Images of the Cast of Home Improvement with the Home Improvement Archive title

Room for Change

Episode No# 066
Written by:
Jon Vandergriff
Directed by:
Andy Cadiff
Transcript by:
Duncan Taylor

Tim Taylor - Tim Allen
Jill Taylor - Patricia Richardson
Randy Taylor - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Brad Taylor - Zachery Ty Bryan
Mark Taylor - Taran Noah Smith
Wilson - Earl Hindman
Al Borland - Richard Karn
Guest Cast
Heidi - Debbe Dunning
Episode begins at the "Tool Time" set. Tim is lying on a sheet, wearing coveralls. Tim turns his head to look at the camera directly above him.
Tim: If you're like me, you've spent time on the floor after an accident waiting for the paramedics to arrive! It's times like these, a lot of thoughts roll through your head; I wonder if the bleeding will stop? I had no idea electricity could lift me off the ground that high! Or, from this angle, that smooth ceiling could use a little texture! How would we do that, Al?
[Al comes over to Tim. Al is wearing coveralls and a baseball cap, and has goggles and a breathing mask hanging round his neck]
Al: Well Tim, [Al helps Tim up] with Binford's 6100 Acoustic Spraying System.
[Al hands Tim some goggles and a breathing mask. Tim puts them round his neck]
Tim: That's right. With the 6100 system, even the most inexperienced, unskilled home-owner can do this simple job.
Al: And who better to demonstrate than you, Tim! [Tim looks at Al. Short pause]
Tim: For this job, Al and I suggest Binford's Acoustical Texture Spray.
Al: That's right. [Tim and Al go over to the bench where the spray is] It comes in these ready-to-mix bags.
Tim: All you do is add water [Tim starts stirring the spray] Or for a creamier texture, go with the butter-milk!
Al: Now obviously, you want to follow the instructions precisely because too much water and [Tim pours some more water into the spray] your mixture will not... adhere to your, to your ceiling. Tim, I've already mixed that.
Tim: Hmm-yeah. [Tim adds some more water] It just needs a bit more water, Al.
Al: I used a measuring cup. [Al shows Tim the cup]
Tim: [Tim scoffs] We're not doing the laundry, fella! I use a measuring system that never fails me - my eye. [Tim points to his eye]
Al: [Al looks towards the camera] My eye! [Tim puts his goggles on the top of his head]
Tim: Once you've mixed the compound, it's ready to load it in the hopper. [Tim picks up the hopper] Gimme a hand, Dennis. [Al smiles and pours in the spray] Perfecto! Alright! [Tim shakes the spray around in the hopper] When you get going, what you do is use [Tim and Al put on their goggles] short, even strokes, keeping the gun about two feet from your ceiling. [Tim and Al put on their breathing masks]
[Tim moves under the ceiling set and sprays the ceiling. When he finishes, they take off their breathimg masks]
Tim: And you doubted me. [Tim takes off his goggles]
Al: I stand corrected. [Al moves under the ceiling to examine it] I would be proud to have a ceiling like this in my living room. [Tim fingers the ceiling. Al takes off his goggles and looks up at what Tim is doing. The paint falls off the ceiling onto Al's face! Tim looks at Al]
Tim: [Shouting off-set] Who let those pigeons in here?
[Opening credits]
Cut to Brad and Randy's bedroom, the next morning.
[Brad is lying on his bed, using the phone]
Brad: No Ashley, there's nothing going on between me and Melissa... I just gave her a taste of my jello. It's not like we both chewed the same piece of gum! [Randy enters] Ashley, c'mon! Uh, hold on. [Brda covers the mouthpiece of the phone with his hand. To Randy] Randy, I'm on the phone. Get out. [Randy starts putting books into his school bag]
Randy: You get out. It's my room too.
Brad: I was here first!
Randy: Ohh, look, I'm just getting my books. [Randy gets ready to leave]
Brad: [Back to the phone] I'm listening. I swear there's nothing going on between me and Melissa. [Randy stops by the bed on his way out]
Randy: [In a high feminine voice] Oh, Brad! Get off the phone and kiss me! [Randy pretends to kiss] Mwa! Mwa! Mwa! Mwa! Mwa!
Brad: [Brad pushes Randy away] No that's not Melissa. It's my stupid brother!... [Brad gets off the bed] Listen Ashley, there's nothing going on between us. [Brad punches Randy in the back] Uh-huh?
Randy: [In a high feminine voice] Hold me, my hunka-hunka burning lurve! [Brad pushes Randy away again]
Brad: Ashley, I'll see you at school... Alright, bye. [Brad hangs up the phone] You're a hunk of dead meat. Get... [Brad runs towards Randy. Randy throws the basketball at him and runs out the room, closing the door behind him. Brad opens the door and runs after him]
Cut to the living room.
[Randy runs in, followed by Brad]
Brad: I'm gonna kill you!
Randy: [In a high feminine voice] But I thought you loved me!
[They chase each other round the table. Tim comes over to them]
Tim: Stop! Stop! Stop! [Tim separates them. Jill comes over]
Jill: Guys!
Tim: Stop! Stop!
Jill: Stop it!
Tim: What's going on?
Brad: He keeps bugging me when I'm on the phone.
Randy: He's on the phone 24 hours a day.
Tim: Don't use the phone so much.
Brad: Huh, I can't help it if I'm so popular! [Jill goes to the kitchen]
Randy: [In a high feminine voice] Well, I guess that's why all us girls love you! [Brad chases after Randy again]
Tim: Hey! Hey! Hey! Bradley! Bradley, come here! Come here! [Brad comes over to Tim]
Brad: What? [Randy goes out the front door]
Tim: Come here, take your coat, [Tim hands him his coat. Brad sighs] take your bag, [Tim hands him his bag] and you go out that way. [Brad leaves through the side door]
Jill: Huh! Well, this is what we're leaving the world!
[Tim sits down by the worktop and reads a magazine]
Tim: Face it honey, you've raised two very obnoxious little boys.
Jill: What is going on with them? They've really been going at it these last couple of weeks. [Tim puts down the magazine]
Tim: You're right. Black eye, bloody nose, stitches, loose tooth.
Jill: Well, we've gotta do something before they kill each other.
Tim: Tonight, after they're asleep, you and me, Puerto Rico! [Tim starts to dance. Jill looks at Tim]
Jill: Tim! This is serious. We've gotta find out what's wrong with them.
Tim: Alright.
Jill: Then we go to Puerto Rico! [Tim and Jill both dance!]
Tim: You want to solve this problem, there's only one thing to do - separate bedrooms.
Jill: We don't have anymore bedrooms. [Tim looks at Jill, hopefully] And no, no no, no no, no no, you're not building any more. [Tim gets up and follows Jill to the living room]
Tim: Honey, honey, we've talked about this before. [Jill puts on her jacket]
Jill: Hmm, hmm.
Tim: Move Brad into Mark's room and then Mark into Randy's room.
Jill: No. No. A-a-O.K., Brad is older, he probably should have his own room, but we can't make a decision like that without discussing it with the boys.
Tim: Why discuss it? The reason we became parents is so we could tell kids what to do. [Jill looks at Tim] If we can't do that, we're just the tallest people living here! [Jill smiles. Short pause]
Jill: You sound like my father!
Tim: Alriiight!
Cut to the "Tool Time" set, later that day.
[Tim and Al are recording the show]
Tim: Today, we're gonna show you how to soundproof as well as insulate the walls. Now there's a variety of products you can use, of course. [Tim and Al walk over to the samples] Acoustic padding, fiberglass badding, or very unattractive flannel! [Tim points at Al's shirt]
Al: The easiest way to install your insulation [Al and Tim walk over to the mock wall] is during construction, before you put up your drywall.
Tim: However, if the drywall's already been installed in your home, we suggest the foam injection method. Heidi, the foam injector please. [Heidi enters with the foam injector]
Heidi: Here you go Tim.
Tim: Thank you Heidi.
Heidi: You're welcome. [Heidi leaves and Tim picks up the injector gun]
Tim: Now, for this method, you're gonna have to drill some holes in your drywall.
Al: But first you want to find a stud. [Tim starts to pose] I said stud, not dud! [Al drills a hole in the wall]
Tim: There's already compressed air in there. To make it work, stick the nozzle in, and you start insulating.
Al: Hmm-mm. Should dry in about ten minutes.
Tim: That's right Al. Now, to show us some of the advantages of soundproofing, the crew and I got here early and constructed a special room. Heidi, my room please! [Heidi brings in the room] Now this room will not only protect you from the elements, keep you warm, but it's also totally soundproof.
[A message appears: "What Al doesn't know is that this isn't really a soundproof booth"]
Heidi: There you go Tim.
Tim: Thank you Heidi. [Heidi leaves] Watch this Al, can't hear a word, it's so good, watch this. [Tim opens the door to the booth] Talking like this, walk in. [Tim enters the booth] Hi everybody, it's just great to be here. My name's Tim "The Tool" [Tim closes the door and continues mouthing the words, making no sound. Al checks out the booth. Tim signals to Al and pretends to shout. Al leans towards the door but can't hear anything. Tim pretends to scream and then opens the door] ahhhhhhh! [Al applauds]
Al: That is truly amazing. We, we did not hear a sound.
Tim: Oh, that's how it was designed. You've gotta try it. Let yourself go. It's great. Yeah! [Al enters the booth and shuts the door]
Al: Tim? Can you hear me? [Tim mouths back and signals he can't hear anything] You can't hear me? In that case, I should be host of this show! [Tim rolls his eyes] And another thing, that's a stupid haircut you have! And another thing: [Sings]
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.
Tim: Al?
Al: Yes?
Tim: Al?
Al: Yes? [Short pause. Tim holds up his hand to the audience]
Tim: Can you hear me?
Al: [Slowly and loudly] I can hear you! [Short pause]
Tim: Think about that. [It dawns on Al] Major-General Borland!
[Tim salutes. Al pulls down a blind over the booth window]
Cut to outside Brad and Randy's room, later that afternoon.
[Randy is knocking on the door]
Randy: C'mon Brad! Let me in! [Randy kicks the door]
Cut to inside the room.
[Brad is leaning against the door]
Brad: No! You're gonna be out there for the rest of your life!
Cut to outside the room again.
Randy: Well there's no lock. You're gonna have to stand next to the door for the rest of your life!
Cut to inside the room again.
Brad: Maybe I will!
Cut to outside the room again.
Randy: Good plan, genius!
[Tim comes over]
Tim: I've got a better plan. Open this door right now Brad. C'mon!
Cut to inside the room.
[Brad opens the door. Randy and Tim enter]
Tim: Alright, why're you keeping him out of the room.
Brad: Because he keeps bugging me.
Tim: Bugging --
Randy: -- you're full of it. [Brad and Randy start fighting]
Brad: You're the one who's full of it!
Tim: C'mon! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! [Tim separates them] Sit down! Both of you, sit! [Brad sits on the end of his bed. Randy sits on a chair] Alright, your mom wants to know what's going on between you two. She's not here so it's up to me. Randy, what's the matter with Brad?
Randy: I hate him.
Tim: You don't hate him. Turn around to talk to me. [Randy swivels round in his chair] What's, what's the problem with Brad?
Randy: I hate him a lot.
Brad: Not as much as I hate him.
Randy: He won't let me into my own room. I can't even do my homework. [Brad stands up]
Brad: It's not just your room!
Randy: Well, you think you own it! [Brad climbs onto his bed]
Tim: Well, he doesn't own it. I own it. Actually, the bank kind of really owns it if you think about it! Guys, you've gotta figure out a way to work this out by yourselves, alright?
Brad: Randy shouldn't even have a room. He should be at the bottom of Lake Erie with the other shrimp!
Tim: Brad!
Randy: Yeah, and you'd fit right in on Mars where there's no sign of intelligent life!
Tim: First of all, they've never confirmed that! And second of all, I want you guys to shake hands and make up. Big brother, help little brother out, c'mon. [They don't move] Did you hear what I said? Shake hands, right this minute! C'mon, hop to it! [Randy stands up and Brad gets off the bed. They shake hands] Alright, good men. [Tim starts to leave]
[Randy tries to pull his hand from Brad's but he won't let go]
Randy: Quit squeezing! [They start pulling back and forth]
Brad: You're the one who's squeezing! [Tim runs over to them]
Randy: C'mon, let go!
Brad: You let go!
Tim: Both let go! Let him go, let, alright, let go! [Tim pulls them apart] Alright, down here. Tried it your mom's way, that didn't work. Now it's my way. I'm splitting you guys up. [Brad sits on his bed again]
Randy: What?
Tim: I'm moving him into Mark's room and Mark's in with you.
Randy: Wait a second, this is totally unfair! Why should Brad get his own room?
Tim: Because he's the oldest, and because I say so, alright?
Brad: I have to go with Dad on this one!
Tim: Don't push it!
Randy: This is totally unfair!
Tim: Well, life is totally unfair! [Randy goes over to his computer and sits down] When I was your age, I wanted my own room but I didn't get it! [Short pause] Come to think of it, I still don't have my own room! [Tim leaves]
[Commercial break]
Cut to the kitchen, later that evening.
[Tim enters from the garage with a cardboard box]
Tim: I got a box. [Tim gives the box to Mark]
Mark: Dad, I don't wanna move in with Randy. [Tim sits down on the steps next to Mark]
Tim: Oh, Mark, it may seem like a bad idea now, but a lot of times, bad things turn into good things.
Mark: What could be good about sharing a room with Randy?
Tim: Well, I've been thinking about it. Maybe you and Randy will get to know each other better. When I was your age, I moved in with Steve, you know Uncle Steve and I don't get along, and when we moved in together, we got real close. And after that, he didn't beat me up so much!
Mark: Really?
Tim: Yeah.
Mark: I guess that could be a good thing!
Tim: Yeah! And maybe you and Randy can gang up against Brad!
Mark: Yeah!
Tim: Alright!
Mark: Thanks Dad!
Tim: You bet! [They stand up. Tim goes into the kitchen and Mark takes the cardboard box over to the stairs. Jill enters from work]
Mark: Mom.
Jill: Hi honey. What are you doing with that box?
Mark: Dad's making me move! [Jill looks at him]
Jill: What?
Mark: To Randy's room. Now I get to beat up on Brad! [Mark goes upstairs]
Jill: [Shouts] Tim!
[Tim enters from the garage. Jill goes over to the kitchen]
Tim: That you honey? I could hardly hear you! [Tim cleans out his ear. Tim shows Jill some chammies] I got a whole buch of chammies on sale.
Jill: How could you?
Tim: You said always look for bargains! [Jill takes off her jacket]
Jill: I mean about switching the boys' rooms.
Tim: Oh, I tried it your way. It didn't work.
Jill: My way was that we told them! [Tim puts the chammies back in the garage] Was I not clear?
Tim: We, we, we. It can be taken so many ways. To you it meant us, to the French it means yes, to this little piggy it meant I'm going all the way home!
Jill: I can't belive that you made a decision like this without me!
Tim: If you'd been in the room, arguing with them, you'd have made the same decision.
Jill: No I wouldn't have. I would have discussed it with the boys and then I would have waited for you to come home, and we could have discussed it as a family!
Tim: And after all the discussion, the boys would have been, what, ninety?
Jill: Right. Make jokes.
Tim: O.K., a crocodile and a giraffe climbed --
Jill: -- Tim. [Jill fills the kettle]
Tim: Honey, I don't need endless discussions to make a decision. Men assess a situation, boom, done.
Jill: Are you saying that men are more decisive than women?
Tim: Ho, it's a fact! [Jill turns away in disgust] Oh c'mon! We don't shop three hours for shoes and handbags. The first pair of shoes I see that fit, [Tim slaps the worktop] I buy them.
Jill: Even if they're sling back heels?
Tim: If they fit!
Jill: You see, just because men make hasty decisions, doesn't mean that they're the right ones.
Tim: Men aren't yammers.
Jill: Is that what you think? You think that I yammer?
Tim: Jill, you're a yammer-er!
Jill: Well you're a yak ass! [Jill leaves]
Cut to the backyard.
[Wilson is taking photographs of the moon. Tim enters]
Tim: Evening Wilson.
Wilson: Heavenly-ho, good neighbor.
Tim: What're you doing?
Wilson: Tim, I'm shooting the moon. [Tim looks over the fence]
Tim: Aren't you supposed to have your pants down for that?
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. I'm taking time-lapse photographs. I'm traking the path of the blue moon. I've taken some very spectacular shots. [Wilson takes another picture]
Tim: That's funny. Jill just took some spectacular shots at me!
Wilson: Things out of orbit in the Taylor universe?
Tim: I suppose you could say that. I made a big decision without asking her. I, er, wanted to stop the boys from fighting so I put them in separate bedrooms.
Wilson: Hm-mm-mm. Well, that's a tough decision to make unilaterally.
Tim: Yeah. Jill figured I should have made it double-laterally! [Wilson looks up from his telescope]
Wilson: She used that word?
Tim: No, no. She doesn't have a big vocabulary like you and me. I thought if I separated them, it would stop them from fighting.
Wilson: Oh, I see. Well Tim, what were they fighting about? [Wilson comes over to the fence]
Tim: They're boys; they fight about everything. What's it matter?
Wilson: Well Tim, what you're describing to me brings to mind the verruca vulgaris.
Tim: [Grunts] Uhh?
Wilson: Also known as the common wart.
Tim: You're calling my sons warts?
Wilson: Oh.
Tim: Not that I mind! I don't mind!
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, no, Tim. What I'm trying to say is most people think the best way to get rid of a wart is to cut it off, but, in actuality, that isn't the best solution. See, the wart will reappear because the virus is still below the surface of the skin.
Tim: So just putting my two warts in separate rooms isn't going to cure this problem, huh?
Wilson: No. No Tim, the only way to get rid of a wart is to go beneath the surface of the oily skin and dig out the root.
Tim: I see. Thanks.
Wilson: Hmm-mm.
Tim: Wilson!
Wilson: Hm-mm?
Tim: This is, bar none, the most disgusting conversation we've ever had! [Wilson laughs]
Cut to Randy and Mark's room.
[Randy is working on his computer. Jill knocks on the door and enters]
Jill: Hi.
Randy: Hi.
Jill: Where's Mark?
Randy: I don't know.
Jill: Did you stuff him in one of these drawers? [Jill points to the drawers. Randy doesn't respond] Not funny, huh?
Randy: It's about as funny as what Dad did. [Jill pulls over a chair and sits down next to Randy] Do you think you could talk to him?
Jill: Would you feel better if things went back to the way they were?
Randy: I'd feel better if I had my own room. [Randy stands up]
Jill: Unfortunately that's not gonna be an option. [Randy sits on his bed]
Randy: So what are my options? Living with the dork or living with Brad who talks on the phone all day. [Jill wheels her chair over to Randy]
Jill: Honey, Brad is in junior high school now. Y'know, he's gotta lot of new stuff happening, he's meeting new friends, getting interested in girls --
Randy: -- let me get this straight. Brad gets new friends, girls, and his own room, and I get Mark?
Jill: I'm sorry. I know that this is hard for you. I remember when my sister hit her teens, y'know, I, she was doing all this interesting stuff that I wished I was doing.
Randy: Like what?
Jill: Well, she got her own room, she started wearing make-up, shaving her legs. Can you imagine how I felt when she got to wear a bra and I was still wearing a dorky undershirt?
Randy: Yeah I can! When do you think I get to wear a bra, Mom? [Jill smiles]
Jill: [Laughing] O.K., O.K., that's probably not the greatest example, but what I mean is, I got older, y'know, and I got to have some of those same experiences. I can't say this shaving-the-legs part was so great. But then my sister moved out.
Randy: And then you got your own room?
Jill: No, then Dad turned it into a study.
Randy: Great.
Jill: Don't worry. Y'know with your father, you won't have that problem.
Randy: Yeah. Dad's idea of a study is a toilet and three hot rod magazines! [Randy gets off his bed and goes over to the drawers. Jill wheels her chair over to him]
Jill: Y'know Randy, there are some advantages to sharing a room with a younger kid.
Randy: Such as?
Jill: Well, you've always wanted to have the upper bunk. You get to listen to more of your music. Nobody can kick you out of your room.
Randy: Yeah, but I can always kick Mark out!
Jill: I didn't say that. Oh, who knows. Maybe just one of these days I'll just completely lose my mind and let your father build another room.
Randy: I don't think so, Mom!
Cut to the kitchen.
[Tim has just come in from the backyard. Jill comes downstairs]
Tim: Jill! Jill! [Jill goes into the living room. Tim follows her] We've gotta talk.
Jill: No, that's not necessary now because I've been thinking about what you said and I think that women do need to be more decisive. So I've decided that we should move my car into the garage and your hot rod out to the street --
Tim: -- no --
Jill: -- and I should paint all your tools pink!
Tim: No, no. [Jill sits down on the couch]
Jill: I've also decided that I'm not doing anymore of your laundry.
Tim: Oh, O.K., O.K., O.K., O.K., I get your point. [Tim sits on the couch next to her] And I've decided, no matter what I do, those warts are going back to Bulgaria! [Jill looks at Tim, confused]
Jill: Why do I even try to talk to you?
Tim: The point is, we've gotta get beneath the oily surface and get to the root of the boys' problem.
Jill: I've already gotten to the root of the boys' problem. Randy feels that Brad is leaving him behind.
Tim: What d'you mean?
Jill: Well, Brad's growing up. He doesn't want to spend any time hanging around with his little brother any more.
Tim: That's what this is about?
Jill: Yeah. Oh, it was bound to happen, I guess.
Tim: Yeah. There was a time my brothers didn't want me tagging around with them.
Jill: Did it bum you out?
Tim: Not really because I tagged along anyway! Bummed them out!
Jill: [Jill laughs] I'll bet!
Tim: They'd go to the drive-in with their girlfriends and I'd sit in the back seat and pop up right when they're trying to make their move with a fright wig and [Tim pulls a face and waggles his fingers] ooo-loo-ooo-loo-ooo! [Jill smiles]
Randy: [Shouts from upstairs] Get out of my room!
Mark: [Shouts from upstairs] It's my room too! [The door slams] Hey, let me in! [Mark starts knocking on the door]
Randy: [Shouts from upstairs] Get out of my room!
[Tim pretends to cry]
Jill: I've just made another decision. [Mark knocks on the door again]
Tim: Puerto Rico?
Jill: It's nice this time of year! [Tim and Jill start to dance]
Cut to Randy and Mark's room, the next day.
[Randy is lying on his bed, reading. Brad enters and starts playing with the basketball]
Brad: Hi!
Randy: Hi. [Pause]
Brad: Is it alright if I hang out in here?
Randy: If you want.
[Brad climbs onto Randy's bed]
Brad: I've gotta get away from Mom.
Randy: Why? Did she tell you the bra story?
Brad: No. She keeps bugging me about my new room. Y'know, having your own room isn't as great as you think it is.
Randy: Why not?
Brad: Because Mom says it's a privilege and with privilege comes more responsibility.
Randy: Sounds bad!
Brad: No kidding. I even have to do my own laundry. [Short pause]
Randy: Oh man!
Brad: Well, it's not that bad. See, I figured it out. I'll only have to do it once a month if I turn my shirts inside out and, um, I wear my underwear three times!
Randy: Brad, do me a little favor. When it gets to the end of the month [Randy slaps Brad on the shoulder] stay in your own room!
[Brad gives Randy the basketball. Randy shoots at the basket and Brad dumps it in as he leaves]
[Outtake from Jill's talk with Randy. Cut to Randy and Mark's room. Randy is sitting on the bed. Jill is sitting on a chair in front of him]
Jill: Can you imagine how I felt when she got to wear a bra and I was still wearing a dorky undershirt?
Randy: Yeah I can! [Jill starts to smile. Then Randy starts to smile. He jumps off the bed and leaves the set, shaking his head and arms, embarrassed. Jill and Randy laugh]
Staff: Leave those two alone!
Randy: No, please, no!

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