Images of the Cast of Home Improvement with the Home Improvement Archive title

Room at the Top

Episode No# 154
Written by:
Elliot Shoenman, Marley Sims
Directed by:
Geoffrey Nelson
Transcript by:
Thomas B. Alb
Corrections should be sent to:
Duncan Taylor

Tim Taylor - Tim Allen
Jill Taylor - Patricia Richardson
Randy Taylor - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Brad Taylor - Zachery Ty Bryan
Mark Taylor - Taran Smith
Wilson - Earl Hindman
Al Borland - Richard Karn
Heidi - Debbe Dunning
Guest Cast
Patty - Tammy Lauren
Doug - George Del Hoyo
Dr. Breen - Jack Blessing
Al's Neighbor - Milton Canady
Episode begins in Al's apartment. Heidi, Tim and Al are taping a "Tool Time On Location" episode. The camera follows Heidi walking from the apartment door along the kitchen counter towards Tim
Heidi: Welcome to day two of a very special "Tool Time". We're coming to you live from Al's apartment. Now here's the star of the show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. [The "Tool Time" music plays. The camera moves to show Tim, who seems to be growing a beard]
Tim: Thank you everybody, and welcome to our second day, as Heidi just said, in Al's apartment. It's lovely, isn't it? I AM Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and of course you all know my assistant Al Borland. [Tim and Heidi turn to the door in the back waiting for Al to show up] Al!
Al: [From the other room] Pardon?
Tim: We're on the air, Al.
Al: What?!
[The flushing of the toilet can be heard. The door opens and Al appears in the doorway, still holding a towel. Al realizes that he's being taped, quickly throws the towel back into the bathroom and goes over to Tim and Heidi and salutes]
Al: Well-- [Turns to Tim] You know you could have given me some warning.
Tim: Where would the fun be in that?
Al: Well, this week we've been showing you how to turn the dead space in your house into living space.
Tim: Now, today's challenge is we're gonna be trying to figure out how to turn the dead space between Al's ears into a nice bric-a-brac room.
Al: The dead space between your ears could fill the mall of America.
[Al laughs at his own joke, Tim hisses at him. Heidi moves into shot]
Heidi: Today we'll be installing a sliding pocket door in Al's bathroom, but first let me show you what we did yesterday. [Heidi goes over to the kitchen] We used this space in the wall, [Heidi shows the spice rack in the wall] put in in a spice rack. Al?
Al: That's right, and then we converted this space that used to be [Al goes over to and points at the closet. Tim is holding two remote control units] my closet into a guest bedroom.
Tim: Remote controlled.
Al: Tim.
[Tim presses a button on the remote and the bed folds down]
Tim: Next, we'll try to convert some poor sap into Al's first houseguest.
Al: And then we'll convert that stuff on your face into an actual beard. [Al laughs to himself again]
Tim: Gee Al, not everyone can grow a beard as fast as your mom. Now, the pièce de résistance. In the spare room above the header in the kitchen we added a home entertainment system.
[Tim pushes a button on the other remote and a big TV set comes down from over the kitchen counter]
Al: With this setup, [Al takes the (wrong) remote control from Tim and lies down on the bed] my guests can now watch TV in bed. [Al points the remote at the TV and presses a button]
Tim: Not with that remote though, Al.
Al: Whoa!
[The bed closes, catapulting Al through the wall onto his neighbor's bed. Al's neighbor is laying on the bed, reading a book. Al lands right next to him. Al and his neighbor look at each other]
Al's Neighbor: Hey! I don't go in for that sort of thing!
[Opening credits]
Cut to the Taylor house.
[Jill is sitting at the dinner table, working, her pencil snaps off. Brad comes down the stairs and goes into the kitchen. Jill gets up and walks over to the counter by the trash compactor to get a new pencil. Mark enters carrying a black shirt and some buttons and stops by the counter]
Mark: Mom, can you sew these buttons on my shirt?
Jill: [Mark shows Jill the buttons] Ew. They're little skulls.
Mark: Yeah. How fast can you do it?
Jill: Well, I'm kind of busy, but I assure you that sewing demonic symbols on my son's clothing will be right at the top of my list. [Jill goes back to the table and continues working]
[Randy enters from the back door carrying a book. He puts the book on the table]
Randy: Hi Mom.
Jill: Hi. [Notices the book] What are you doing with my thesaurus? I've been looking for this all day.
Randy: Well, I borrowed it for a report I'm doing, "The Selfish Middle Class".
Jill: Randy. Randy, this is my work station. You can't just come and grab anything you want.
Randy: Hey, it is not my fault. I'm a product of the selfish middle class.
[Randy leaves. Brad comes over from the kitchen with some snacks and something to drink and sits down. Since the table is packed with Jill's stuff he pushes away some of it to make room]
Jill: What are you doing?
Brad: I'm at the dining room table. I'm dining.
Jill: Well, you know, right now it's sort of my office, so would you please just dine somewhere else?
Brad: Alright. [As he gets up he accidentally tips over Jill's mug. The contents gets spilled all over her paper] Ah--
Jill: Oh! Oh my God! My paper!
Brad: I'm sorry, I'll clean it-- [Brad tries to help cleaning up. Some of Jill's books drop to the floor] Or I could dine in my room.
Jill: Alright, that's a good idea. Good idea. Good. Good.
[Tim enters from the garage, carrying his jacket]
Tim: Hi hon.
Jill: Tim. I'm having a really bad day.
Tim: Nice talking to you. [Tim hangs up his jacket and starts to leave]
Jill: Tim? I want you to build me something. [Tim comes back]
Tim: [Grunts] Aruuugh?
Jill: I have been trying to work on this paper all day, and I can't get a moment's peace down here. I just need a, a quiet, private place where I can get things done. [Jill gets some kitchen paper from under the sink]
Tim: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You want something built, and you want me to build it?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: Yes!
Jill: I want an office.
Tim: Office, office!
Jill: Someplace where I can close the door, --
Tim: Close the door.
Jill: -- and get away from everybody.
Tim: Get away.
Jill: Yeah. [Jill goes back to the table] I was thinking that you could, you could, um, [Tim starts snapping his fingers and looks up to the ceiling] maybe convert the, the --
Tim: [Tim points up] -- attic!
Jill: Right!
Tim: Heyyy! [Tim goes over to the table, Jill is still cleaning] Oh ho-ho ho-ho-ho. I have dreamed about this day since the moment I met you.
Jill: We didn't have an attic the day we met. [Jill goes back to the kitchen]
Tim: Which makes the dream all that more significant. [Tim points at Jill making circular motions with his finger while walking towards her] You're not toying with me, are you?
Jill: No. On one condition: You keep it simple.
Tim: You want simple, you got your man. [Tim runs upstairs]
Cut to upstairs, later.
[Tim has already started taking things down from the attic and temporarily storing them here. He comes climbing down the ladder and is wearing a black top hat. Jill comes out of the bedroom]
Jill: See you, Tim.
Tim: Wait a minute. I found this in the attic, remember this? [Tim opens the top of the hat, it has a white stuffed bunny in it] I wore this to somebody's wedding, but I can't remember whose.
Jill: Yeah, it was our wedding. Bye. [Jill heads for the stairs]
Tim: Oh wait, wait, wait. There's just two more things I've got to ask you. Hold on, hold on, hold on. [Jill goes downstairs. Tim picks up some paint samples and follows her. Cut to the front door] O.K., wait, just a few simple decisions, please. Paint or wallpaper?
Jill: Paint. I've gotta go to therapy, honey.
Tim: Flat, semigloss, or matt?
Jill: Uh-- surprise me.
Tim: Carpet or wood floors?
Jill: Carpeting.
Tim: O.K. Plush, saxony, or berber?
Jill: I don't care!
[Jill leaves out the front door, cut to outside, the camera looking towards the door]
Tim: Uh, wait a minute! Take the paint sample with you!
[Tim throws the samples after Jill - and hits her]
Jill: Ow!
Tim: Sorry!
[Tim goes back inside]
Cut to Jill's therapy session in Dr. Breen's office.
Dr. Breen: O.K. Jill, I understand you're a student at the university.
Jill: Yes, I am. Um, er, taking therapy is, er, part of my master's requirement.
Dr. Breen: Uh-huh.
Jill: I don't really have that much to talk about.
Dr. Breen: Oh, that's O.K. Why don't you just tell me a little about yourself? [Dr. Breen picks up a notepad and a pen from his desk]
Jill: Oh. Oh O.K., um, [Jill clears her throat] well, I just hit 40, and I'm trying to jump-start a new career, and I don't know which I'll get first, my diploma or menopause. On top of that, I have three sons, each of whom is the center of his own universe. Brad just started driving, which is keeping me up worrying half the night, and Randy's started questioning everything his father and I stand for [Dr. Breen is writing down some notes and holds up his hand signaling Jill that he can't keep up] and Mark, he is the, the youngest one, wears only black, and is possibly worshipping the devil.
Dr. Breen: Ah... [Dr. Breen takes off his glasses] Well, Jill--
Jill: Oh no, there's more, huh, there's more. [Dr. Breen puts his glasses back on and continues taking down what Jill says] You see, I- I am-uh, completely overwhelmed. My father died about six months ago, and I've been trying to help my mother a long distance, which is not working at all, and I'm running the house, and going to school, and leading my own counseling groups. I'm having some people over for dinner tonight; I have NO idea what I'm gonna make them. She likes fish, he likes chicken. Not that it matters, cuz when I cook, you know, it all tastes the same. You know, maybe I take on too much, because I don't know why I'm having people over for dinner in the middle of the week anyway.
Dr. Breen: Well, Jill, it seems to me that there's [Jill signals that she's not finished talking yet] uh, more. [Dr. Breen picks up his pen again]
Jill: Yeah. Well. This is only about ten percent of my problems. --
Dr. Breen: Ooh.
Jill: -- The other ninety percent I'm married to.
Dr. Breen: Ah.
Jill: You see, my husband, [Jill gets up and starts pacing around] he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I?", "Where am I?", "Should I grow a beard?", "Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then- and-then-and-then-today, you know, Brad spilled soda on my paper, and Mark was asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking MY husband to start construction [rising desperation in her voice] on an office. [Jill lies down on the couch]
Dr. Breen: Well, wha- what's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah. Well maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries. [Dr. Breen starts the recorder]
Cut to the hallway.
[There are some drywall panels standing on the wall opposite the front door]
Tim: [talking to the drywall board] You are so beautiful. I mean I, I get excited every time I see you. You feel [Tim starts stroking the drywall] so good.
[Brad, who has overheard their conversation, comes around the corner. Tim looks at him and takes his hand away from the drywall]
Brad: Would, er, you and your drywall like some time alone?
Tim: I just hope one day you'll find something that makes you as happy as this makes me.
Brad: Yeah, me too. I just hope mine has a head and breathes.
Tim: No, think about it, son. Look at this. You have a dirty attic, disgusting, dusty; and a dream. You fulfil your dream with the sweat of your brow and and your two hands, [grunting] arr, arr, arr! Huh?
Brad: I'll, er, stick with girls. [Brad leaves]
Tim: [to the drywall] It's like talking to a wall!
[Jill enters through the front door, carrying two bags]
Jill: Hi. I'm sorry I'm late. Therapy ran over. Um, we need to talk about the construction. [Jill goes over to the kitchen]
Tim: Hey, always got time for that. [Tim follows Jill to the kitchen] Picked up all the materials down at Harry's Hardware. They all tell me I've got the remodeling glow.
Jill: Um, Tim, I've given it some serious thought, --
Tim: O.K.
Jill: -- and I really don't want the office.
Tim: Prffft. Pre-construction jitters. Everyone gets it.
Jill: No no no-no-no. Life is really chaotic lately, --
Tim: Yeah...
Jill: -- and one of the things I just learned in therapy is that I need to simplify. You see, I take on way too much as a way of not dealing with my feeling, and this office is gonna be just way too much.
Tim: You asked me to do it. Why would you ask me to do it unless you realllly wanted me to?
Jill: Because for a brief, fleeting instant, I thought it was a good idea, but then you started bombarding me with the decorating decisions and then the-the-the blueprints, and t--
Tim: O.K. Whoa-whoa-whoa-who-whoa! Forget that. I'll make all the decisions, it-it's over. It's over.
Jill: No no, no no, no, Tim, Tim, I-I- I have problems with this office on a deeper level.
Tim: Aaah. Sub-flooring, huh?
Jill: No. No. No. I- I-I really don't want to be so isolated from everybody, and, bef- you know, when I get my office someday, I'm gonna need it to be a place where I can have patients come in. We can't have people just traipsing through the house.
Tim: Problem solved! I'll build a stairway on the outside of the house up to the attic.
Jill: No! No, Tim, --
Tim: Yeah...
Jill: -- you're not listening to me. You're not listening. I don't want a staircase on the outside of the house. I don't want an office in the attic.
Tim: What are you saying?
Tim: Jeez! [Jill sighs. Short pause while Tim is thinking of something to reply] I'm getting the idea you don't want me to build this thing. And I asked you not to toy with me.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: I begged you not to toy with me. And yet: you toyed. [Jill starts unpacking the bags]
Jill: I know. I made a mistake.
Tim: Aaah.
Jill: You know, a mistake I'm very sorry for and I will obviously never hear the end of, I'm sure. But, you know, right now Patty and Doug are coming over for dinner and I really need your help. [Jill starts stuffing the groceries into the refrigerator]
Tim: Forget it. I can't be around people after I've been fired off a job.
Jill: Tim, you're my husband, not my contractor.
Tim: But for a brief fleeting moment, I was both.
Jill: Oh, come on. You're being ridiculous.
Tim: No, you're being ridiculous. You say your life is chaotic. You want to simplify it? Well stop having these stupid dinner parties.
Jill: This is the first dinner party we've had in six months. I haven't had time because of all this school.
Tim: Well, if you want to streamline things, why don't you just quit school?
Jill: Just so you can build the office?
Tim: Yes!
Jill: If I quit school, I don't need an office.
Tim: Don't use all that fancy psychological stuff with me.
Jill: I-I have to make dinner.
Tim: You have to make dinner? Where am I supposed to put all that stuff I just bought?
Jill: I can think of a real good place.
[Commercial break]
Cut to later that evening. Jill, Patty, Doug and Tim are sitting around the table having dinner.
[A scraping noise can be heard resulting from Tim having some difficulties cutting Jill's food because of its somewhat rubbery consistency. Jill is just sitting there, Patty and Doug are eating. The camera pans over from Jill past Patty and Doug to Tim, struggling with his meat. Tim finishes cutting the meat. Doug cuts off a piece of his fish, making the same noise]
Doug: This fish is really good. It's not too fishy.
Tim: That's cuz it's chicken, Doug. [Tim smiles, Doug looks at the piece of chicken on his fork he just cut off]
Patty: Well-- You know, it's delicious. It's- it's not too... chickeny. Oh, jeez. Jill, you didn't tell me, how was your first therapy session?
Tim: Arghhh.
Jill: Fine. [Jill tries to smile] Potatoes? [Jill holds up the bowl with the potatoes]
Patty: [Patty takes the potatoes from Jill] Well, how did you like Dr. Breen? Was he insightful?
Tim: Well, he's certainly incited a number of things around here, I tell you that. [Jill gives Tim an angry look, then looks into her food. Patty puts the potatoes down again]
Doug: Yeah? --
Tim: Yeah.
Doug: -- I've been picking up some tension. Is everything alright?
Patty: Doug, I don't really think that's any of our business. Why don't we just change the subject?
Doug: Gotcha. So Jill, I hear Tim's building you a great office up in the attic.
Tim: Ha ha ha. Ha ha!
Jill: Lima beans? [Jill holds up the lima beans]
Tim: Well, she asked me to build her an office, you know, I did all the plans for it, bought all the materials, and then she changed her mind.
Jill: Tim, we don't really have to discuss this in front of our guests.
Tim: Hey, why not? Are you ashamed of your behavior? Are you afraid people might judge you?
[Jill looks at Tim but doesn't say anything and drinks from her wine instead]
Doug: Say, is that a beard you're growing?
Tim: Yes, it is, Doug. I promised Pookie over there that I'd shave it off, but my life has become so chaotic, I, I might "change my mind."
Jill: You're really not gonna let this go, are you?
Tim: And you were really willing to let my drywall go, weren't you?
Jill: You are so unbelievable. Is that all you can talk about, your stupid drywall?
Tim: That's how she talks about drywall.
Jill: You are so self-absorbed.
Tim: I'm self-absorbed? Miss "I pay a guy to hear me talk about myself"?
Jill: You know what, Tim? I don't have the time or the energy for this. If it's so important for you: Build the damn office!
Tim: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Well I'm not giving you the satisfaction!
Patty: [looking from Jill to Tim and back to Jill] So, how's Mark doing in Spanish?
Jill: Well, your needs [Jill stands up] are obviously so much more important than mine. If it makes you feel better: Do it!
Tim: [Tim stands up] I wouldn't pick up a hammer if you got down on your hands and knees and begged me. I love construction, but the Tool Man draws a line at the mercy bill!
Jill: [shakes her head and gives up] I give up! [Jill walks off]
Doug: [to Tim] You know, this chicken could be pork.
Patty: Hm-mm.
[Patty and Doug continue eating]
Cut to the living room, the next morning.
[Tim is sleeping on the couch, snoring. Randy and Brad are standing behind watching him sleep]
Randy: He slept down here all night?
Brad: Half the night. The other half he and mom were yelling at each other.
Randy: Did she catch him making out with the drywall?
Brad: She told him he couldn't build the office in the attic.
Randy: My God, is he still breathing?
Brad: Yeah, but what's the point? His soul's been stripped away. But his beard sure is coming in nice.
Randy: Looks like he's got another one growing in his ears. [Brad and Randy look into Tim's ear]
Cut to the backyard.
[Wilson is raking leaves. Tim enters from the house and goes over to the fence]
Tim: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: Well hi-ho, neighbor. So, how's Jill's office coming? [Wilson comes over to the fence]
Tim: Come and gone. She backed out right after she saw her shrink.
Wilson: Whoa. So you were destroyed by Freud.
Tim: Well I guess you could say that, yeah.
Wilson: Hung by Jung.
Tim: Yeah?
Wilson: Brought to a halt by gestalt.
Tim: Could we? I'm hurting here. This project meant a lot to me. I put a lot of hours into it, I was already starting to miter stuff up. Next think I know, we're in a big fight and I'm sleeping on the couch.
Wilson: Well, Tim, it seems to me since the office was for Jill, it's certainly her prerogative if she wants to change her mind.
Tim: Yaddy yaddy yaddah. When I'm building stuff, I lose myself in the job, you know? It- it's very important to me.
Wilson: Hm-m, hm-m, hm-m hm-m.
Tim: I'm being selfish.
Wilson: No, no, no. What I'm thinking is that you remind me of one of my great heroes, --
Tim: Huh?
Wilson: -- Jefferson.
Tim: He was one of my heroes!
Wilson: Ah.
Tim: When that guy started out, he had one dry cleaner, next thing, he was moving on up. [short pause, Tim nods at Wilson]
Wilson: [Wilson is confused] I'm confused.
Tim: George Jefferson. His wife's name was Weezy.
Wilson: No-no-no no, no, no, no, Tim, I'm talking about Thomas Jefferson. You know, he was a man that needed to work with his hands. When he was at home at Monticello, he would lose himself building his house, tending his garden. And it was while doing these simple, hands-on tasks that Jefferson saw his life more clearly.
Tim: Hey, wow. Really. I'm like Jefferson.
Wilson: Hm-m.
Tim: When I'm swinging a hammer, that's when I see and think the clearest.
Wilson: Hm, so that's probably why building Jill's office was so important to you.
Tim: I never really thought of it that way.
Wilson: Hm-m.
Tim: Hah! Thanks, Wilson.
Wilson: Hm-m-mm. [Tim turns to leave] Tim, are you growing a beard?
Tim: [Tim stops and turns to face Wilson again] What d'you think?
Wilson: Well, I'm not sure. I could never understand why a man would wanna hide his face. [Shot continues to be on Wilson with his face hidden behind the fence for about 5 more seconds]
Cut to the living room.
[Jill is sitting on the couch sewing the buttons on Mark's shirt. Mark is watching her]
Mark: Are you almost done?
Jill: Oh yeah. You are gonna have the snazziest-looking skulls in the seventh grade.
Mark: They're not supposed to be snazzy.
Jill: I was being facetious, I think they're hideous and completely twisted.
Mark: Alriiight! [Mark leaves, Tim enters from the backyard]
Tim: Honey honey honey. I just figured something out that you should know.
Jill: And what would that be?
Tim: I am like Jefferson. [Jill continues to look at Tim, waiting for him to explain further] Tom, not George.
Jill: I'll need more.
Tim: O.K. I wanted to build the office space for you, -- [Tim sits down on the couch]
Jill: Yeah?
Tim: -- but in many ways I was building it for myself. You know how when you went to therapy and worked out how you were feeling?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: O.K. Well, building things is like that for me. When I'm working with tools, it gives me a chance to think things out, sort through stuff.
Jill: What kind of stuff?
Tim: Well stuff we're going through maybe, or with, like, the kids. Do you remember when, um, I, I blew up that water heater?
Jill: The first or the second time?
Tim: It would be the second time. Well, I-uh, I realized then that I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be about Brad getting his license.
Jill: I thought you were thrilled about that.
Tim: Well, I was at first, but then when he got his license, he was driving, and he was never home. I never saw him.
Jill: I didn't know you felt that way. Well, O.K., so, you're saying that whenever you build something -- or, uh, blow it up -- it comes with an equally valuable insight.
Tim: Valuable, on many levels. The first time I blew up that water heater, --
Jill: Yeah?
Tim: -- I realized that I could do this. [Tim sticks out and rolls his tongue, then lowers and shakes his head. Jill laughs]
Jill: Well, Tim, I'm really glad you shared that with me. You know, just because my life is really chaotic and confusing right now, you shouldn't have to suffer.
Tim: Would you please write that down?
Jill: I've been thinking. You know how you've always wanted to redo the garage? I think you should do that.
Tim: Are you toying with me? I can only take so much of this toying.
Jill: No, I'm not toying with you.
Tim: Yeah!
Jill: This would be perfect, because it's, it's building for yourself.
Tim: Alright?
Jill: And, and then someday, down the line, when things calm down, I'll let you build me the office of your dreams.
Tim: [grunting] Hey! The glow is starting to come back.
Jill: [laughing] Yeah-aeh-aeh... It would be a lot easier to see if you'd shave.
Tim: Well. It's-it's- it's softer now than it was a couple of days ago.
Jill: Let me feel it.
Tim: Hm?
Jill: It's softer. [They kiss]
Jill: I hate when we fight.
Tim: Oh, me too. It's not just because the couch is lumpy either.
Jill: I couldn't stand it last night when I rolled over and you weren't there.
Tim: It could have been worse. I rolled over here, and I landed on the nutcracker. Uuuah! That baby lives up to its name, I tell you that. [Tim mouths "Ow!"]
Cut to the kitchen, later.
[Jill is preparing dinner]
Jill: Tiiim, you promised me you'd help with dinner!
Tim: [upstairs] Just finished shaving, honey!
Jill: You did? [Tim enters with his head shaved -- but not his beard]
Tim: Took longer than I thought. [Jill's jaw drops] I'm kidding!
[Tim removes the rubber covering from his head, Jill breathes a sigh of relief]
Outtakes from the second kitchen scene.
Tim: Problem solved. I'll put an outside staircase in for you.
Jill: No, no-no-no, Tim, you're not listening. I- I don't want an outside staircase. I don't want an attic in the office!
[Tim looks at Jill for some moments, then they start laughing]
Tim: O.K.
Jill: Let's go back again.
Tim: I don't believe this. [the audience laughs, to the audience] Would you guys stop that? [Tim and Jill laugh]
Jill: That was going so well.
Tim: I know, I can't take all these baboons laughing. [making babbling motions with his hand] Yap yap yap!

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