Images of the Cast of Home Improvement with the Home Improvement Archive title

Believe It or Not

Episode No# 173
Written by:
Jon Vandergriff
Directed by:
Geoffrey Nelsom
Transcript by:
Duncan Taylor

Tim Taylor - Tim Allen
Jill Taylor - Patricia Richardson
Randy Taylor - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Brad Taylor - Zachery Ty Bryan
Mark Taylor - Taran Smith
Wilson - Earl Hindman
Al Borland - Richard Karn
Heidi - Debbe Dunning
Guest Cast
Grant Hill - Himself
Marty - William O'Leary
Benny - Jim Labriola
Tony - Bill Ferrell
Milton - Milton Canady
Episode begins at the "Tool Time" studio. Heidi is standing in front of the set doors. There is a banner above the doors which reads "Men's Convenience Week".
Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: "Tool Time!"
Heidi: That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present [Heidi pushes the doors open] Tim "The Toolman" Taylor! Whoo-hoo! [The audience cheers. Tim & Al slide in sitting in two armchairs. They are wearing pyjamas and dressing gowns]
Tim: Thank you. Thank you everybody. [Heidi wheels in a TV and positions it behind Tim & Al] Welcome to "Tool Time." I am Tim "The Toolman" Taylor and you all know my assistant Hugh Hefty. [Al salutes]
Al: All week long we've been showing you things that make men's lives, ah, [Al pushes his chair back into a recline] easier.
Tim: Yesterday was Wives with Laryngitis! [Tim laughs. Al doesn't] But today is our "Tool Time" salute... [Tim presses a button on the remote control he's holding and the TV switches on. It shows Tim & Al standing in front of the set doors]
Tim & Al: [On the TV] ... to remote control.
Al: [On the TV] The first television was connected to the TV with a wire. It was invented in 1950.
Tim: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Al, my dad had a wireless remote control, it was voice activated, in 1950.
Al: [On the TV} Tim, that's impossible.
Tim: No it's not; it was called Mom.
Al: Ladies write to: [Al holds up the address card] Tim Taylor, care of "Tool Time," P.O. Box 327... [Al puts the card away]
Tim: A lot of popular toys these days are remote control: [Tim picks up and large remote] cars, boats, planes, [Al switches his chair back into the normal position] even submarines. But here's my favorite one, right here. [Tim & Al stand up. A metallic balloon floats above the audience]
Al: Well, what would that be?
Tim: Well, the company calls it a flying saucer. It looks more like a blimp to me. [The balloon floats towards Tim & Al]
Al: I can't believe you'd be interested in this. It's quiet, it's simple, it's slow.
Tim: Just like you, Al. I've installed a little spy camera on it. Watch this: [Tim presses a button on the remote and the picture from the spy camera appears on the TV. Tim & Al turn to look at it. The balloon passes over some of the crew, who are sitting around, smoking] Hey, what d'you think this is? The teacher's lounge? Put out that butt! [The crew member flicks the butt away. The butt hits the balloon, and it goes up in flames] Oh, the humanity!
Al: [Al switches off the TV] Can we get back to the show now?
Tim: Hm, wouldn't want ot muddy up the show with a little entertainment, would we? [Tim & Al go over to the bench. Tim puts down the remote] O.K., now we get to the ultimate in remote control. [Some crew members clear the TV and armchairs off the set]
Al: And what would that be?
Tim: It's called virtual reality.
Al: Hm-hmm.
Tim: You become the remote control. You become part of the action.
Al: What kind of action?
Tim: You name it: car racing, football. How about basketball? How would you like to go one-on-one with Grant Hill?
Al: Ah, that would be great!
Tim: Well, just slip these on. [Tim takes a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket] These are virtual reality optical sensing devices. [Tim hands the glasses to Al. A basketball ring descends behind them]
Al: Oh, the circuitry must be incredibly small. They look like regular sunglasses! [Al puts the glasses on. Tim shakes his head]
Tim: [Tim picks up a glove] Now slip your hand into this. This is a, er, tactile sensory device.
Al: [Al examines the glove] Well, this looks just like the work glove that disappeared out of my locker! [Al puts the glove on. Tim takes a camera out from under the bench]
Tim: Alright, now when I turn on the machine, there may be a bright light so watch out.
Al: Alright. [Tim activates the camera's flash in front of Al's eyes] Oh! [Heidi and Grant Hill enter the set]
Tim: Now turn around.
Al: Oh my gosh! It's Grant Hill! [Heidi is carrying a ball] Hey, ha-ha. It's like, it's like he's right here! I can almost touch him! [Al reaches out towards Grant]
Grant: [Grant takes the ball from Heidi] Come on real man. Show me what you've got. [Grant throws the ball to Al who catches it]
Al: It's... [Al starts bouncing the ball] Wow, you really have to dribble it. Yeah. [Al starts dribbling the ball around] Alright, I'll just give him my patented jump shot. [Al jumps up to throw the ball into the basket. Grant reaches up and takes the ball from Al]
Grant: I guess flannel men can't jump. [Grant throws the ball back to Al who continues dribbling it]
Al: Oh man. Well, I don't have to jump. I can just flow by, you're a virtual reality. Ha-ha, ha ha ha. I can just flow right by. [Al tries to pass through Grant, and falls over backwards] Wow, that hurts.
Tim: Well, it didn't, er, really hurt, didn't it? It was just virtual pain.
[Opening Credits]
Cut to the backyard.
[Tim pops his head up over the fence. The spy camera balloon floats up. Tim ducks back down again. The balloon floats over towards Wilson. Wilson looks up and sees it]
Wilson: Aaah! Ohh!
Tim: Did I scare you Wilson?
Wilson: Well not you. It's that flying baked potato. [Wilson comes over to the fence. Tim is playing with the remote control]
Tim: Well, the manufacturer says it looks like an alien spaceship.
Wilson: Hm.
Tim: I think it looks like a bif jiffy pop container. [Wilson laughs]
Wilson: You know, I tend to agree with you. A real spaceship would have some form of internal propulsion.
Tim: Right. And should look more like a saucer.
Wilson: Yeah, yeah. Kind of an iridescent glow.
Tim: And have a low hum to it.
Wilson: Yeah, yeah, and twenty-six little diamond shaped windows all in a row.
Tim: What flying saucer are you talking about? The one on a Forbidden Plant or The Day The Earth Stood Still?
Wilson: Oh, I wasn't talking about a movie.
Tim: What were you talking about?
Wilson: Oh nothing. Oh look at the rain. [Wilson points towards the sky] Looks like it's gonna rain.
Tim: Wait a minute, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Were you talking about, er, a real UFO?
Wilson: Maybe.
Tim: Er b- have you seen a real UFO?
Wilson: Maybe.
Tim: [Tim looks around] C'mom. It's just us out here.
Wilson: Maybe. Y'know Tim, I've never told anybody this but one night, when I was living with my parents outside the Turkish city of Kapadochy, I saw an alien craft land.
Tim: Did you see little green men come out of it?
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. These men were bluish-gray. Assuming they were men. I didn't see any sexually distinguishing features.
Tim: Well, you had just met!
Wilson: Oh, I tell you, it was an amazing thing. I'll never forget it.
Tim: Well, how did the night go? Some cocktails and a quick probe?
Wilson: Oh Tim. I never should have told you about this.
Tim: No, no, no, no. I, I'm sorry Wilson. I understand completely what happened. Have you been inside shellacking all day? If you don't get enough ventilation, it can really... [Tim points to his head] Y'know. I do that, I think I'm Aquaman!
Cut to the living room.
[Brad is sitting at the table, reading a catalogue. Randy enters and walks over to Brad]
Randy: What are those?
Brad: College catalogues. In case I don't get that soccer scolarship, I need to figure out a great place to go to college, y'know. [Randy picks up a catalogue from the table]
Randy: University of Hawaii, [Randy picks up some more catalgoues] Cancún College, Virgin Islands State. You going to college or on a cruise?
Brad: All these schools have great academic programs.
Randy: Oh, is that why you divided them into "beach schools" and "ski schools"? [Jill enters through the front door]
Jill: Hi guys.
Randy: Hi.
Brad: Hi Mom.
Jill: What are you looking at Brad? Are those school catalogues? [Jill comes over and puts her bag down on the kitchen counter]
Brad: Yeah, I think it's about time I get serious about college.
Jill: It's nice to see you getting motivated about continuing your education. Randy, you could use those same catalogues when you're looking at schools.
Randy: Or I could call my travel agent. [Tim enters from the backyard]
Tim: Still looking at these weird schools. Y'know, don't rule these schools out. Why don't you check into the Iwo Jima Community College? [Tim walks over to Jill in the kitchen] Had a very weird discussion with Wilson.
Jill: Why, what's new with him?
Tim: He claims he had an encounter with space aliens. He saw these blue-green creatures when he was staying with his folks in a Turkish town Cappuchino. [Randy walks over to the fridge to get himself a drink].
Jill: [Jill starts preparing dinner] Were they covered with foam and sprinkled with cinnamon?
Tim: I'm serious. He says he had an encounter with extra-terrestrials.
Randy: Or he dipped into the festival wine a bit early.
Jill: Well, I wouldn't dismiss him or quickly guys. I mean, there've been lots of documentation about people's encounters with aliens.
Tim: You think it's a real possibility?
Jill: Look, there's some really respected institutions that have entire departments devoted to paranormal studies.
Tim: Ooo yeah, the department of "Ooo-eee-ooo."
Randy: Y'know Mom, with all the money spent on research, they still don't have any proof alien life exists.
Jill: They don't have any proof it doesn't exist.
Tim: Well, I guess we know who are the sane members of this family. [Tim puts his arm around Randy's shoulders]
Randy: Don't lump me in with you.
Cut to Harry's Hardware store.
[Al is behind the counter. Marty & Benny are in the store. Tim enters]
Tim: Hey guys.
Al: Hey Timmy.
Marty: Hey.
Benny: Hey friend.
Tim: [Tim walks over to the counter] Er, Harry called me, said my saw blade is in. Where is he?
Al: Er, he's home with a nasty bug.
Tim: What, a parasite?
Benny: Close: Dolores.
Al: He's home with the 'flu. Was that for a reciprocating saw?
Tim: Yeah it was.
Al: I know where he put it. [Al goes into the store room. Tim goes over to Marty & Benny at the coffee machine]
Tim: Hand me a cup, will ya. [Marty hands Tim a cup] Er, do you guys think that alien life exists? [Benny pours Tim some coffee]
Benny: I hope so. That way I'd have a chance with another species.
Marty: Yeah. I can see it now. [Marty puts his arm around Benny's shoulers] You're gently holding her eight-fingered hand.
Tim: You stare into that one big eye.
Marty: And try to figure out which set of lips to kiss.
Benny: I know you're messing with me, but I'm still getting a little hot.
Tim: I'm talking about extra-terrestrials. [Al comes over to join them]
Benny: Why would a guy need more than two? [Tim & Marty burst out laughing]
Al: Here's your saw. [Al hands Tim the blade] What's so funny?
Tim: Wilson claims he saw an extra-terrestrial.
Marty: Where? His family reunion?
Tim: Extra-terrestrial, like an alien, spaceship. [Tim hovers his hand like a flying saucer and whistles eerily. Benny laughs, finally understanding. Wilson enters the store]
Wilson: Hi-ho fellas.
Tim, Al, Marty & Benny: Hey.
Marty: Hey Wilson.
Tim: Not a word. [The guys wander over to Wilson]
Wilson: Y'know Al, I need some one-half inch carriage bolts.
Al: They're right over here on aisle 21.
Wilson: Hmm.
Benny: Those carriage bolts be for you, or are you takin' them to your leader? [Benny & Marty laugh]
Wilson: My leader?
Marty: Yeah, you know, you. [Marty whistles as he raises two fingers above his head like antennae] Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Wilson: Tim, did you tell them? I thought this was just between the two of us.
Tim: Well, now it's just between the five of us. It will go no further than that.
Wilson: Did you tell Jill and the boys?
Tim: Alright, the nine of us.
Marty: We're sorry Wilson. We didn't mean to alienate you. [Marty & Benny laugh]
Tim: Marty, c'mon!
Wilson: Y'know, I didn't come to this hardware store to be ridiculed.
Benny: Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable at Larry's Hardware. Today's their going out of orbit sale. [Marty & Benny laugh]
Tim: Hey guys!
Wilson: Tim, thanks a lot. You have now made me the laughing stock of the neighborhood.
Tim: I only told nine people Wilson, honest. [Milton, the mailman, enters the store]
Milton: Here's your mail Al.
Al: Ah, thanks. [Milton gives Al his mail]
Marty: Hey Milton.
Milton: Hey guys. Oh Wilson.
Wilson: Hm-hmm?
Milton: Something for you too. A sweepstakes letter from Ed Mc-Martian! [Milton laughs and hands Wilson his letter. Milton leaves. Wilson stares at Tim, who looks away uncomfortably]
[Commercial break]
Cut to the backyard.
[Tim is playing with the spy camera balloon. He floats it over Wilson's yard]
Tim: Come on out Wilson, talk to me. Come on. I know you're in there. At least come out and wave at my little spy-cam, Wilson. [Wilson's door opens. An arrow is fired which punctures the balloon and pins it to the side of Tim's house]
Cut to the living room.
[Brad is watching TV]
Voice on TV: You'll enjoy surfing, kayaking and volleyball on our beautiful white sugar-sand beach. [Jill comes over to Brad]
Jill: Wow. That looks great. Where's this? The Leisure Channel?
Brad: No. It's a recruiting video from the University of Maui.
Jill: [Laughing incredulously] I don't think you're going to a college that's nicer than where I spent my honeymoon. Aren't you supposed to be studying?
Voice on TV: While you're overlooking the pristine Pacific, you can earn your PhD in marine biology, art history or psychology.
Jill: Hello! [Brad goes upstairs. Tim enters from the backyard carrying the remains of the balloon. Jill switches off the TV]
Tim: Well now ever time I try to talk to Wilson, he just shoots me down. [Tim shows Jill the balloon and arrow]
Jill: The reason Wilson's not talking to you [Tim dumps the balloon on a chair. He and Jill walk over to the table] is cuz you've really hurt his feelings.
Tim: Well, I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. It's just that alien stuff was just so crazy.
Jill: You see! That's the attitude that he's reacting to. Whenever you don't understand something [Jill sits down at the table to work on her laptop] instead of learning about it, you just make fun of it.
Tim: I do that even when I understand things.
Jill: Well, you're gonna have to learn how to pull back. Y'know, just cuz a thought enters your mind [Tim sits down at the table] doesn't mean it has to shoot right out of your mouth.
Tim: Well, if I could change things I would. Cuz all I've done now is alienate the one person who's opinion really matters to me. [Jill looks at Tim]
Jill: What about me?
Tim: What about you?
Jill: Look, if you want Wilson to know that you care about what's important to him, you're gonna have to make a gesture.
Tim: How about [Tim puts his hands together and begs] "please!"
Jill: No. [Laughs] It works for me but, I think we should do some research on stuff that Wilson's been talking about. That way you'll be well-informed and it will show that you take him seriously.
Tim: So I've got to prove that I can have an intelligent conversation about stuff that doesn't exist.
Jill: Right.
Tim: Government cover-ups. Secret bases in the desert that no-one seems to know what goes on there, yeah. And big crop circles, ooo, what's that all about? And, and big balloon-headed things that look like they ate too many almonds with the [Tim sticks his tongue out and flaps his hands] argh-argh-argh. And night time abductions and big bright lights and ships that scream in and, and, and always get people with no teeth... [Jill stares at Tim, and he stops]
Cut to the living room.
[Brad is sat on the counter reading a college catalogue. Mark comes over to him and looks at Brad's catalogue]
Mark: Wow. Look at that girl. Better hope Mom doesn't catch you looking at this magazine.
Brad: No, this is a college catalogue I got today. It's from Tahiti Tech.
Mark: Man, they let a student walk around campus like that?
Brad: She's the dean!
Cut to Randy's bedroom.
[Tim is using Randy's computer. Randy is sat next to him, helping]
Tim: O.K., what do we do?
Randy: Well, we're all booted up, so access the server, double click on the browser icon, and we'll be surfing the net.
Tim: O.K. Y'know, twenty years ago, no-one would have understood that sentence and today, it's just me. I, I start typing in the subject here, right?
Randy: Yeah. Try, er, UFO.
Tim: Good idea. [Tim types in the request] Probably a few websites, huh? [Tim & Randy stare at the search results]
Randy: There's a hundred-and-three thousand websites.
Tim: I guess Wilson's not the only one seeing things.
Randy: Ah, there's a lot of nutcases out there. See what they're saying in the chat room. [Tim types in some more commands]
Tim: [Laughs] A UFO chat room. I bet it's padded.
Cut to Randy's bedroom, a little later.
[Tim is still searching the web. Randy is lying on his bed, reading]
Tim: This is unbelievable. People all over the world have documented sightings just like Wilson's.
Randy: C'mon Dad, don't tell me you're starting to take this stuff seriously?
Tim: Hmm. It's not easy to ignore, y'know. There's even government documents that show strange phenomenon you just can't refute.
Randy: No Dad, c'mon. Crops circles, Roswell cover-up, and y'know Elvis is alive and running a laundry mat in Cleveland!
Tim: [Reading from the computer screen] Uh-uh, it's a doughnut shop in Dayton.
Randy: Y'know, I'm surprised at you. How can a sane, rational - er, never mind.
Tim: I'm telling you Randy, there's strange things out that we just can't explain. [There is a rumbling noise. Tim looks around] Like what was that?
Randy: It's Mark going to the bathroom. He goes the same time every night.
Tim: O.K., O.K., that explains the noise. But can you explain why a bladder that young is on such a rigid schedule?
Cut to Randy's bedroom, that night.
[Randy is asleep in bed. Tim is asleep sitting in the desk chair, snoring]
Fade to Tim's dream.
[The spy balloon floats across the sky. A hand points at it. Wilson appears]
Wilson: I saw an alien craft... [Echo]
[Wilson fades out. Randy fades in]
Randy: There's no proof aliens exist... [Echo]
[Randy fades out. Jill fades in]
Jill: Entire departments devoted to paranormal studies... [Echo]
[Jill fades out. Wilson fades in again]
Wilson: The aliens were bluish-gray... [Echo] Anyone for Cappachino?... [Echo]
[Wilson fades out. Tim appears, sat at a desk covered in files. Tim is wearing a suit and tie and trench coat. The placard on the desk reads "ABC TAYLOR". Tim puts a file down on the desk and taps his fingers]
Tim: I've found the file, Jilly.
[Jill appears, wearing a trench coat]
Jill: What have you come up with Taylor? [Jill walks over to Tim at the desk]
Tim: According to my underground sources, this is the triangulated center of all alien activity [Tin turns to look up at Jill] in the western hemisphere.
Jill: Easily explained by swamp gas, weather balloons, mass delusional hysteria? [Tim stands up]
Tim: Why do you respond to everything I say with scientific mumbo jumbo?
Jill: Because everything you say is pie-in-the-sky paranormal saucer-head idiocy.
Tim: [Looking at the camera] The truth is out there.
Jill: No. You're the one that's out there.
[Fade to a dark room (the basement). Tim & Jill descend the stairs, carrying flashlights. Tim bangs his head on the pipe]
Tim: Ohhh. [They reach the bottom of the stairs] Hold up Jilly. I can't explain it but I sense the presence of an alien.
Jill: Taylor, have you noticed these aliens seem to eschew well-lit ventilated housing?
Tim: You what?
Jill: Eschew, eschew. [Tim shines his flashlight at Jill]
Tim: Gesundheit. [They venture into the room] Look, right there, right there. [Tim shines his flashlight at what he's refering to]
Jill: What is it?
Tim: It's the alien we've been looking for all our lives.
Jill: How can you be sure it's not human?
Tim: It's too small. [Tim reaches over to uncover the alien] And notice the delicate, hairless features. [Tim shines his flashlight on the alien's head and chest - which turns out to be Randy's head and chest]
Jill: Oh my god! [Randy's face turns green and his eyes open, revealing cat's eyes]
Cut to Randy's bedroom.
[Tim wakes up with a shout]
Tim: Ahhhhh! [His shouting wakes up Randy, who is startled]
Randy: Ahhhhh!
Tim: Ahhhhh! [Tim turns to look at Randy] Put a shirt on! [Tim goes upstairs]
Cut to the "Tool Time" studio.
[Tim is standing in front of a mock-up roof. Al & Tony are standing on the roof, secured by ropes. The banner behind them reads "Harnessing Your Power"]
Tim: Hi, and welcome back to "Tool Time." [Al salutes] We're here with professional roofer Tony Bruscheta. [Tony waves] He's talking about harnessing and safety.
Al: Tony's gonna show us two different systems which allow you to anchor yourself [Al pulls against his harness] to the roof.
Tim: There's actually a third system which allows Al's mom to anchor herself to a frost-free refrigedair. [Al tries to grab Tim but is held back by his harness]
Al: Well, Tony's family's been in the business for sixty-five years. You must have logged at lot of hours on the roof. Does it ever get lonely at the top? [Al laughs at his joke]
Tony: Well, y'know, I, I can't complain. I mean, I've got a roof over my head.
Al: Ah-ha.
Tony: No wait, it's under my feet! [Al & Tony laugh]
Tim: [Tim looks at his watch] It's a thirty minute show, fellas. I'll do the jokes. Actually, he has spent a lot of time up on the roof. Have you ever noticed anything odd in the sky, unusual sights, or anything?
Al: Er Tim, not with the aliens again.
Tim: No, I'm talking about UFO, spaceships, that kind of stuff.
Al: I think audience wants to talk about roofs, not about people from outer space.
Tim: You're awfully defensive about this Al.
Al: There are no aliens.
Tim: How do you know?
Tony: Hey, maybe he's hiding something.
Tim: Yeah, maybe he's hiding the fact that he's an alien.
Al: I am not now, nor have I ever been an alien.
Tim: Oh yeah? What are the first two letters of alien spell, Al? [Al doesn't have an answer to this] And your mother's quite large. Perhaps she's the mothership! [Al tries th grab Tim, but Tim moves out of Al's reach]
Cut to the backyard, that evening.
[Wilson walks past the fence, carrying a plant. Tim comes over]
Tim: What have you got there Wilson? Some rare Amazonian plant you crossbred with, like, a, a north African variety?
Wilson: [Wilson puts the plant down] They're petunias. Good day Tim.
Tim: Wait a minute Wilson. I-I-I was wondering that, maybe that spaceship you saw was the same kind that they, the army, er, found in, er, Roswell.
Wilson: What do you know of Roswell?
Tim: Well I know that a lot of people think that, er, a, a flying saucer crash landed there. I also know about, er, Sheffield, England, 1962, there was a spectacular sighting there. And in Mexico City, nineteen-eighty--
Wilson: --eighty-three.
Tim: Yeah.
Wilson: Y'know Tim, with the difficult time you gave down at the hardware store, I'm kind of surprised you've taken such an interest in unexplained phenomena.
Tim: Well I, I figured if a real intelligent guy like you was interested in this stuff, maybe I should learn more about it. So I went on the internet and I found out there's, there's a lot of people that have had experiences just like yours.
Wilson: Hm.
Tim: And not just people with a shellac dependency.
Wilson: Well, that's true.
Tim: I, I shouldn't have made fun of your beliefs even though they sounded kind of crazy to me.
Wilson: Oh Tim, I appreciate you saying that. Maybe you could relay that to some of the guys down at the hardware store.
Tim: I'll do that. I'll tell, tell all the guys down there and, and the mailman and [Tim coughs] the guy at the gas company.
Wilson: So Tim, with all your new found knowledge, are you a believer?
Tim: I wouldn't say that. I, I, I'm just open to more possibilities now.
Wilson: Ohh.
Tim: And I'm having some really strange dreams.
Wilson: Ohh, about government conspiracies, FBI agents in trench coats, that you are out there?
Tim: You know about my dream? Are we having some sort of mind-melding kum-biotic experience? [Wilson shakes his head]
Wilson: No, Jill told me.
Tim: [Tim looks relieved, and then concerned] I didn't tell her. [Tim & Wilson look around and at the sky]
Cut to the "Tool Time" studio, after the Grant Hill show.
[Tim and Grant Hill enter the set]
Tim: You said you think Jordan's an alien?
Grant: How else can he jump that high?
Tim: Shaquille?
Grant: You call that an Earth name?
Tim: Alright, what, Dennis Rodman? [Grant just looks at Tim] Alright, I'll give you that one.
Grant: Look Tim, these guys don't know I'm on to them so I'd appreciate it if, if you don't, you don't say anything.
Tim: Alright, alright, alright. Well, how do I know you're not an alien?
Grant: I never said I wasn't.
Tim: Yeah, but you're working so you must have a green card.
Grant: More bluish-gray.

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