Images of the Cast of Home Improvement with the Home Improvement Archive title

Quest for Fire

Episode No# 152
Written by:
Bruce Ferber, Lloyd Garver
Directed by:
Andrew Tsao
Transcript by:
Corrections should be sent to:
Duncan Taylor

Tim Taylor - Tim Allen
Jill Taylor - Patricia Richardson
Randy Taylor - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Brad Taylor - Zachery Ty Bryan
Mark Taylor - Taran Smith
Wilson - Earl Hindman
Al Borland - Richard Karn
Heidi - Debbe Dunning
Guest Cast
Courtney Peldon - Lauren
Ashley Peldon - Diane
Veronica Lauren - Jenny
Episode begins at Tool Time. The camera is facing the audience and Heidi comes up from behind the stand. By the back shot, the set is set up like a kitchen.
Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: "Tool Time!"
Heidi: That's right. Welcome to a brand- new season. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Toolman" Taylor! Whoo-hoo. [The audience cheers. The "Tool Time" theme and the doors open and Tim and Al walk out to the set]
Tim: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Heidi. Welcome to a brand new season. I think, therefore I am Tim "The Toolman" Taylor. Of course, you all know my assistant [Al salutes], He eats, therefore he is Al Borland.
Al: Well, we have a sizzling hot show for you today, so let's get cooking. It's Barbecue Week here on "Tool Time" [Points to a sign which it has smoke coming out of both ends and fanfare plays] Well, barbecue goes back to primitive time when cavemen rubbed [Al walks in front of a table where Heidi is rubbing two sticks together] two stick together to cook their carcass du jour.
Tim: Nothing like an all you-can-eat Brontosaurus buffet. But stay clear of that pudding. Plonko!
Al: Well, now a days you can cook your meat on this [walks in front of a table where Heidi is holding up a small grill] 3 dollars portable unit, or cook like a king with this $35,000 [Walks over to the part of the set where it's a kitchen] gas-cooking unit.
Tim: [Camera gets a shot of each on] Built in dishwasher, disposal, CD player, and a pinch [Tim flips some buttons] an automatic Hibachi cook. [A man pops his head up from an area above the dishwasher rubbing two knives together. Tim and Al walk over to the workbench that has charcoal bags on it] But for the purist there's nothing like charcoal.
Al: They think the true measure of a man is to see how fast he can light his coals.
Tim: Oh, yeah. Of course, a woman thinks it's how long a man can keep his coals lit.
Al: Well, there's a gentleman in Indiana who used liquid oxygen, got his charcoal ready in 3 seconds.
Tim: Yeah, but there's a very handsome guy right here in Detroit that says he can beat that record.
[Tim and Al walk off the set]
Cut to outside.
[The camera pulls back on the "Tool Time" sign to reveal Heidi, Al, and Tim in silver suits. Tim is wearing a fire fighter's hat. They walk up to a red grill]
Al: Well, you may be wondering how Tim's going to beat that 3-second record.
Tim: Well, I'm not wondering. I got a hold of some of my buddies down at NASA. They gave me their secret. Rocket fuel! [Bends down to pick up a silver container of fuel] Ah, rocket fuel's made with lox, [Heidi takes the top of the container off.] and this don't go on no bagel, baby. This is liquid oxygen with a skosh of hydrogen and for fun, a little soupcon of cilantro for flavoring. [Pours a little of the fuel in the grill]
Al: We're trained professionals. Please, don't try this at home. [Tim puts the top back on and hands the container to Heidi]
Tim: Ah, there you go. Heidi, my fire-starting devise, please.
Heidi: [Handing Tim a lit stick] Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Very high-tech. It's a stick.
[Tim lights the grill and Al stops his stopwatch]
Al: 2.6 seconds! A new world record!
Heidi: [Cheers then starts backing away.] Tim, its a little out of control.
Tim: Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't panic.
Al: Tim, keep away, keep away. Stay away from the barbecue.
[Tim puts the lid on the grill and turns to face Al and Heidi]
Tim: It's okay. All right. It's fine. It s done.
[The grill starts firing up. Tim turns around eyes- widen and the barbecue fires off like a rocket. Tim, Heidi, and Al watch it fly off into the sky]
[Opening Credits]
Fade into the Taylor's living room.
[Randy is on the couch and Mark is at the kitchen table. They are watching "Tool Time" on TV]
Tim: [On TV] Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't panic. [Rocket engine whining] ["Tool Time" theme plays]
[Jill comes downstairs with boxes and her suitcase]
Jill: O.K., I'm all packed. [To Randy] How was the "Tool Time"?
Randy: Amazing. I mean, Dad just launched a barbecue into space.
Mark: [Putting his CDs away] Dad has been acting weird lately, even for him.
Jill: [Putting boxes into a another box] You're telling me. He woke me up in the middle of the night last night to talk about existentalism vis-à-vis "Tool Time"?
Randy: Dad actually use the term "vis-à-vis?"
Jill: [Getting more boxes] Oh, yeah. Then he had this great revelation coming out of the bathroom, "If a man flushes the toilet and no one's around to notice it, did it really flush?"
Mark: Boy, does he need this vacation.
Randy: [Walking over to the dinning room table] Yeah, I wish we were going up there tonight. Lauren and her family are already up at the lake.
Jill: Did you talk to her?
Randy: Yeah. She said the weather's nice, the water's perfect, the only thing missing is "moi." [To Mark] That's French for "me."
Mark: What's French for "barf"?
Jill: Mark, did you remember to pack your bathing suit?
Mark: Yeah, let me check. [Opens his suitcase and picks up some black clothes]
Jill: What is the deal with you wearing nothing but black clothes lately?
Mark: I like black.
Randy: He's trying to create an image for himself. You know, bleak and desperate. It's working.
Jill: Boys, go upstairs and get your suitcases. I want to pack the car tonight so we don't have to do it in the morning.
[Mark and Randy go upstairs]
[Tim enters with a big plastic bag]
Tim: [Exhales] Hi.
Jill: [Packing] Hi.
Tim: What a great day, huh? Did some soul searching? [Hangs up his jacket] Got a brand-new [holds up the bag] power soaker. And my barbecue grill was spotted over Roswell, New Mexico. Life is good.
[Brad enters through the garden door and then slams it]
Brad: Life sucks.
Jill: What's wrong?
Brad: Angela broke up with me.
Tim: I thought she was crazy about you.
Brad: Yeah she was. Now she's crazy about some guy with a [Sits down] brand new firebird.
Jill: Oh, Brad.
Tim: What a V-8?
Brad: Mom, I can't go on this trip. I'm too bummed out.
Tim: Come on, Son. It will do no good to sit around here and mope.
Jill: Well, your dad's right.
Tim: Come up to the lake and mope. You'll have no time to mope. [Randy and Mark enter with their suitcases] None of you guys will, cuz I have a great big surprise for all of you when we get up there. Guess what it is.
Brad: Seeing Angela up there is the only surprise that will make me happy.
Tim: O.K., hint number one: This surprise won't make Brad happy.
Cut to the Taylor's car driving down a street.
Tim: Come on, guess what the surprise is. Anybody?
Jill: Then once we get there, you'll start acting like a sane person.
Tim: Way off. Guess again.
Cut to the car driving up to a cabin.
Randy: We spent the last 4 hours guessing.
Tim: And you're still not even close. [Singing] Nanner, nanner, nanner.
[They get out of the car]
Tim: Ohh.
Jill: All right.
Tim: Ohh. [Stretches then go towards the back of the car]
Jill: Now, Tim, just think about this for a second, if we guess the surprise we will depriving you the thrill of surprising us. And you'll be depriving us the joy of experiencing your surprise.
Tim: Profound. But not profound enough, vis-à-vis the quid pro-quo.
Jill & Boys: Quid pro-quo?
[Tim give Mark his book bag]
Cut to inside their cabin.
[The door is kicked open]
Jill: [Carrying a cooler. Exhales] Oh, look, its beautiful. It's exactly the same.
Tim: [Taking his suitcase into his room] Well, not exactly. They fixed the plumbing. So you can turn on the faucet it doesn't sound like mating whales.
Randy: I'm going over to see Lauren. [Puts his bags down]
Jill: Oh, no, no, no, no. I want you all unpacked before anyone goes anywhere.
Tim: And no one's going to fight over the good bed.
Brad: What does it matter? I'm going to cry into my pillow no matter where I sleep.
Tim: [Pats Brad on the back] That's the spirit.
Cut to a little later.
[The boys are arguing in the back room]
Tim: [Entering from his room] HEY BOYS! BOYS! [They stop arguing] Just put the spring back in the mattress put some duck tape over it, all right. Any more lip, you're just going to have to wait longer for that surprise. [To Jill] Hey, you relaxed? Boy am I relaxed.
Jill: [Mumbles] You know I'm a wreck. My oldest son is heartbroken and my youngest son is dressing like Johnny Cash.
Tim: They're teenagers, honey. They're doing the same stuff we used to do.
Jill: No, no, no. It is much harder to be a teenager now a days. Things are much faster. It's more competive. Peer pressure is much more intense.
Tim: Jill. Jill. We're on vacation. And more importantly, [A glad tone] I'm on vacation. [Knock on the door]
Lauren: [Coming in] Hello.
Jill: Oh. Hi Lauren.
Lauren: Is Randy around?
Tim: Randy? Oh, for the love of mike. [Hits the wall with his hand] I knew we forgot something.
[Randy enters]
Randy: Hey.
Lauren: Hi.
Randy: I missed you.
Lauren: [Hugging Randy] I missed you, too. I came over by boat with my friend and my little sister. Do you want to go for a ride?
Randy: Sure.
Tim: Whoooooa! Friend. [Jill tosses him a package of paper towels] Sister. You know we have extra boys around.
Jill: [Walking by] I don't think Brad and Mark are going to be in the mood for that.
Tim: Really. [To Brad and Mark in the back room] BRAD. MARK. There's girls down at the lake that want to meet ya.
[They come running out]
Brad: All right! Hey, Lauren! How you doing?
[They race out the door]
Lauren: Hi Brad and Mark.
Cut to the lake.
[Mark, Diane, Randy, Lauren, Brad and Jenny are sitting in a boat]
Lauren: [To Randy] I love being with you on the lake.
Randy: [To Lauren] I love being with you anywhere.
[Mark sticks his finger in this throat. Diane laughs]
Diane: You'll really different from your brothers. You're so...
Mark: Dark?
Diane: Yeah. I like dark.
Randy: How do you feel about about dork?
Brad: [To Jenny] You know, Jenny. I'm not just interested in looks. A girl's gotta have a personality. That's why Angela was so perfect.
Jenny: That's nice to here. Again.
Brad: I'm sorry. I'll stop talking about her. You know, I don't know what's so great about Angela anyway.
Jenny: As I recall, she was a blonde goddess who cleaned your room and worshipped the ground you walked on.
Brad: You're right. She was awesome.
Cut to a speedboat going fast in the water.
[Jill is driving and Tim is just sitting there]
Jill: NOPE.
Jill: NOPE.
Jill: YEP.
Cut back to the kids.
[Randy and Lauren, Mark and Diane, with Brad and Jenny. They are still in the boat]
Lauren: This is so beautiful.
Randy: Yeah. I just can't wait until we get to be alone.
Brad: Alone? I guess when it comes down to it all of us are alone.
Mark: Will you shut up? [Diane hits him in his arm]
Cut back to a fast speedboat.
[Tim is now in the drivers' seat. They are near the kids]
Jill: [Yelling at Tim] SLOW DOWN!
Tim: WHAT?
[Brad notices the speedboat]
Brad: Look out! [They slowly stand up]
[Tim comes close enough to the boat the water makes it tip over. Dumping everyone into the water]
Lauren: Oww!
Tim: [Back to the kids in the water] THAT WASN'T THE SURPRISE.
Cut to outside the cabin.
[Tim is un-foiling apiece of meat to put on the grill. Brad and Randy come out with bowls and sit them on the table]
Brad: [Referring to the piece of meat Tim un-foiled] Wow! That's a big piece of meat.
Randy: Good thing they redid the plumbing. [Tim gives him a look]
Tim: How come your girls didn't join us for dinner, fellas?
Randy: Oh, probably because they're still picking kelp out of their ears.
Brad: Jenny hated me. [Puts a piece of food in his mouth]. You think I talked about Angela too much? [Mark comes out]
Randy: Brad, you did 20 minutes on how nice her teeth were.
Brad: I loved to watch her chew.
Mark: Will you shut up?
Tim: Guys, come on. Let's not fight. [Jill comes out] We're in a place we all love and it's almost time for that surprise.
Jill: Oh, thank god. I'm so sick of the surprise. I don't care what it is, I don't care what it costs, and I just want it to be over.
Tim: [About to strike a match] Well, it will be. As soon as we have dinner, all I have to do is light these coals.
Jill & Boys: No. [They run inside]
Cut to Tim leading Jill and the boys to another cabin.
[Jill followed by Brad, Randy, and Mark have their eyes covered and they are attached to the person's shirt in front of them]
Tim: No, peeking. Follow me. Watch your step. Almost there.
Cut to inside the cabin.
[There is broken stuff all over the place. Cobwebs everywhere]
Tim: O.K. Uncover your eyes. [They do and looked stunned]
Jill: This is the big surprise?
Brad: This is the old lodge.
Tim: That's right. Haven't used it in about 10 years.
Jill: Well, you can tell. There are broken windows, cobwebs everywhere, and a moose with one antler.
Tim: I know it doesn't look like much. But it will after we fix it up.
Jill: We?
Tim: [A big smile on his face] We're going to buy this place.
Jill: We're going to what?
Tim: We're going to buy this place, sell our house, say good-bye to Detroit, and move up here. [Big smile and big arms] SURPRISE!
[Commercial Break]
Cut to where we left off.
[Tim, Jill and the boys are standing around the dirty, dusty cabin]
Mark: [Steps forward] Are we really gonna move up here?
Tim: Yeah. Redo the lodge [Randy walks forward a few steps], fix up the cabins. By this time next year, we'll be living up here. It will be a whole new start for all of us.
Randy: Dad, I'm 15 years old. I haven't even finished up my old start.
Jill: Tim, you can't be serious!
Tim: Why not? Everyone in this family has told me how much they'd wanted to live up here some day.
Randy: Yeah, when we're 80.
Tim: 80's just around the corner, little man.
Brad: [Arms-crossed] What's the difference where we live? I carry my emotional baggage with me.
Jill: Boys, um [stumbles on your words] I think--, would you just leave us alone for a minute. I need to talk to your dad.
Randy: Talk may not do the trick. [Looks back at Tim] Go with electroshock. [The boys leave]
Tim: [Crossing over to Jill] All right, honey, I know what you're thinking. This will be rough on the boys but you and I can get them over the hump.
Jill: Honey. Did it ever occur to you that we have this little thing back in Detroit called a life.
Tim: Yeah, that's moving too fast. You said it. The, the boys are way to competitive. Too much peer pressure.
Jill: But, I don't want to leave it all behind. What about my psychology degree? I'm suppose to get my masters this year.
Tim: That's why we don't move till next year. [Gives a little hit on her shoulder then walks away from her] I've done all the leg- work honey. There's plenty nut cases up here you could shrink. [Jill is annoyed] Louie at the Bait Shop. [Does a little wave with his hand] Flonko!
Jill: [Crosses her arms.] What about "Tool Time"?
Tim: [Puts his hands in his pockets.] It's time for a change. It will be the best year ever. And I'll just hand my tool belt down to Al. Have to add a few more notches.
Jill: [Shaking her head] This, this whole plan is insane.[Crosses over to in-front of the door]
Tim: Well--
Jill: I don't want to be up rooted from my home and everything we've worked so hard for.
Tim: [Scratches his head] Are you saying you don't like this idea?
Jill: I hate this idea. Oh, come on, Tim. You didn't consult any of us. You didn't consider our feelings.
Tim: That's the surprise.
Jill: The surprise will be the day you do.
Tim: I was just trying to do something for my family, and apparently you don't appreciate it.
Jill: Any normal person would see why I don't.
Tim: [Yelling] Well, maybe I'm not normal.
Jill: Maybe?
Tim: I'm going for a walk.
[An over-head shot shows Tim leaving and Jill just standing there leaning against a table]
Fade into Jill walking down a beach.
[A couple walks by her. She comes up on a nice, big sand castle]
Jill: Whoa! What a beautiful sand castle.
[Wilson's head pops up from behind the sand castle]
Wilson: Well, thank you, my beach-combing neighborette.
Jill: Wilson, [puts her hands on his shoulders], what are you doing here?
Wilson: I got a call late last night that Cabin number 4 had opened up. Apparently, Reverend Hicks checked out in a huff. Something about a full moon.
Jill: Tim. [She crosses over to the other side of the sand castle]
Wilson: [Laughs] Oh. So where is your splendiferous spouse?
Jill: [Taking her sunglasses off] I don't know where he is. Lately, I don't know who he is. Yesterday, when we go up here, he announced he wants us all to move here.
Wilson: Now that you mention it [Jill bends down and starts clearing away sand from the castle tower] he has been acting a bit odd lately. He told me the other day he was considering becoming a part time physicist.
Jill: Tim?
Wilson: Mm-hmm. He said he wants to contemplate the origin of the universe Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Friday.
Jill: What's the deal with him? He's all over the place lately.
Wilson: Oh, yeah. Well, you know, Tim reminds me of the poet, Lord Byron?
Jill: Byron?
Wilson: Mm-hmm.
Jill: The only poem Tim knows starts with "Hickory Dickory Dock."
Wilson: [Laughs] No, no, no Jill see. Byron noted that men of Tim's life experience suddenly go through difficult times and they respond in strange ways. Byron said,"Of all barbarous Middle Ages, that which is most barbarous is the middle age of man."
Jill: So you're saying that Tim's having a mid-life crisis?
Wilson: Well, I'm not sure about that. I do know he's at an age where he has to come to, uh, grips with his own mortality.
Jill: I don't know, Wilson. It's not like Tim's wearing gold chains [throws arms up] and has a blonde on each arm. [Wilson laughs] Yet.
Wilson: Well, the truth is that every man struggles with middle age in his own unique way. [The sound of a speedboat is nearby]
Cut to Tim in the speedboat.
Cut back to behind Jill and Wilson.
[The speedboat flies by]
Tim: [On the speed boat] YAHOO! THIS THING IS GREAT!
[Jill and Wilson look at each other in amazement]
Fade into Lauren and Randy kissing on a boat.
[They stop after a few seconds]
Lauren: That was nice.
Randy: Yeah, it was.
[Mark and Diane's heads pop up from behind the boat. They're in the water]
Mark: I'm a little ched up, myself.
Diane: Me, too.
[Lauren and Randy looked annoyed then they start splashing water at Mark and Diane]
Cut back to Jill working on the sand castle.
[Brad comes out and crosses his arms]
Jill: Hi.
Brad: Whoa. Cool castle.
Jill: Yeah. Well, I'm just [Brad takes his sunglasses off] killin' time. I've been waiting for fours for your father to come out of the water.
Brad: Yep. We always wait for the ones we love.
Jill: Brad, you're still young. You'll meet other girls.
Brad: I know, but how will any of these other girls measure up to Angela?
Jill: Honey, I know this sounds trite but it does happen to everybody. You'll gonna find your true love just like I did.
Tim: [Coming up the beach with a bucket] I'm back and I've got crabs.
Brad: If that's true love, I'm better off alone. [He leaves]
[Tim tilts the bucket towards Jill]
Tim: Now that I look at them, I think they're actually crawdads.
Jill: I don't care what they are just get them away from me.
Tim: [Crosses over to the other side of the sand castle] Oh, I messed up again? [Is about to leave]
Jill: Tim, wait, hold on. I wanta say something to you.
Tim: [Walks back over to Jill] O.K., go ahead. Give it to me.
Jill: Um, you know your whole dream about moving here?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: I shouldn't have dismissed it out of hand.
Tim: [Puts the bucket down] So you don't think it's such a [Takes his sunglasses off] bad idea?
Jill: Yeah, I do.
Tim: Uh.
Jill: But you don't. And, and I should respect that. I mean, you obviously wanta make some pretty big changes in your life.
Tim: You, know I feel like wiping the slate clean and starting over.
Jill: Does it have anything to do with us? [Looks down]
Tim: No, come on, no. Not at all. I just need new challenges.
Jill: There's nothing wrong with new challenges, do you have to trash everything else that's working? [Tim clears some sand from the tower Jill was working on before but she moved his hand before he breaks it]
Tim: I just, I just, I just know that there's, uh, [Jill fixes what Tim did] there's a lot of things I wanta do. And if I don't start doing them now, I'll never get them done.
Jill: You know, Tim, sometimes when a guy gets to be your age, he goes through this, um, I don't know, uh, mid-life crisis.
Tim: [Puts his hand up] Stop. I am not going through a mid-life crisis. If I was I'd be driving a Porsche with a blonde named Christy. Which doesn't sound like a half bad idea. [Puts his sunglasses back on]
Jill: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you don't have to be dating Christy to go through with this. There are other symptoms.
Tim: Like what?
Jill: Like, wanting to give up "Tool Time" to become a physicist.
Tim: That's only part time. Really, uh, you see how the boys are growing. You got a new job. I'm just left in the dust, using foreign phrases, ad nauseam.
Jill: So, you feel like everyone is moving forward and you're just standing still?
Tim: Maybe.
Jill: Like life is meaningless or with hope.
Tim: Well not meaningless.
Jill: Or a shell of the man you once were.
Tim: I'm not a shell.
Jill: Full of desperation.
Tim: I'm not full of desperation. Honey? [She stops] I get the point. It's not quite that bad.
Jill: O.K.
Tim: I'm going through a tough time and I'll figure out a way to deal with this.
Jill: Can you deal with this without buying a lodge?
Tim: I'll try, but I want to leave that option open.
Jill: O.K. And you know, [Puts the spoon down and walks over to Tim] it's not like [Tim messes with the sand castle again.] you re going to have to go through it alone. I'll be there with you.
Tim: Yeah?
Jill: Yeah. [She pulls his hand back. They walk forward] I want you around when I start going through those hot flashes. [Tim groans.] Hope you'll be sensitive.
Tim: I'll try. I'll try not to burst out laughing when you wake up with a goatee.
Jill: I appreciate that.
Tim: I love you. [Kisses her] Ohh!
Jill: What? [Feels her chin]
Tim: Did you shave this morning?
Jill: Ohh!
[She hits him and he runs away. She follows]
Cut to Tim and Jill sitting on the beach facing the water.
[Tim tosses a rock into the water]
Jill: It is so beautiful here. It would be nice to live here someday.
Tim: [Taking his sunglasses off.] Lou at the Bait Shop is counting on you.
Jill: [Laughing] Did you really go around looking for crazy people?
Tim: I don't have to. They find me.
Jill: Well, we should go back and start dinner.
Tim: O.K. [Gets up] Ohh. [Helps Jill up]
Jill: Ohh. Something smells so good. [Both walk off] Someone's barbecuing.
[There is a high whistle sound followed by an object following from the sky into the water. A closer shot reveals it is the red "Tool Time" grill from the beginning of this episode]
Heidi: [Coming up from behind the audience.] Does every [her tool belt falls off and everyone laughs. She picks it up and then Shawn Shea comes up and she points to a spot in the audience]
Cut to Randy and Lauren kissing on the boat.
Director's voice: Can I....
Randy: Are you guys ever going to come up? Good lord. [Everyone laughs]
Cut to inside the cabin.
[Jill is putting stuff away in the cabinet. Tim comes out from around the corner]
Tim: [Yelling.] Boys! Boys! Boys! Shove, a, that spring back in the mattress. Put some duck tape over it. [Walks back over to the door way leading to his room faces the audience] What?

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