mon! There's something moving in here! I'm laughing on
the inside, honey. I wanna laugh on the outside. |
| | |
| Cut to the "Tool Time" studio. |
|---|
| | |
| Al: | [Singing]
"M is for the million things she gave me,
[Pete hands Tim a rule, folded to form an M. Rock and Dwayne get other items
off the tool rack. Rock holds up a circular saw disc]
O means only that she's growing old," |
| Rock, Pete & Dwayne: | [In harmony]
"She's growing old," |
| Al: | [Dwayne holds up a T-square]
"T is for the tears you shed to save me," |
| Tim: | Guys, guys. |
| Al: | [Ignoring Tim]
"H is for the heart of purest gold,"
[Dwayne also holds up a clamp, forming an H] |
| Rock, Pete & Dwayne: | [In harmony]
"Of purest gold," |
| Al: |
"E is for their eyes with love lights shining,
[Pete holds up another clamp, forming an E]
R means right, and right you'll always be,"
[Al forms an R with his tape measure] |
| Rock, Pete & Dwayne: | [In harmony]
"She'll always be," |
| Al: |
"When you put them all together they spell:"
[Currently, they spell "Other" as Tim is missing. Al, Rock, Dwayne and Pete turn
to look at Tim, Tim gets out of his chair and joins them] |
| Tim: |
"Mother," |
| Al: |
"A word that means the world to me,"
[Tim walks off] |
| Al, Rock, Pete & Dwayne: | [In harmony]
"The world [They crouch down, and Tim runs back over to them and
joins in the harmony] to me." |
| | |
| CREDITS |
|---|
| | |
| [Outtake from Binford tools scene] |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Friends, having trouble unclogging that nasty
bathroom drain? Well these are just a few of the Binford products [Tim & Al
point at the products] to help you remove dirt, grease, and in Al's case,
spare, no, loose, no... |
| | |
| [Beep. Cut] |
|---|
| | |
| Tim: | Next I'd like to show you what we call the
closet auger. |
| Al: | Now this particular auger will clear -- [Tim
pulls the auger back, ready to cast. Al can't remember what comes next. Tim &
Al start laughing] |
| | |
| THE END |
|---|
