Images of the Cast of Home Improvement with the Home Improvement Archive title

Communication Breakdown

Episode #145
Written by:
Eric Horsted
Directed by:
Geoffrey Nelson
Transcript by:
Thomas B. Alb
Corrections should be sent to:
Duncan Taylor

Tim Taylor - Tim Allen
Jill Taylor - Patricia Richardson
Randy Taylor - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Brad Taylor - Zachery Ty Bryan
Mark Taylor - Taran Noah Smith
Wilson - Earl Hindman
Al Borland - Richard Karn
Guest Cast
Heidi - Debbe Dunning
Dennis - David DeLuise
Delores - Shirley Prestia
Harry - Blake Clark
Episode begins in the Taylor house. Brad is on the phone. Randy is standing by the table, Mark is in the kitchen. Brad goes over from the kitchen towards the living room.
Brad: [To the phone] Haha, yeah. So then he goes "You should go out with me.", so then she goes "Go out with you?", so then I go [Brad arrives at the table where Randy is standing] "Hey, you should go."
Randy: And then I go "You're an idiot." [Brad goes back on the other side of the counter towards the basement door]
Mark: [Mark is sitting on the counter by the phone now] Come on, we need to use the phone.
[Jill enters from the garage and goes over to the stove]
Jill: Well guys, I just did my first oil change on the Healey.
Randy: Congratulations. How did you manage to stay so clean? [Jill puts on her watch]
[Tim enters from the garage, and has a big oil stain on his shirt]
Tim: She used me for a drop cloth. [Tim starts cleaning his hands]
Jill: And a shop rag. [Jill turns Tim around. There are oily handprints on his back]
Tim: Well now I gotta change. I'm gonna call Harry, I was supposed to be watching that hockey game over there for five minutes ago.
[Tim goes over to the phone. Mark is still sitting on the counter and points to the phone]
Mark: Take a number.
[Brad reappears from behind the back of the cupboard next to the trash compactor and is still talking]
Brad: [to the phone] No no no, Britney is not Heather's friend, Britney is Ashley's friend and now Heather started hanging out with Courtney, ever since they came to school wearing the same pair of earrings. [Brad walks back towards the basement door and disappears again]
Tim: I can't stand this anymore, everytime I want to use the phone, one of my strapping young boys is clucking like a hen on the phone, mwab-mwab-mwab-mwab-bah-bah bah-bah-bah.
Jill: I think I may have a solution. [Tim starts eating some snacks that are on the counter] Brad, get off the phone.
Brad: [To the phone] Alright, yeah, I gotta go... Bye. [Brad hangs up the phone. Mark reaches out to pick it up again]
Jill: Mark wait! None of you is using the phone until we work out a system of phone usage for you boys.
Tim: Alright, listen up.
Jill: O.K., it's very simple. [Saying this without interruption almost in one breath] Each of you will be allotted 45 minutes a day of phone time, but you can't use it continuously, unless nobody else is waiting and of course none of these rules apply during peak calling times, [Randy, Brad and Mark just stare at Jill trying to follow her] which will be nine to five on weekdays, all day weekend and any time your father and I are home. Also keep in mind, if you fail to use your daily allotment, you can't apply that to future phone usage. [pause] Does that sound fair, Tim?
Tim: I lost you after "It was all very simple."
[Opening credits]
Cut to Harry's house.
[Delores is working in the kitchen. Tim and Harry are watching the hockey game]
Tim: Go go go go go go go! No!
Harry: Ah, idiot! [Tim takes his beer bottle from the table to find out it's empty] Hey Delores, you want to get Tim another beer, please?
Delores: I just got off work. I'm starving to death, and my feet are swelled up like a couple of bloated toads.
Harry: Is that a "yes" or "no"? [Delores gives him a look]
Tim: Hey, I- I'll get it. [Tim looks from Delores to Harry]
Harry: Absolutely not! You're a guest at this house, [Harry gets up] you shouldn't have to get your own beer. [Harry adjusts the pillow on his chair and sits down again. Delores looks at him and continues working in the kitchen]
Tim: But I'm so comfortable as a gosh darn guest here, I'd prefer to get my own beer. [Tim gets up]
Harry: Would you get me one too? [Harry hands Tim his empty bottle. Tim goes to the kitchen. There are knocks on the door. Tim stops and looks at Harry, then at Delores, questioningly. Delores looks at Harry and points to the door. It's knocking again. Tim looks at Harry again, Harry looks at Delores and points to he door. Tim puts the bottles down on the counter]
Tim: Heck, why don't I get it. [Tim opens the door. Dennis enters, carrying his toolbox and some other technical device] Hey, Dennis!
Dennis: Hey, Tim.
Tim: You need a hand with anything?
Dennis: No, I got it, How are you doing? It's been a long time, and last time I saw you you had the... [Dennis points to his head gesturing some head injury]
Tim: It's all healed, it's all healed, yeah.
Dennis: Hey Dad, hi Mom. [Dennis goes to the kitchen]
Delores: Hi honey.
Harry: If you came by to watch hockey, it's not much of a game.
Tim: That's right, the Wings are down by seven goals. [Tim gets two beers from the refrigerator]
Dennis: Oh, ooh. Actually, I came in to hook the power supply up for the video phone. [Dennis holds up the power adaptor and starts installing it]
Tim: Video phone?
Delores: Yeah. Dennis has one at his place, and he also put one in at the hardware store. [Tim gives Harry the beer and goes back to the kitchen counter]
Harry: Yeah, Delores loves it, I call it "Must-Nag-TV".
Dennis: I'm working for a communications company [Dennis gives Tim his card] that installs all kinds of high tech systems.
Tim: Yeah. It's a good company. Last time we talked you were selling real estate.
Harry: Yeah, he was. But then he was a salesman, then he was a bank teller, and then a waiter. Oh, and then he went into his human guinea-pig period.
Delores: But Dennis has found a career he really loves, isn't that right?
Dennis: Oh, yeah, it's awesome. I mean the technology is changing every day.
Tim: Yeah, I read a lot about it--
Dennis: And the best thing is, I'm smacked at it in the middle of it.
Tim: Congratulations--
Dennis: And I'm getting paid for it, I mean, it's the coolest job.
Tim: Boy you're perky, Dennis!
Harry: Yeah, he takes that from his mother.
Delores: [Sitting in the kitchen, eating] Shut up, Harry. [Harry points his hand at Delores, "See?"]
Tim: Do you guys install those automated home systems?
Dennis: Oh yeah, I install those all the time. I can automate just about anything my customers want.
Tim: Yeah? What if I wanted to flush my toilet from the car?
Dennis: Then you'd be a strange, strange man.
Delores: Why don't you have him automate your house?
Harry: [Harry jumps up from his chair and holds up his hand] Hey! Don't start, Delores! Tim doesn't like to be pushed into buying things.
Tim: Oh yes I do. But I don't think I can talk Jill into it. All we really need is a second phone line right now.
Dennis: I can put that in for you.
Harry: I-I- I don't know, Tim, I, I don't think it's a good idea having your kid work for your friends.
Tim: That's what friends are for. Think you can do it?
Dennis: Sure. And while I'm in there, maybe I can sell you and Jill one of these video phones.
Tim: Does this thing work?
Dennis: Yeah, here, check it out. I'll just, er, speed-dial the hardware store. [Dennis speed-dials the hardware store]
Al: [Al is on the video phone] Hello, Harry's Hardware. This is Al.
Tim: You know, there's just some things you don't want to see. [Tim puts the video phone screen down]
Cut to the Taylor house.
[Jill is sitting at the table, working on the computer. Tim comes over from the kitchen]
Jill: Just a second phone line, that's all he's gonna do, right?
Tim: Yeah, just a second phone line.
Jill: Alright. [Tim sits down at the table next to Jill]
Tim: But as long as he's here, --
Jill: No.
Tim: -- can't we just -- can't we just --
Jill: No.
Tim: -- one time--
Jill: No.
Tim: -- just think,--
Jill: No.
Tim: -- think, think, --
Jill: No!
Tim: -- think, think - wa-wa-wa what about--
Jill: No. No.
Tim: -- home automated system!
Jill: No!
Tim: Alright. I'll call up and talk about a second phone line. [Tim gets up and goes over to the phone]
Jill: Just a second line.
Tim: But if we could just--
Jill: No! Never.
Tim: [Tim picks up the phone and hangs it up again] Mark's on the phone.
Jill: What? He's been on the phone all day. I told him an hour ago, no more phone calls.
Tim: [Tim picks the phone up again] Mark. Didn't your Mom tell you one hour ago to get off the phone?... Yeah... Well stop the girlie chitchat and get off the phone. [Tim hangs up the phone] Big news! Katie likes Trevor!
Jill: Katie likes Trevor? --
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: -- I thought Katie liked Justin. And then, Justin likes Chloe.
Tim: You gotta let this go.
[Mark comes down the stairs]
Mark: Dad, don't you ever do that again! That was a really important call.
Tim: Excuse me. Who do you think you're talking to?
Mark: Not to my friends thanks to you.
Jill: Mark, I told you, 45 minutes was the limit.
Tim: Apparently you don't feel like playing by the rules though.
Mark: It's a stupid rule!
Tim: It's a stupid rule, huh? How about three days without phone calls, how about that?
Mark: Dad, that's a--
Tim: You wanna argue with me, it'll be a week.
Mark: This bites! [Mark walks off upstairs]
Tim: Oh yeah? [Calling after Mark] How about three weeks without a phone call, that'll-that'll BITE! [Tim goes back to the kitchen. Jill comes over to him]
Jill: Three weeks? Don't you think that's a little extreme? [Tim starts looking for something in the refrigerator]
Tim: Well what would you have done?
Jill: I would have given him a warning.
Tim: You give me warnings all the time, does that ever do any good?
Jill: No, but I still have hope for the children.
Cut to the kitchen, later.
[There are some wires hanging out the wall where the phone previously was. Dennis is checking them]
Dennis: Whoever did your last wiring job, really didn't know what he was doing.
Tim: Well that guy is not allowed to work around here anymore.
Dennis: That's too bad. Now all I've got to do is run the fish tape upstairs, hook it to the new line, and yank it through.
Tim: Right. I can give you a hand if you want.
Dennis: I thought you said that guy wasn't allowed to work here anymore. [Dennis' pager beeps] Ooh. Um, oh man. I got a customer that needs me. I wanna get the job done right, [Dennis closes his tool box] I'm sorry. Do you think you'll be O.K. without a second phone line for a little while longer? You've still got the first line.
Tim: Yeah. That'd be great. I haven't actually used the first line since, er, Katie started hating Justin. Huh. [Dennis leaves out the front door]
Cut to three hours later.
[Jill is at the desk by the front door using the phone. Randy & Brad enter from upstairs and go to the living room. Mark is in the kitchen, Tim is looking at the wires]
Randy: This is ridiculous, Dennis has been gone for three hours.
Brad: And Mom won't get off the phone. [Brad looks at his watch] Angela is probably married by now.
Mark: By the time I get to use the phone all my friends will be in their retirement home. [Tim fakes crying]
Randy: Mark, quit exaggerating. You don't have any friends. [Brad laughs, Mark looks at them and leaves]
[Tim comes over to Brad and Randy]
Tim: Guys. Listen up. [To Brad] I think I can pull that second line down by myself if you help me upstairs. I'll hook it on the fish tape, wrap it around there, we'll set it back down. Use the intercom and talk to me. [To Randy] You, if Mom looks up distract her, big arms, big gestures, [Tim demonstrates this by waving around with his hands] big hands, big hands, big hands, big hands.
Brad: Got you.
Randy: Got you.
[Brad goes upstairs. Randy sits on the counter blocking Jill's view to the phone. Tim sticks the fish tape up the wall and gets stuck somewhere halfway and can't move it in either direction]
Tim: Uh-oh.
Randy: Not a word you want to hear in this house.
Tim: [To the intercom] Hey Brad, it's hung up on something. What is it?
Brad: I don't see anything.
Tim: Alright, then I'll pull it back out. We'll try it one more time. [Tim tries to pull the tape out of the wall, but can't. To Randy] Big arms. [Randy holds up and moves around his hands to "distract" Jill. Tim gives the fish tape one more tug as it becomes loose, resulting in him ripping a big piece out of the wall. There are some sparks. Randy jumps off the counter. Tim looks at Jill. Randy continues trying to distract Jill]
Jill: The phone went dead! [Tim turns away and scratches himself. Jill gets up and comes towards them, then sees the hole] Ohmygod, what happened?
Randy: Well looks like Dad just yanked away all our phone privileges.
Jill: Tim, why couldn't you wait till Dennis got here?
Tim: I waited three hours, [Tim looks at his watch] I can only wait so long having a hole in the wall. [The doorbell rings] There's Dennis, he'll fix it, don't worry about it. I'll get some drywall patch. It'll be alright.
[Jill opens the door. Harry enters holding a paper bag]
Harry: Hi Jill. Hey Tim. I just dropped by to bring Dennis his lunch and say [Harry sees the hole] what the hell happened??!
Jill: Tim tried to fix the phone.
Harry: [Harry looks around] Where's Dennis?
Tim: He was paged. He's been gone about three hours, so...
Harry: He left in the middle of the job?
Jill: Well yeah, but Tim tried to finish it.
[Jill leaves. There are knocks on the door, Dennis enters]
Dennis: Hey guys, --
Harry: Hey.
Dennis: -- hey Dad, sorry I'm late. [Dennis sees the hole] Whoa! What happened?
Tim: Huh, that guy showed up. Haha. [Jill returns with a dustpan and a small broom]
Harry: How could you leave my friend stranded for three hours?
Dennis: I got paged on another job. I guess I got a little overbooked.
Jill: He's here now, no big deal.
Harry: It's a very big deal. You know you can't leave Tim alone with a hole in the wall!
Tim: [To Jill, quietly] Told you so. [Jill pulls a face at Tim]
Dennis: Listen. I gotta get back to work.
Harry: Yes you do. Now I'm gonna stay here, and make sure you do it right this time.
Dennis: You're just gonna stand here and breathe down my neck?
Harry: You're damn right I am.
Tim: Guys, will you just settle down please?
Jill: You know, you don't have to be so tough on him. Our walls always look like this.
Dennis: Dad, would you just trust me to do this by myself?
Harry: I trust you to screw it up.
Dennis: That's it. I'm outta here. [Dennis gets his tools and goes to the door]
Harry: Fine! Run away.
Tim: No, it's not fine! Don't run away, Dennis. Come on.
Dennis: Look, I'm sorry, I'll send somebody else out to finish the job.
Harry: Yeah, but make sure that somebody else knows what they're doing. [Dennis leaves] Oh, to hell with him. [Harry takes Dennis' lunch and leaves slamming the door, causing some more dust coming out of the hole and the intercom falling out of the wall]
Brad: [Over the intercom] Dad?
Tim: [Shouting upstairs] What?
Brad: What should I do?
Tim: [Tim picks up the intercom and speaks directly into it] Take up the lost art of letter-writing.
[Commercial break]
Cut to the kitchen/living room, a little bit later.
[Tim is sitting at the table, with the open phone book in front of him. He gets up and sneaks over to the phone, trying to avoid a squeaky board in the floor. Over by the phone he picks up some wire snippers and starts snipping a wire but gets interrupted when Jill comes in on the other side of the counter]
Jill: Don't even think about it. [Tim quickly puts the tool away and scratches himself] I can't believe the way Harry went after Dennis.
Tim: He just went after him because he cares about him. [Jill takes the garbage bag out of the bin] What do you think the kid would be like when Harry didn't come down so hard on him.
Jill: I don't know. Happy?
Tim: Happy. What would the world be like if everyone walked around... happy?
Jill: A happy world? [Tim takes the garbage bag from Jill]
Tim: It's just as important for kids to be responsible. Dennis was three hours late, he screwed up, and it was Harry's job as a parent to try to straighten things out.
[Tim and Jill go into the backyard]
Cut to the backyard.
Jill: Like you tried to straighten out Mark?
Tim: What has that have to do with anything?
Jill: Well you were pretty tough on him for talking on the phone. [Tim puts the bag into the trash]
Tim: And thanks to me he's not talking on the phone, is he?
Jill: Thanks to you nobody is.
Tim: This isn't just about the phone, you know. You heard him come down with that attitude. I had to say something.
[Jill goes back inside, followed by Tim]
Cut to the kitchen/living room.
Jill: Look Tim, if the kids get older, the problems and the attitudes are just gonna get bigger. You have to pick your battles and be more sensitive.
Tim: You know, you're probably right, you know. Gosh you are right. Next time one of the boys smarts off to me, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take him out for a, a nice little cup of tea. [Jill smiles] And while they're buttering their scones, I will ask what punishment they, they would prefer.
Jill: You joke, but you won't be laughing when you end up with a relationship like Dennis and Harry's. [Jill goes back to the computer]
Tim: I have a good relationship with the boys, thank you. I'm not gonna end up like Harry. I know what I'm doing around here! [Tim picks up the wire snippers again and snips one of the wires. The handset of the other phone in the living room sparks and shoots up into the air. Tim looks at the phone, then some of the wires from the intercom start sparking too. He quickly turns to the intercom and drops the snippers. Jill looks at the phone, then at Tim, a little bit shocked]
Cut to the backyard.
[Tim goes over to the fence]
Tim: Hey Wilson.
Wilson: Hidy-ho, neighbor. [Tim starts picking up some fire wood]
Tim: What are you doing over there? [Wilson throws a couple of coins onto a book on his bench]
Wilson: Tim, are you familiar with the I-Ching?
Tim: Sure. The itching, the scratching, the chafing. That's why I switched to boxers, my friend.
Wilson: [Laughing] No... No, actually, the I-Ching is the ancient book of Chinese wisdom. You ask a question about your life, and then you toss these coins, [Wilson tosses the coins] and you try to divine the answer from the book.
Tim: Well I got a question for those coins.
Wilson: Hmm, shoot.
Tim: Do you think I'm too tough on my kids?
Wilson: Might I inquire what brings that issue to the fence? [Wilson comes over to the fence]
Tim: In a word? Jill. She says I should probably be more sensitive on how I discipline my kids.
Wilson: Well it's true, the way you talk to your children now can have a profound effect on your future relationship.
Tim: I say some tough things to them, but certainly not as tough as Harry says to his kid.
Wilson: Ah! Dennis tells me that Harry has quite a lexicon.
Tim: A lexicon? No, he drives a Buick.
Wilson: You know Tim, I ran into Dennis at the coffee shop today, and he was so angry at Harry, he told told him that he's leaving town.
Tim: What? Just because of what Harry said to him?
Wilson: Well, I guess so. You know as Longfellow says, a torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words can bruise the heart of a child.
Tim: Do you think I should have a talk with Harry?
Wilson: Well, let's see what the I-Ching says. [Wilson goes back to the book and tosses the coins] M-m, hm-m hm-m hm-m hm-m hm-mmm-mm. Yes, it says the situation is a microcosm juxtaposed against and created by the macrocosm of the universe. [Tim just stares at the ground] And there my neighbor, you have your answer. [Tim nods]
Tim: Yep. But now I've forgotten the question. [Tim goes back inside]
Cut to the living room.
[Tim takes the fire wood over to the fireplace. Mark is sitting on the couch, reading some book]
Tim: Hey Mark. [Mark doesn't respond] Mark. [Mark looks up from his book] Do me a favor. When Mom comes home tell her I went over to Harry's for a minute.
Mark: Whatever you say.
Tim: I know you're angry with me because I disciplined you over the phone, right?
Mark: And because you embarrassed me.
Tim: You know, I probably shouldn't have done that. But that gave you no right to talk to me the way you did.
Mark: Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry.
Tim: Feel like playing by the rules now?
Mark: Yeah.
Tim: Then you can use the phone as soon as it gets fixed.
Mark: When will that be?
Tim: Well very soon. Provided I don't get anywhere near it.
Cut to Harry's house.
[Delores is dusting]
Delores: [Dusting a picture of Dennis] My little sweetie. [To Harry's picture] You can dust yourself.
[The doorbell rings. Tim enters]
Tim: Hi Delores.
Delores: What do you want?
Tim: Well, I heard about Dennis wanting to move away. And I came over to talk to Harry about it. [Tim follows Delores to the kitchen]
Delores: Let me get this straight. You're taking it upon yourself to fix our family problems?
Tim: Not if you're gonna yell at me...
Delores: Tim, you're a marvelous person! [Delores starts to hug Tim]
Tim: No...
Delores: Would you like a beer? Some cheese and crackers. Can I glaze you a ham? Oh. [Delores hugs him again]
Tim: Well I just thought if they talked, that they just-- [Harry enters through the front door]
Harry: Tim? [They suddenly stop hugging and turn to look at Harry. Delores goes to the refrigerator to get Tim a beer] What are you doing here?
Tim: Well, certainly not what it looks like. Haha.
Delores: [Holding the beer] He came over because he's a caring, loving human being who recognizes the importance of family unity.
Harry: Are you drunk?
Delores: I'm gonna leave you two alone. [Delores gives Tim the beer] Now, try and open that thick scull of yours, and listen to what this man has to say. [Tim drinks from the beer] He's a lot smarter than he looks. [Tim nods while still drinking. Delores leaves]
Tim: I wanna talk to you about Dennis.
Harry: Look. Nothing you can say could possibly change my mind. [Harry gets himself a beer out of the refrigerator]
Tim: Well, how about some words of wisdom from Longfellow during his itching period. He said, "Don't juckopose anything in a macroscope in this universe." [Tim drinks from the beer again]
Harry: Are YOU drunk?
Tim: What I'm trying to say is, your kid's about ready to leave your life. Is that what you really want?
Harry: It doesn't matter what I want. It never mattered what I want. I wanted him to got to college, he dropped out. Then I wanted him to learn the hardware business, but he wasn't interested.
Tim: Well, maybe the kid is just looking for a career of his own. And you know, I think he's found one that he's good at.
Harry: Good at?
Tim: Yeah.
Harry: He walked out in the middle of a job! I can't even begin to imagine leaving a customer waiting for three hours.
Tim: How about three weeks?
Harry: What?
Tim: Remember when you forgot to order that grinder for me, and I did the whole job by hand?
Harry: One mistake.
Tim: Well the kid's allowed to make one mistake. His mistake is he's got too many customers. Too MANY customers. That means he must be doing something right.
Harry: Yeah, he was always good with his hands.
Tim: Well why wouldn't he be, he takes after his old man, doesn't he?
Harry: Huh. Maybe I should give him another chance.
Tim: You bet you should. Give the kid a call.
Harry: Well how do I know he's not already in a plane halfway across the country?
[Delores comes rushing in and points at the video phone]
Delores: Because I've got him on hold. Pick up the video phone.
Harry: [Tim picks up the video phone and turns it into Harry's direction] Tim, no, no. [Shaking his head and hands] I don't wanna talk to him. No no no, no, no... [Tim presses a button on the video phone, Dennis appears on the video phone screen. Harry continues shaking his right hand to make it look like waving] Hey, Dennis. Hi.
Dennis: Hi.
Harry: Look, uh, I'm sorry I came down so hard on you.
Dennis: My screen's a little fuzzy, for a second there I thought you're my father.
Harry: I mean it. Look, I, I don't want you moving away. That would upset your mother. [Delores looks at Harry] And... it would upset me too.
Tim: [Tim bends over the counter to look into the phone] And it would really upset me. Because I've got that big hole in my wall.
Harry: You know what you need? You need a responsible professional to help you out. And I think I know just the guy.
Dennis: Thanks Dad.
Delores: Tool Man, I'm gonna glaze you that ham.
Tim: Glaze away, baby.
Cut to the "Tool Time" studio.
[The "Tool Time" music plays, Al salutes]
Tim: Hi. Welcome back to Tool Time.
Al: We're here with home communication expert, Dennis Turner.
[Tim and Al go over to the workbench where Dennis is. The workbench has a computer with touch screen display on it. Dennis holds up his thumb and smiles into the camera]
Tim: Today we're talking about the fully automated house. Heidi, let's show them our fully automated house.
[Heidi removes the cover from the fully automated house]
Heidi: Here you are, Tim. [A fanfare plays]
Tim: Thank you, Heidi.
Heidi: You're welcome. [Heidi leaves]
Al: Actually, this is a mockup of an automated house.
Tim: Wow, now you tell me. I've half my stuff moved in there already.
Dennis: The automated home is controlled by a touch-screen, which is hooked into a central computer.
Al: That's right. With a simple touch of your finger you can turn on your air-conditioning, your stereo, --
Tim: -- or your lights. [Tim pushes the light icon on the touch screen and red lights come on behind the windows]
Al: Red lights?
Tim: Whoops. Wrong district. [Tim changes the light color to white]
Al: Well the great thing about an automated house is that you can customize it to your personality.
Tim: Now this is like an automated doll house. Of course Al would have an automated [Slowly, in a yawning voice] dull house. [Tim yawns]
Al: Well what would be so great about your automated house?
Tim: Well. I'll show you. In my house let's say I want my plants to have perfect sun. Alright? Press this plant icon. [Tim presses the plant icon. The caption on the screen is "TOOL TIME TIM CONTROL"] And my house rotates from a northern exposure to a beautiful sunny western exposure. [The house rotates by about 30 degrees counter-clockwise]
Al: Well I wouldn't want to be living in a spinning house.
Tim: Well who invited you? Well here's a good one. Let's say your neighbor has put on a new two-storey addition. You can't even see the stockyards anymore. Press this, [Tim presses another icon] and your house rises to the occasion. [The house moves up] When you go get the paper, honey, watch that first step. It's a mean one!
Al: This feature is also good for keeping away those pesky door-to-door salesmen. [Al laughs to himself]
Tim: And speaking of keeping people away from you, you know, when the mother-in-law comes to visit, perfect opportunity is the automated house. She's not getting in here, no way. [Tim touches the big icon in the middle of the screen (which is a mother-in-law pictogram that is labeled "WARNING" at the top and "approaching" at the bottom), causing the house to disappear in the ground, leaving a sign that reads, "LOT FOR SALE"]

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